Tales From The Dark Side

[PeggyM]

It's so hard not to give in to the depression that comes before the surgery that changes your life yet again. My work has been treating me horribly, almost harrassing me because of mulitple doctor appts. and having to go home because of the pain from my angiogram. It doesn't help at all. Right now it's those stresses more than the upcoming surgery that is making me hit bottom. So.......

I called the behavioral medicine triage number one of my doctors gave me for when the stress becomes too much. I got disconnected 6 times!!!!! Hahaha! Let me tell you, I was on the edge and about a step away from going over last night, babbling to myself and hitting redial over and over again. Finally I got an operator at another number and she tried. Got disconnected as well. In the end, a man comes on and tells me the crisis office is closed for the day and could I call back Monday. I thought, they might as well have a recorded message that says, "I'm sorry. The crisis office is closed but please call back Monday if you haven't committed suicide yet."

A co-worker told me the other day that I looked so tired. She asked me why I'm so tired all the time. I tried not to slap her silly face and instead calmly reminded her of my heart problem. "Do you take iron? You should take iron.", she scolded. I wanted to reply, "Do you eat anything other than junk food and bon bons? You should go on a diet."

I'm trying not lose my humor but the happy thoughts are abandoning me. Fortunately I have a sister who actually makes heart surgery fun. When she stayed with me for the second one she would have to turn her head or walk away alot because we'd burst out laughing just looking at eachother. Well, she would. I tried to suppress it 'cuz you know how it hurts. Ha! When I woke up in recovery she was right there in my face, asking me if I saw Elvis! Heehee...Thank God for her.

 

[briansmom]

I don't know exactly what to say to you besides general platitudes. Hang in there. You will feel so much better after your surgery. Your emotions are very normal for this stage. yada, yada, yada!
As for work, don't waste your time and emotional energy on those selfish and stupid people; they are not worth it!
Go through this site and read everything that Cooker has written, you will be laughing so hard by the time that you are done that you will have forgotten all about work. Then search the web for some other funny sites, go rent some funny movies - anything to keep your mind engaged on things other than the surgery.
Other than that, feel free to vent here. That is what we are here for. This is such a tremendous group of people. They have kept me sane during a very tough year and they will do the same for you.

 

[Ross]

Forgive those that torment you. They have no idea, not a clue, what it's like or what you've been through. If and when it does happen to them, they'll suddenly revol over how you handled it.

 

[Bina]

Hi peggyM,
Oh, don't we all have those really dark, dismal times in our lives where we just want to slap some people ....Walk away from insensitive people who question you....they aren't worth the stress.
A neighbour said to me "you look so pale, get some sun"....I almost hit her.
Maybe if I was feeling stronger I would have

My hubby says "if someone calls the suicide hot line and gets put on hold, is that a bad sign". He has a weird sense of humour, and it does get us through some tough spots. He brought me to the hospital the night before surgery, got me set up in my room, and we proceeded to giggle and joke like kids on a sleepover. The nurses thought we were nuts...but it was the only way I could deal with what was coming.

Peggy, remember your sense of humour, it will be valuable to you once again as you climb another mountain
Best wishes.

 

[PeggyM]

Forgive those that torment you. They have no idea, not a clue, what it's like or what you've been through. If and when it does happen to them, they'll suddenly revol over how you handled it.

That's what a friend told me last night. They don't have a clue. I know that when it's their turn to suffer, to bear that cross, they hopefully will finally "get it". Because all of us has or will have some cross to bear. It just hasn't happened to them yet. I just hope they learn some empathy and compassion along the way.

 

[Ross]

That's what a friend told me last night. They don't have a clue. I know that when it's their turn to suffer, to bear that cross, they hopefully will finally "get it". Because all of us has or will have some cross to bear. It just hasn't happened to them yet. I just hope they learn some empathy and compassion along the way.

Oh I know. Boy do I know. I'd like to make a few of them go through what I did just to see how they'd react. It cuts like a knife and they are so cold and cruel.

 

[PeggyM]

Oh I know. Boy do I know. I'd like to make a few of them go through what I did just to see how they'd react. It cuts like a knife and they are so cold and cruel.

