Ten weeks post-op ... bit miserable, bit sorry for myself ...

[Allisoninoz]

.. with no good excuse really. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling just fine, pretty lively, smiling at strangers as I walked along the beach. The past few days, I've been tired when I wake up as well as at night (even though I drop off to sleep ok), not particularly motivated to walk although I know I should ... and ... hate my scar even though lots of people say it looks much better than they expected. I just feel like replying, well, actually, it's pretty bloody awful to have a huge scar down the middle of my chest and three lines across my abdomen.
I'm doing rehab two or three times a week and have another couple of weeks to go. I'm just worried I won't be motivated to maintain exercise. Even though it was a gorgeous day today, I only walked for about 15 minutes.
I'm really being a bit of a moody bitch really, considering my surgery and recovery went well. I know I should be grateful all the time, but at present, I'm just annoyed.
Has anybody else felt like this?

 

[rib305]

yep ! been there,

yep ! been there,

.. with no good excuse really. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling just fine, pretty lively, smiling at strangers as I walked along the beach. The past few days, I've been tired when I wake up as well as at night (even though I drop off to sleep ok), not particularly motivated to walk although I know I should ... and ... hate my scar even though lots of people say it looks much better than they expected. I just feel like replying, well, actually, it's pretty bloody awful to have a huge scar down the middle of my chest and three lines across my abdomen.
I'm doing rehab two or three times a week and have another couple of weeks to go. I'm just worried I won't be motivated to maintain exercise. Even though it was a gorgeous day today, I only walked for about 15 minutes.
I'm really being a bit of a moody bitch really, considering my surgery and recovery went well. I know I should be grateful all the time, but at present, I'm just annoyed.
Has anybody else felt like this?

im 16 weeks since my last opp and it was my 3rd and i have days when im annoyed and fed up too, i now have a mechanical valve now but up to then it was tissue, so the warfrin thing although not a major pain just remembering i must take it annoys me a bit plus the beta blockers - i think the meds play a part in moods and your body until your body gets used to them,ive had al sorts of things happen for which no one has the answers for, im just getting back into my fitness and i used to train everyday, this time has beeen harder to get back to it as i just feel a bit like F@@K IT !... ive had a few issue since surgery just had an abalation for flutter for one... in my opinion i reckon it takes a full year for our bodys to recover, when i think back over my previous surgerys... although for the best part your back to health at say 3-4 months....i would say emotionally , phycally and back to your confidence level its a year.....no doubt about it.. so stick with it and run with your down days they dont last ... and we all have them.. you no when your back as you just end up forgetting about your heart beat, scar and all that other stuff that we worry about.. good luck and stay up up up

 

[kfay]

Allison, Sorry you aren't feeling your best. It doesn't sound like you have anything medically going on that should be causing the way you feel, but if you are unsure about that, you should get checked by your Dr. Could it be possible you are having a bit of depression? It is VERY common after heart surgery. If so, see your Dr. and ask for help. There have been plenty of people on here who have done just that.

As for your scar, it is still early days for you, just give it time. It will get better. I had my first surgery when I was a senior in high school, so I've had a scar for a very long time now and don't even notice it anymore. I wear anything I want and no one even notices it anymore. You should wear it with honor...it shows that you've lived through something very tough and come out on the other side ok.

Kim

 

[Jason]

Allison,

I am a few weeks after you from a schedule standpoint, but you just described my last few days. Physically I am feeling and doing great, better than expected to tell the truth. However, my mental state has been a bit challenging. I haven't really slept well in the last few days, so that probably has a lot to do with it. I have tried to drop the zolpidem (ambien generic) at night, but then I just lay there and definitely do not fall asleep. I finally took one last night after attempting to sleep without one at 12:30 AM, and woke up at 4:30 AM without falling back to sleep. It is very frustrating to lay in bed for several hours and not fall asleep, on both ends of the night! All of this is adding up to me being fairly agitated, and not really negative but certainly not very positive. I think in my case if I sleep a good nights sleep I will get better, but the ambien suppresses REM sleep, so would really like to do it without the drugs.

I hope you get to feeling better, as well as myself!

