Telling Others

[Cameron]

When I was diagnosed with severe aortic stenosis, and given the news that I would need valve replacement, three months ago, I immediately told my wife, obviously, and my brother in Scotland, however, since then my wife and I have been debating when and who to tell i.e. my brother and sisters in law and close friends - our current thinking is to wait until we have a definite surgery date so as not to have everyone worrying for an extended period, particularly over the Christmas season. Any feedback on what others have done or have found to be best would be appreciated!
Thanks,
Cameron

 

[Teresa]

Cameron, once again thank you for posting this question. We are going through the some thing. Our families know but no one else. I am waiting until I see the surgeon (this wednesday) to get an idea of when he expects me to have surgery (I am praying for Feb '09). Then I will probably have to tell my boss. Most of our friends belong to the same health club as me. I am worried about telling them for the fact that the owners/management may be nervous of having someone with a heart issue working out and attending classes and may cancel my membership (my worst fear. I'm a gym-rat). Maybe by then my surgeon will be telling me to stay home and do nothing. Also, the fact that we have to explain over and over again how this whole thing started will be very draining (I have a hard time talking about it with my DH without breaking into tears)

 

[aussiemember]

Hi Cameron,

I guess everyone feels differently about this but I am having surgery early next year (probably March) and am being very selective who I tell because of the time lag. Here's what I am doing with the different groups in my life....

I belong to a large church group (over 1000 members) and I can't think of anything worse than going to church each Sunday and being asked all about my health and having to explain everything over and over. I'm only going to tell them all the week before as I am counting on their prayers!!

I've told one brother who is a doctor and very casual about the surgery but I haven't told other family members as I want everyone to enjoy Christmas without it being all about me.

I have told my husband (who comes to every appointment with me anyway) and my closest girlfriends (about 8 people) because they allow me to talk things through and are an incredible emotional support.

I don't work ATM (I'm a student) but would only tell my boss not my colleagues if I did.

Of course it is a tremendously personal decision and everyone will have a different way of handling things but for me the best way to cope with upcoming surgery is to keep living life as normal without having 3/4 months of questions and pity from people.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do...

Jeanne

 

[hensylee]

I think you may be wise to keep it personal until after the holidays - unless you get sick beforehand, which doesn't seem likely from what you say. some may wish to handle you with kid gloves and you may not want to hve that. there is no hurry to tell it; you will make the decision in time of your own. Wishing all of you who have posted here wisdom to know when. Blessins..........

 

[Eva]

I tried to hide it in the beginning in order not to worry my family and friends. But, later on I discovered I was wrong...the more you tell others, the better it is, in my case, since many people shared their successful stories and experience which was encouring...I did not feel alone and I learnt a lot from them.

Make sure when you tell your close family, you also give them peace of mind and heart that this is now a routine surgery and that you shall be OK. You need everyone's support.

Good luck