so sad and heartbroken... our first is off to college

[sylviayasgur]

hi all out there!
i will be away for the next 5 days, taking our oldest daughter to new orleans.
while i'm away, i just wanted to wish you good people recovering all the best:
walter_ keep up the good work and the positive attitude! i look forward to hearing about all the progress when i return.
ross_ i wish you continued progress, albeit small, with each passing day. sometimes recovery can be a little slower for some people, so please try and be patient. i hope to see you back on the forum when i come home next week!
those of you going in for surgery this week: becky, charlie (cmcherry), nashville dave, and adam, i wish you all the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. the worst will be behind you before you know it and you will be up and walking around in no time. i know this is a scary time for you and your families, but as everyone here has said, just put your trust in God.
(if i've forgotten anyone, please accept my apologies.)

i hate to be a whiner. after all, compared to all this, taking a kid to college is a piece of cake!
no one ever told me how painful and difficult it could be though. we are a very close family and joey and i have always shared most things with our girls. the thought of her being gone for so long (and so far) brings tears to my eyes.
my birthday is next week (the day after we return) and for the last 14 years, each year joey asks me what i want to do for my day. my response has always been the same "as long as i'm with my guy and my 2 girls, it doesn't matter what we do". well, this is the first year in 14 that we will not all be together. i am heart-sick about it.
i know this is a great time in her life and she will blossom and really "live", but it's me who is having a hard time separating, not her.
i'm so sorry to be such a big baby about this, i am just soooo saddened by this whole thing and having a very hard time.
joey is great and supportive and so is our youger daughter, but we are all pretty much in the same boat.
any advice/wise words from any of you who've been here would be so appreciated.
thanks for all your support and help all these months.
fondly, sylvia

 

[hensylee]

Oh YEAH - I can relate. Think I was ready for the grave when my oldest child went off to college. We drove her up to Florida State and the moment we drove away, my life became empty. We were so close and still are. She's married, is a grandmother now, but when I think of those long ago days, I could still cry. It will pass in time, but it will always be a remembered difficult time in your life.

May I suggest that you celebrate your birthday AND her leaving the nest while you are in her college town. Please encourage her, don't cry in front of her if you can help it (she'll feel guilty about 'leaving' you). Make your celebration one that neither of you will forget and then go home with a satisfied heart that she truly is going to be ok without you - she will, you know. Try to be happy for her - this is what you raised her to do - eventually leave you for a life of her own. Daughters never go away, you know. Besides, she's just a phone call away.

You have my complete sympathy. If I can help, I will. God bless

 

[Zipper]

Hi Sylvia,

Oh...I do empathize with you. When My 'babies' (twin boys) went off to college I was so nervous, happy, and sad at the same time.!! They chose different colleges too..so the first time they'd lived apart from each other and us and would not be home to share birthdays.

Yep..I cried and cried....but they were so happy and just loved the whole experience that I got over it. After the first year I stopped sending the gift baskets so often... lol...very expensive if you use the college order forms.

Remember..she'll be home often and for most holidays..that helps. She'll call often (in the beginning...chuckle). Smile Mother..it'll be just fine!!

Take care,

Zip *~*

 

[Mara]

Sylvia-

Here is the daughters prospective, since I have no kids.
It's hard to go off, but you are torn between having a great time and then leaving behind your childhood. That first year is a time of huge change and at the winter break you will hardly recognize her, but the good news is, you will again know a lot and not be the "dummy" you were during high school. You remember that day she woke up and informed you that during the night all your brains slipped out of your head and you didn't have a clue. Now you will again.
I agree with Zipper, celebrate your b-day in New Orleans and don't cry when you leave. You will just make it harder to say good bye.
She still loves you, and you will know this every time she calls for more pizza money or to complain about her insufferable roomie.
The four years will fly by for you both and before you know it she'll be back on your doorstep looking for the deluxe accommodations she left behind.
Take heart Sylvia! Countless parents and daughters have survived, it's an exciting time for you both.
-Mara

 

[Rain]

I'm crying with you, Sylvia.

I'm crying with you, Sylvia.

Hello Sylvia,

It?s not open heart surgery, but it?s not a ?piece of cake? either. I sooo remember sending my oldest son off to college his freshman year. We went to the college with him (an 8 hr. drive) to help him get moved in. Yes, I did cry as I put my arms around him and said good bye that afternoon. And guess what?? Things weren?t any different when I had to walk away from his little brother two years later. You just have to be happy that they have turned out to be such wonderful people. They are doing exactly what we raised them to be doing at this time in their lives. My oldest son is now starting his senior year. I'm so proud of both of them.