 

[epstns]

Jason,

I also have some pretty profound sleep issues. What makes it worse is that I'm a "guy of a certain age" and get up to use the bathroom after 3 or 4 hours' sleep -- THEN I cannot get back to sleep for hours. My cardio wrote a scrip for zolpidem and I have filled it but I am trying to avoid taking it due to all the warnings, etc. What I have used, rather successfully, is over-the-counter Benadryl. This was also suggested by my cardio (and my psychologist daughter) as the med of choice they use to calm folks who are anxious going into the MRI machines. Benadryl is also often used to calm hyper-active children. It helps me to sleep better, feel rested, and if used intelligently (not consistently for long periods of weeks) it is not habit forming. It also does not cause any of the wild things Ambien has been said to do. It might be worth a chat with your docs to see what they think of Benadryl for you. (or, you could just go to the drug store and buy some to try for yourself.)

 

[zztimeout]

Hey Allison... Don't be like that... You are the one person on here that I have followed since I got the scary news of an operation... You kept me strong when I was feeling very alone and with your encouraging words pulled me through .. You must rememeber something... You are alive and breathing... I for one would kill to change places with you as my big day is 19th May and the nerves are starting to kick in .. I am in Brisbane so you are one of us 'Aussies' so keep ya chin up girl....
Take care
Dave

 

[DeuxofUs]

Allison,

I too could say.. don't be like that but I know if you had a choice, you wouldn't. As someone that has suffered from depression my whole life, it sounds to me you are going through it. Also, with what everyone says, it sounds like this is a pretty common theme after surgery.

It's not a bad thing to ask for help for this. Maybe a small amount of anti depressants wouldn't be a bad thing. Also, try doing more stuff for yourself... manicures... etc. But, take time to be sad.. it's ok as long as it doesn't last too long.

You are one of my heroes on here...

BTW, I know what your scar looks like and it looked quite impressive. Maybe you can start using some scar gel or something. Eventually, you won't see those anymore. But it is a badge of courage. You made it to live a happy and healthy life. Ill take scars any day if I can live to enjoy the sun that shines on my face.

Hugs to you.

Jacqui

 

[dick0236]

What a great site. Post a concern, situation or emotion that we ALL have felt and get instanat replies from around the world. Post surgery depression is real....and it often needs professional help. The worst thing is to take the additude that "big boys don't cry"....or "I can suck it up and handle this". I can tell you that I had those thoughts... before the age of the computer and the "www", and it damned near killed me. Allison, you will get thru it....and ask all the questions you need to ask, 'cause we have ALL "been there and dun that"

As for the scar, mine looks like a "Y" and is about 13" long. I used to tell people I got it as a result of a mortar attack in Vietnam....and I got a lot of oohs and aahs. Actually I was never in Vietnam, but it shut 'em up. Keep the faith:thumbup:.

 

[buncle]

You are going to "get better" in stages.First 3 days-first week-first month.You body and mind went through alot.I agree with rib-it took me a year to shake off 90% of the surgery.I am still working on the last 10%.Hang in there you will be fine.

 

[Natina13]

Allison, I am so sorry your having to go through this. They did say....we would have good days and bad days, and cardiac depression is very common. Talk to your Doctor about it....see what he recommends. My thoughts and prayers are with you....your my Hero

Renee

 

[Andrew J]

Hi Allison, I'm really sorry to read your feeling a bit down. As all the guys above have said it is a common issues with may of us. I'm sure you remember the issues that I went through after my surgeries, there were many days I questioned may things and felt like ****, Im thankfull my boys were here with me but I did go see my Doc and he gave me same tablets that helped and I still take them when I need them. Give it time you will be fine, your an Aussie girl.....when you do feel down come on line and just open up cause there are may of us who will support you on your journey to recovery. I did and you were one of the many people here that did. Take care..

 

[auricula]

Hi Allison, I’m sorry you are in a “down” spell. I thought you were amazingly brave and cheery through the surgery and early recovery. I’m in week 14, and am also fretting about my scar. My cardiologist says it already looks somewhat like a keloidic scar. Check my post “Scar Gazing” in a few days; I am reading about several studies and will add the information to what I posted last night. I am also fussing over hair loss (I had read it starts 3 months after surgery but it came a week early). When my brother had 5-way bypass at 57 his hair seemed to turn white overnight and thinned dramatically (and stayed thinned) so that’s a worry. I was also obsessing over having two palsied fingers (which just this week are getting better) and a week ago I started experiencing ocular migraines and a bit of vertigo.

My mood declined steadily at about week 6 and I started getting really sore in my back/neck/shoulders from the inactivity dictated by the sternal precautions. I got tired of receiving phone calls and couldn’t stand a lot of questions about my recovery. I was not able to sleep flat for 39 nights and got no rest, often getting up at 3-4 a.m. in a cold house and not finding anything engaging to do.