Lately, every time I've tried to tell these people how their words make me feel I get told I'm taking things too personally. Or they didn't mean it that way. Bla, bla, bla....Just validate my freaking feelings for Christ's sake. They don't have to walk on eggshells with me but man, like I told my insensative boss, just don't say anything.

The stress of dealing with this/them is causing me to consider going out on disability sooner than I expected. I just can't deal with that cruelty. And now they're charging me for my insurance because I'm not working the mandatory 64 hours a pay period to have insurance! A million dollar company. And I created their fitness program. So more monetary stresses thanks to them.

Ain't life grand?

 

[Ross]

Well maybe you should just come live with me. Then there will be two of us to contend with and that might be a bit too much for these types.

 

[Nancy]

Peggy, I'm glad you know at least one person who can make heart surgery fun. When Joe was going through so much, we could always find something to laugh about. People thought we were crazy. But there was always some kind of ridiculous thing that happened. One of the funniest things happened when Joe was so terribly ill during his last hospitalization. He could hardly talk.

He had a doctor who was known for his terribly grumpy and curt personality. So Dr. Grump walks into the room, and Joe in barely a whisper said, "Well here comes little Dr. Sunshine, spreading his warmth around". Everybody smiled.

I saw that same doctor in the hall a day later making all googly eyes with a sweet young thing, and he was smiling then. I didn't have a chance to tell Joe about that. But I did laugh to myself.

I think a sense of humor is wonderful medicine, especially in the most difficult situations.

The fact that you were hung up on 6 times by the help line you were directed to is absolutely ridiculous, and then to be told to call back at a much later time is WAY over the top. But I can see from the little smiley face that you put in your post that you think it's ridiculous too. And I am sure you at least can see the irony in what happened to you. I guarantee, you will laugh about it in the future, and maybe even let a few people who told you to call there, enjoy the irony as well .

See, that's what makes this place so valuable. You can come here almost any time, and there will be someone who will hold your hand as you go through troubled times.

Keep your sense of humor. Bad times do pass, not as fast as we may want them to, but they do pass eventually.

 

[PeggyM]

Well maybe you should just come live with me. Then there will be two of us to contend with and that might be a bit too much for these types.

We could compare scars!

Or better yet, I have a box of lovenox syringes. We could take turns stabbing them in their bellies!!!!!

 

[Ross]

We could compare scars!

Or better yet, I have a box of lovenox syringes. We could take turns stabbing them in their bellies!!!!!

I'll bring the ice cubes if you'll bring the cherries!

 

[PeggyM]

Your Joe sounds like he was a wonderful man from reading your posts!!!

There is no excuse for grumpy doctors and medical staff. It's appalling, isn't it.

My sister overheard some stupid tech ask, "Just how crazy is she" when they learned they were getting a very unwilling and unhappy patient in their cardiac unit last time. She went right up to me him and chewed him out. Later she stole his scissors! lol.

We don't ask to be members of this club. Why can't people be more sensative???

 

[Nancy]

Those kinds of people never get it! But you can always find something about them to make fun of .

My dear Joe was notorious for "calling people" on their personal faults. He cared nothing about whether they were offended or whether they wanted to retaliate. Like the Irish say, "tell it like it is". I had to apologize for him sometimes, but he did make me laugh when we had our private moments.

Here's another funny story, true, that'll make you laugh.

He had a fill-in doctor from another country. This man was a chauvinist pig. His wife was also a doctor in the US. They had a falling out, so he absconded with his two children back to his mother country, and left the kids with relatives there, and then came back to the US, and promptly got put in jail for kidnapping his children. It was in all the local papers.

He got out very fast, of course. And as luck had it, he was Joe's fill-in for his appt.

Bad mistake.

In comes Dr. wonderful to begin his examination. So my dear Joe says, "What are you doing here? I thought you were in jail!" I thought the nurse was either going to pass out or split a gut from keeping a laugh inside.

I had to not look at Joe for the rest of that very difficult examination. The doctor HAD to examine Joe, he was the only one on, and Joe was having some major problems, and the doctor also had to keep his cool. And Joe KNEW just how uncomfortable he made that man, which is what he wanted to do, of course. He didn't like what he had done.

