Social Security--haha

[Ross]

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to
apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's
license to verifyhis age.
He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet
at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to
have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt. "So he opens his
shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says,
That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and
she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about
his experience at the social security office. She says,
You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability too."

 

[Granbonny]

Hahahahahaha

Hahahahahaha

I bet that was your true story Granbonny

 

[hensylee]

That's so funny, Ross.

 

[bvdr]

Thanks Ross, I needed that laugh.

 

[hensylee]

Our Canadian Members will appreciate this!

Really Dumb Tourists!

All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists
(Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information
kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!)

1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk
Crossing" signs?

2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?

3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?"
Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' "
Tourist: "Oh".

4. Are the bears with collars tame?

5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?

6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or
should I store it in my tent?

7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?

8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me
what it was?

9. Are there birds in Canada?

10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?

11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?

12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?

13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that
Saskatchewan?

14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?

15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?

16. How far is Banff from Canada?

17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?

18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?

19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to
British pounds?

20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one,
don't they?

21. Are there phones in Banff?

22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles?

23. We're on the decibel system you know.

24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??

25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?

26. Don't you Canadians know anything?

27. Where do you put the animals at night?

28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the
bottom."
Tourist: "Oh!"

 

[Christina]

Ross and Ann.

Thanks for the haha's on this early Saturday morning. My husband and I had a real good laugh.

 

[hensylee]

How's your aging intelligence? Take the following test (5 questions) here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces are so you don't see the answers until you have made your own....

OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin.


1. What do you put in a toaster?
















A. The answer is "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.



If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.


2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World."



If you said, "water" then proceed to Question 3.


3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?

















Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions??


If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.


4. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?


















Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room.



Everyone else proceed to the final question.


5. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.

What was the name of the bus driver?














Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? YOU are the driver!

 

[bvdr]

Ann, I'm obviously having more problems with pump-headedness
than even I was aware of. T H A N K S A L O T!

 

[Granbonny]

O.K. Ann

O.K. Ann

Where did the slang..Okay..aka O.K. come.......Let's see which of our intelligent valvers get it first. I got the answer from History Channel. That should be a clue. Bonnie

 

[SHerrin Hutt]

small talk

small talk

Hi Everbody
It is 1:37 Am here I found these jokes to be too! I sleep today 18 hrs. do you think I"ll get any sleep tonight.
Sherrrin Hutt

 

[hensylee]

Bonnie - didn't it come from the military code alphabet? During WWI or WWII?

 

[sylviayasgur]

thanks for those laughs!!!

thanks for those laughs!!!

betty,
it's not pumpheadedness, because i had the same trouble and joey is the patient here, not me.... could it be age creeping up on us???
thanks for those funnies ann and ross! loved them.

 

[Granbonny]

Ann

Ann

NOT..from what I heard.

 

[bvdr]

OK Bonnie. The suspense is killing me....what is the answer?

 

[Granbonny]

Betty

Betty

Nope..let the smarties on VR.. find it. I know.. Give them something to do this winter..The first one gets a Possum Pie from me..Shipped frozen... Bonnie

 

[hensylee]

Georgia is ethnic!

 

[Granbonny]

Katie

Katie

Hoka Hey..NAY... You can swap armadillo..for the possum and have an Armadillo Pie. Bonnie

 

[tiggerangelgirl]

was it from the battle of the {i dont know how to spell it } the ok carol,you know the one that is in the pee=wee hermans great adventure when he looses his bike and goes to texas{i think)something to do with that spanish battle.
i had to guess i use to be a whiz kid in school ,i graduated two years early what good has that done me ,i never liked to learn history how about a science question?

 

[hensylee]

long as we're studying it, let's start at the beginning with the original okay:

Abbreviation of oll korrect, slang respelling of all correct.]
Word History: OK is a quintessentially American term that has spread from English to many other languages. Its origin was the subject of scholarly debate for many years until Allen Walker Read showed that OK is based on a joke of sorts. OK is first recorded in 1839 but was probably in circulation before that date. During the 1830s there was a humoristic fashion in Boston newspapers to reduce a phrase to initials and supply an explanation in parentheses. Sometimes the abbreviations were misspelled to add to the humor. OK was used in March 1839 as an abbreviation for all correct, the joke being that neither the O nor the K was correct. Originally spelled with periods, this term outlived most similar abbreviations owing to its use in President Martin Van Buren's 1840 campaign for reelection. Because he was born in Kinderhook, New York, Van Buren was nicknamed Old Kinderhook, and the abbreviation proved eminently suitable for political slogans. That same year, an editorial referring to the receipt of a pin with the slogan O.K. had this comment: ?frightful letters... significant of the birth-place of Martin Van Buren, old Kinderhook, as also the rallying word of the Democracy of the late election, ?all correct?.... Those who wear them should bear in mind that it will require their most strenuous exertions... to make all things O.K.?

Tomorrow I will hunt for a-ok -

 

[LDS4EVER]

TOO FUNNY

TOO FUNNY

I really liked that made me laugh I needed that very cute hey i told my ex the same thing