What I can offer to you that is hopeful is that when you have your first ECHO and actually see the functioning of a healthy valve you will find the relief very comforting. That just happened to me today. Only yesterday I started cardiac rehab and kept crying because I was so worried I would not get stronger. Being wired up was scary because I kept thinking I would go into A-fib. It didn’t help that the program I joined is at the hospital where both my parents were declared dead and a mile away my brother died horribly of melanoma at age 29. For years I’ve gotten upset just driving by the hospital and the apartment where my brother died, but I chose the program because it was the best one I could find. Maybe during the course of recovery I will be able to slay some “bad memory dragons” that have haunted me most of adult life.

Now that I have seen the valve and my cardiologist has said I am doing quite well and should not need a repeat ECHO for 3 years I am greatly reassured and I feel so much better. I hope you will have this experience as well. Do you have one scheduled? Just try to hold on until you have a good report from the test. Pat

 

[JaneBerm]

Hi Allison, I had AVR two years ago and I too was an emotional mess several weeks out. My only regret is that I didn't meet with a counselor. Although it was offered to me on several ocassions, I thought I could "tough it out". I did, but I truly believe that it took a lot longer to get past the depression than it would have if I had done some counseling. You're not alone in experiencing this and there's no reason not to accept help--just like you did for your heart issues. Good luck, Jane

 

[Bryan B]

Allison,

We had our surgery on the same day and I have been going threw a bit of a down period. I won't list all of the reasons but I think most of has to do with the fact that I have been sick for so long that after surgery I thought I would be feeling better than I do now. My sternum is still sore (I think I may have a wire that is causing that), my heart is still pounding, and I had a small bit of a suture that has popped out at the edge of one of my chest holes. Add to the fact that Medicaid is changing the rules on me because I now make an income from Social Security disability and I feel pressure that I need to go back to work sooner than I feel ready. All of these things are weighing on me and it is easy enough to get a bit down after surgery anyway. Throw a little stress on top of it and we have the recipe for feeling very uncertain and emotional about the future.

 

[ski girl]

Allison firstly BIG HUGS from Perth!! I'm now seven months post-op and finally had the 'down' time I had thought I'd get much earlier - I think we all go through it, just a matter of when. Not to get too philosophical but our brains and hearts were disconnected for a while during the surgery and that has to have some effect, it will be different for all of us but imagine what the brain is going through - 'oh look, we're dead' followed by 'wait a minute, no we're not!' and then 'where is all this blood coming from??' as our hearts suddenly start churning out blood like normal hearts!

I'm the same with my scar and if one more person tells me it's not noticeable (while glancing at it) I'm going to throttle them. However, because of our scars, we get to live - and for me it was an excuse to go shopping for scar-covering clothes. Still hate it though!!

 

[Cooker]

It takes time ... I definitely had a period of the blues and became lethargic and pretty much a grouch ... time heals this too ... at ten weeks you are just getting started on the road of recovery ... that truck that hit you, also known as OHS affects ALL areas of your life ... give it time:smile2:

 

[WandaW]

I have to say I feel better just reading your responses. It is always a relief to know you are not alone, so probaby not crazy. My scar bugs me, I am 9 weeks out. However I did meet another therapist that worked for me as a fill in and she had a valve replacement for a congenital problem, a couple years ago. She wore what ever she wanted , and didn't worry about it showing. She was so positive, So I am not worrying about the scar soo much, but I feel alittle wierd but it is what it is. I am 52, widowed 16 months ago with 2 teens and I have been doing pretty good, I think this enforced inactivity, too much time alone, everyone has been great and i have had alot of help when I needed it but I have hit the "blahs" and it takes alot of mental energy to stay somewhat up. I know from my patients that moods are effected with Cardiac surgery, but I is annoying. The big picture everything is fine, but the daily grind is tough some days. This to will pass but I am not my usual "the glass is half full" person. I can keep it up with my kids, but the alone time is hard. I can finally get in the car and run some errands and it feels like such freedom. I now run some errand everyday to get out of the house. I go back to work in 3-4 weeks, and I am in Cardiac rehab. I am hopeful all will go smoothly, but I am more worried then usually. Sorry for rambling, thanks for all your sharing.

 

[normofthenorth]

Allison, if your smile is only half as wonderful in person as it is in your avatar photo, then I bet you've "cheered up" almost everybody in your life for a long time. I've known some people who can brighten the room just by walking in -- and some of them have their down days or weeks, or even suffer from depression. Heck, the people who live in the most ramshackle house in the neighborhood have the best view out the windows, right? Just make sure you get what you need. And while you're at it, don't walk by a mirror without smiling at yourself. (I think it'd work like a charm for me! )