I'll give the doctor credit, he passed off the comment, and did a thorough exam. But Joe never had to contend with him again.

 

[WayneGM]

I can't add anything to what's already been said. Hang in there. You'll feel much better on the other side of the mountain.

 

[donnamarie]

I'm trying not lose my humor but the happy thoughts are abandoning me. Fortunately I have a sister who actually makes heart surgery fun. When she stayed with me for the second one she would have to turn her head or walk away alot because we'd burst out laughing just looking at eachother. Well, she would. I tried to suppress it 'cuz you know how it hurts. Ha! When I woke up in recovery she was right there in my face, asking me if I saw Elvis! Heehee...Thank God for her.

Peggy - I just wanted to say "thank God for sisters!" I haven't been down this road yet, but when I was going thru the Breast cancer thing, my sister was my biggest supporter! I don't know how I would've gotten thru it without her - and it looks like I'll need her again...
Hang in there!

 

[donnamarie]

Hi peggyM,
My hubby says "if someone calls the suicide hot line and gets put on hold, is that a bad sign".
Peggy, remember your sense of humour, it will be valuable to you once again as you climb another mountain
Best wishes.

Peggy - Maybe, just maybe they were so busy helping someone else. That's how I would want to think about it. At least you have this great place to vent!
Someone suggested renting funny movies - the one that always makes me laugh is a classic - Albert & Costello's "Who's on First?" We are a big baseball family (Go Phillies! LOL) and have that on tape. You just can't help laughing at those two guys.

 

[dot4toto]

Hi Peggy,
I know how hard it can be to keep going before surgery. This last one came fast but with the one 7 yrs ago, I had a few months to think about. The pressure is so intense! It's hard to function. If you can take off early, why not? That might be just what you need to do for you. Whatever works for you is the name of the game. My situation moved very fast this past time and it helped so much. Would that help you? If so ask your doctors and get this bus moving down the road or over the mountain.
I feel for you Peggy and I know there isn't anything that can be said to make it all pressure free. The good thing is you're amoung friends here who "get it"!! and know that feeling. We also know it gets so much better when we are on the healing side of this deal.
Take care and I look forward to hearing how you're doing on the other side of the mountain.

 

[Kathleen]

Peggy
I to am a "repeater". I to have a wonderful sister that is my cushion. I to have been to the dark side and have returned. I to have been through the anger that multiple surgeries brings. I just wanted to let you know if the crisis center is closed I would be happy to talk to you and share what you are facing. I would be glad to give you some tips on what I did and what aided me along the way.
Kathleen

 

[Guest]

Ain't life grand?

*grins*

Indeedy it is .


But ... while not from the same situation as you, I know what you mean about being hard to not give into the depression and dismay and sadness and anger. Been there, done that ... way too many times that I'd like to admit.

BUT ... someway, somehow ... I'm still alive .


Thoughts/prayers coming your way....



Cort:33swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve.pacemaker
WRMNshowcase.lego.HO.model.MCs.RT.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort
"Waiting to be mended like a potter would mend a broken vase" ... Larry Gatlin & The Gatlin Brothers ... 'Broken Lady'

 

[PeggyM]

Why does it seem the bad things just pile up at the same time as this??? Over the weekend I discovered someone figured out my at&t yahoo password and all my email for several days forwarded to him! Through my email he got my ebay name and password and tried to list MOWERS, a bunch of them, for sale on my account. LOL. Ebay caught it before I even knew it happened. Amazing. So I had to spend all of Sunday changing passwords everywhere.

Then today I had one of those dental visits from hell. Infected right front tooth. Haven't eaten since Sunday! He numbed me out and OMG it hurt afterwards! Had to come home, take a vicodin and pass out.

30 minutes ago the earth shook and it had nothing to do with sex!!! It was a 3.0 earthquake.

The good news is my dog hasn't thrown up on the hardwood floor so I can't complain too much..

I need my family but they're too busy. Or whatever. Will someone adopt me?

Love,

Peggy