Something different about the heart?

[liza]

I can totally relate to how you feel! I remember I always thought "If only it were my leg or something...I can definitely live without my leg. But my heart?? Why does it have to be my heart??" I was really moody and really dwelled on the whole situation. It was such a scary ordeal, but looking back I almost want to laugh at myself for being so worried. There is definitely risk, but there's also risk to getting into a car everyday. But I think it kinda made it easier for me because I didn't really have a choice. And I feel SO much better now (at almost 6 months since my OHS) than I have in years. It's great!

I bet things will go well for you, at least we have youth and determination on our side. Be sure to keep us updated!

Liza, who just turned 25 today

 

[JCDavis81]

Liza -- haven't heard from you in a while! Congrats on the big 2-5. Now you can officially rent a car...the last big milestone between childhood and adult hood

You're right I want to laugh at myself too. I'm tired of worrying, I'm tired of emotional roller coaster. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself when there are so many other people that have been dealt a much more terrible hand than mine.

So I want to say, 'screw it...bring it on.' Throw your best at me and I'll survive. Even if I don't there's nothing I can do about it right? I've got a great surgeon a great hospital, friends and family that will be there fore me AND I've gone through this before so I know what to expect...and from what I remember, it really just wasn't that bad.

I want to say that I'm calm and collected and ready to go.

And hopefully, sometime before my surgery, when I say that, I'll really believe it.

Joe

 

[Marguerite53]

This has been very illuminating

This has been very illuminating

Hi Joe. What an interesting thread you have started. You who must possess such a literal sense of the English language, have brought out some beautiful and deep insights from many in our community. Duke obviously knew what they were doing when they offered you a place in their law school.

The only close experience I have so far (I?m in the Waiting Room) was my father?s triple by-pass 8 years ago. My cousin performs angiograms and so my father insisted that he have his surgery at my cousin?s hospital, to ?give them my business? I think was how he put it. My father is now 85. We?re very close. I?m his only child, my parent?s long divorced. He?s about the most generous, optimistic, verbose, analytic man I know. After his successful surgery, my cousin gave me a tour of the hospital he knew. He took me into his little technical room and showed me the video of my father?s angiogram. For 15 minutes he tracked the progress of my father?s heart?s deterioration for me. He showed me how little branches of veins had burst forth to channel the flow to compensate for the blockages. He said he?d never before seen a heart system that had worked so long and hard to live. This was one heart that really wanted to keep beating.

Now, my cousin can be somewhat of a drama king. Maybe it was all a load of bs. I don?t know. But I?ll be going into the OR (someday) confident that I?ve inherited a heart that similarly wants to keep on beating; that someone very, very qualified (and they don?t get a heck of a lot more qualified than they are for you at Duke) will be holding my heart in their expert hands manipulating it, rebuilding it and willing it to become stronger. I think every part of our body wants to heal. I don?t think that any piece of it is different in that respect.

Maybe you?ve had enough character building (I agree!). But, as they say, you?re young, you?ll bounce back! Don?t imagine for a minute that the world is finished with you! Just toss any negative feelings into a paper bag and throw them out with the trash!

Glad you joined our group! Take care and keep us posted.

Marguerite

 

[tobagotwo]

I believe we have all thought about the fact that we might not make it. It would be inhuman not to have had the thought cross your mind. Like many others here, I dwelt on it in whimpering silence on long, sleepless nights, as close as a breath to the person I most trust in the world, but a universe away from ever revealing that terror to her. Had I shared that, she would have had to live with it too, and that somehow would have made it unbearable for me. She had enough concerns.

As far as the heart being different, I'm not really sure I agree. I suspect it's a relative thing. If you were having lung surgery, you'd likely be thinking about how badly you need to breathe to survive. Your kidneys would seem quite necessary as well, if they were up for surgical modification. The same would seem true about brain surgery, although many seem to make it quite far without a discernable thought in their heads...

I liked the part where the "control" part of my mind gave up, the day before surgery, and gave it over to the professionals. There was nothing else left that it could do, so it ran inside my brain and slammed the door behind it, and it stayed there sulking until it was all over. I achieved a marvelous peace that day, that I can often still call up.

Best wishes,

 

[PapaHappyStar]

Hey all,

My rational mind knows the odds of something terrible happening during surgery are pretty small but sometimes, in my weaker moments, I worry about what could go wrong.

Doctors seem to treat the heart as just another organ and I try to tell myself to buck up and this surgery is no different than any other and worrying about death is just absurd.

But do you all think there is something different about the heart, or that we have all been taught there is something different about the heart? What I mean is, while phisiologically heart surgery is no more dangerous than say, i dont know - lung surgery, we're taught from a very young age that the heart is what keeps us alive. Literature, songs, movies and poems all tell you that the heart is the center of our being. While doctors may of course disagree, do you think these feelings that exist in society are what makes heart patients worry so much about what could go wrong? What makes us worry so much about having our "heart stopped"?

Has anyone else ever thought about this?

best,
Joe

I did think a bit about why I was fearful, heart surgery can cause profound existential angst...

Some things to note about the heart ... made me feel better about being somewhat irrational about my fear:

You are more aware of being dynamically alive through the heart/circ. system than through any other organ system -- no heart beat/pulse and you'd be pronouned dead not too long ago

Even physiologically its got more protection/importance than the lungs -- the sternum protects the heart in front and the lungs in the back and it is located in the center ( or pretty close to the geometric center ) of the body, where it ought to be for fluid pressure + pump efficiency purposes. The lungs are where they are because of the heart.

The heart is also probably a sort of super CPU clock for the autonomous nervous system. I think there is a feedback loop from the heart to the central nervous system which directly affects conscious experience and body physiology.

There is very little redundancy in the design of the heart, its almost the first system to to be completely formed in the embryo -- its more precise, detailed and delicate and probably has more space in the genetic code of the body than any other single organ, its also not very self similar ( i.e. if you look at any cross-section through it -- its different from any other cross-section )

Pretty good fable about the heart so far huh? Its a good idea to take care of it very well, I think one shouldnt dismiss the seat of the soul caricature. I doubt if doctors disagree about the importance of the heart -- the largest surgical centers and departments in the largest hospitals are cardiac, cardiac surgeons are almost invaribly the highest paid ( and busiest ).

 

[McCln]

Do you think that you are the only one worrying about the surgery? If you have a good one, he is worried about it also. When I had my second, replacement, my surgeon worried plenty. I was running a little fever and would not operate till we figured out what caused the fever in the first place. He could not in good concience open me up with the chances of getting sicker. So we delayed surgery and two weeks later, done. Everyone worries when come to any minor or major surgery. You are in good company. It is natural to worry about what ifs, I did. So just hang in there with the what ifs. You will be fine. It is normal.