Less than an hour ago I gave his little brother a hug and made him swear to drive safe. He's never driven so far alone or in a big city. Of course he is fearless. lol He?s starting his sophomore year. In an apartment of his own! Yikes! At least he's at CSU with his brother this year. Like Zipper?s kids ... my Ry wanted to go to UNC his freshman year. No way on Earth I could talk him into going to CSU where big bro was... Of course I think the girlfriend attending UNC had a LOT to do with it.

I miss the years gone by, but at the same time I am so very proud of them and the people they have become. And they aren?t gone forever... this is just another chapter.

Hang in there, Sylvia. I know it?s hard. It?s never easy to let them go. Buy her a phone card. Staying in close contact and lots of communication are very important. They need our support, whether they admit it or not.

I feel your pain this morning,
Rain

 

[joy]

Hi Syl, I guess I have never sent a kid to college, but I have went my husband away to school! Just think, she's going off to chase her dreams, what ever they may be. I wish her luck, and hey, if you ever need someone to talk to , my e-mail address is [email protected]. Feel free to e-mail me anytime! Take care!
JOy

 

[sylviayasgur]

hensylee, zipper, mara, rain and joy,
thank you for your kind words of support. we got back from new orleans today (said our goodbyes last night).
i never realized it would be this difficult for me, but i miss her terribly. i know that it will get easier and i am fully aware that she will do fine and this is a GOOD thing in our lives..... i just think it will take me some time to get easy with this separation.
thank you again for your thoughtful words, they made me feel so much better.
-sylvia

 

[joy]

YOu know what? My mom went through this same sort of thing. Only it was with me, the baby of the family. None of us went to college, (well, not yet) but when I moved to Wa from MN, that's 1800 miles away, so I just ghought I would say, I think I understand...from my mom's point of view. I always keep my e-mail lines open, though. Take care!
Joy

 

[Zipper]

I know it's hard..glad we helped a little! Just wait...she'll come home with a stack of laundry and you'll be so happy to do it for her.lol! I just kept sending stuff...cards, cookies, anything I could think of..their friends loved me..lol! Hang in..it'll get easier like you said....We're here for you!!

Zip *~*

 

[Gisele]

Here's a hug ((((((HUG))))))...and a tissue

Here's a hug ((((((HUG))))))...and a tissue

I can relate when my son left for boot camp nearly 6 years ago, and I knew there would be no phone conversations, only letters. But I wrote every day so that he would know that he was loved and we were supporting him. It's the little things like that which they appreciate. (he left for the marine corp boot camp 2 weeks before christmas). . I tried not to cry at Logan airport (with everyone starting at me) when we sent him off to Okinawa Japan for one year. Got a good MCI phone plan, and now that is all a distant memory. He met his beautiful bride when his unit went to Australia and they just had celebrated their 6mos wedding anniversary. So wipe those tears, and when you need support just log on and your friends here can get you through the day.

Gisele

 

[Granbonny]

College choice?

College choice?

Syl..Just curious why your daughter chose to go to New Orleans for college. Is it the Nursing school there? Forget the name but well known..Winter break will be here before you know it.. Bonnie

 

[Sunshine susan]

"...the day we tore the goal posts down..."

"...the day we tore the goal posts down..."

Hi Sylvia--I can relate as I know how I felt when my only child (daughter) left for college 3 years ago. She is now a senior at Univ. of FL, just a couple of hours away. Believe me, you will be just as needed as you ever were! My daughter is a senior this year and in an apartment for the first time off campus. Her first year was hard because she went from a graduating class of 45 to a school with over 40,000! But we have made it as fun as possible. She is very involved and studies a lot so not a lot of time these days, so you sort of get used to it gradually. But like others have said, it is so neat to see them become real grown-up people, a true work of art. And that is ultimately where the satisfation comes from which over time eases a lot of the separation anxiety. Good luck--just encourage her and cheer her on--it is a wonderful time! Susan

 

[Stevo]

Awwww, not fair. Your daughter is about to have the best time of her life. I would go back in a heartbeat (pun intended, I guess!) given the opportunity, although I have no idea what my mother thought of it all (she's very 'English', as, I suppose, am I)

Think of it that way. She's going to have the time of her life once she's settled in, as well as giving herself infinite job prospects. An opportunity many would kill for but don't have the chance.

Regards
Steve

 

[sylviayasgur]

thank you all for your thoughtfulness!
rachel has finally settled in and seems to be happy there, which, in turn, makes me feel more comfortable with this separation. she calls and i have regained my former name, "mommy" _ which i must say, i love!
she does make an effort to keep in touch and so i know she's fine.
thank you all for your wise words; i am so appreciative.
hope you're all well (i'v'e been away with joey and his family, up fishing in the thousand islands_ what a wonderful place!!!! love it!)
-sylvia