Question.

[cldlhd]

Thank you very much cldlhd, I now need to trust my GP and take this medication as I am too obsessed reading the side effects part!!..... What you said is very true and I;m exactly the same finding myself wishing to turn back time and spend more time with kids. I really appreciate your kind comments. What you're doing today sounds fun, I really like the idea of actually living the present rather than constantly worried about the future......

No problem we all need a boost now and then and a lot of those really scary side effects are very rare and put on the label for cya ( cover your ass) legal purposes.

 

[valdab]

I couldn't ask for a better GP, he was great in listening to my concerns and took his time to help me. I think its now up to me to make something out of this, maybe I need a hobby, write a book, something.

I can identify with your mindset - 100%. I have frequent thoughts of death and dying; have done ever since I was a teenager so it predates my BAV diagnosis.

Perhaps where we differ, is I that have an all-consuming interest in my life; photography. I live, eat, breathe and sometimes teach it. Consequently, I spend only a small amount of time on this forum and my morbid thoughts when they come, are relatively transient. I check once a week - more if I am involved in a thread (which is seldom). I feel guilty because I lurk but don't contribute but I know that if I allow myself to become obsessed with my condition, it will start to define me.
If you are able to find an interest that you can really become absorbed in, then I feel sure it will help.

 

[themalteser]

CYA - I like that cldlhd! I hope you had a great day with your son and you found a car you like.

Valdab - you're right, I'm too busy worrying about everything , that I actually have no real hobbies or sports. I need to think about doing something interesting. If I may ask, what do you teach Valdab?

Really thank you very much all, . I am very appreciative of all your comments and help. It's fantastic.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

Really thank you very much all, . I am very appreciative of all your comments and help. It's fantastic.

I had initially hesitated to say anything about your anxiety and thoughts because I expected that it would not land on fertile ground, but given your reply above I thought I'd give it a whack.

Now, this is not simple, nor is it "main stream"

Firstly as a biochemist trained kind of guy I see drugs as being for specific purposes. Without a clear (and I really mean clear) diagnosis of the purpose you are just shooting with a shotgun into the bushes and hoping there is a bird there. You may actually shoot the wrong thing without a clear target. Pharma companies just want to sell drugs, the more expensive the better.

Taking drugs that effect your personality and mood is so abhorrent to me that I'd just as sooner give my house keys and all my passwords to a total stranger who smiled at me and seemed nice.

While it is true that there are cases where drug therapy (such as seretonin therapy) can be beneficial, my view is that the vast majority is unrequired and at best deos little and at worst simply harmful to the patient.

I take a fusion of Eastern and Western philosophy in my views of the world (No surprises, I've lived in Japan, Korea and travelled in China and India a lot). To me the mind is MINE TO CONTROL. So like the views expressed by Frank Herbert in Dune the control of the mind (self control).

To me the mind is like a garden, if you keep it: it will be neat and ordered. If you do not it will be overgrown, feral and full of weeds.

Humans do almost everything by the acquisition of habit. Seriously you learn to drive by habit , run by habit ... there is recognition of this in the Westernisation of this "Muscle Memory" ... which is so ******** because it is the nerves not the muscles which control and remember. It is by repetition that we build strength and ability So (to quote the Mentat of dune) it is by will alone that you set your mind in motion. The thoughts acquire speed by repetition.

So by habitually focusing on the negative you build a trap for yourself. Negative thoughts are the mental version of a computer virus (also called memes).

So when you see one and recognise it as such - walk away from it. Do not give it space in you mind. Disempower it. Reject it.

I have been through a lot myself, I have taken no drugs and I have stood (well often just laid) up to myself myself. I have confronted the negative and by will alone sought to see them for that and embrace the positive.

Read my Blog on grief. http://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/search/label/grief

perhaps this article is a good start (the above is sorted by date: most recent first. So its sort of backwards journey)

http://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2013/01...verything.html

Some others which may have messages for you

http://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2014/01...w-to-soul.html

Negative thoughts could be regarded as demons attempting to solidify in you only the negative.

Perhaps read Dune and focus on the meanings of the Benegeserit and the Mentats (exemplary of Male and Female thought dicotomy which exists in us all at different ratios)

The Chinese have a saying: a coward dies a thousand times, a brave man just once.

The benegeserit would say:

The Mentat would say "it is by will alone that I set my thoughts in motion"

So what I am saying is reflect, meditate, trim and weed your garden and you will be happy and free and drug free.

Happiness is a state of mind, not a destination.

[ link ]


that's 10 minutes of your time well spent.

He is saying in a different way what I am saying ... don't let someone take away your ability to decide on (choose) your mind set. Especially don't make it a mindless chemical made to profit someone else.

Best Wishes

 

[cldlhd]

So if you have the thought to control your mind that thought comes from the mind so in essence your mind is choosing to control itself? I've believed for a long time that people are either happy or they're not , of course there are varying degrees. At a certain point more money won't make you happy if you're a miserable person. However if you are a happy person more money to share and have more fun with doesn't hurt. If your basic needs aren't being met and you're sleeping under a bridge than some money can help make you happier I had a conversation with a guy at work just yesterday about this subject. He's a great guy but he definitely focuses on the negative and it's not hard to find at my work if you look for it. I've tried to adjust his way of looking at things but he's a bit set in his ways. He's close to retirement and just bought a $65,000 truck to tow his $100,000 camper around the country. I told him from a material perspective he lives better the 99% of the world but he was bitching that diesel went up a few cents and he takes it personal , like he's being screwed. We have a toxic personality at work but I told him you can't change that guy but you can change how much you let it effect you. That doesn't mean don't stand up for yourself but don't sit around and stew on it.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

So if you have the thought to control your mind that thought comes from the mind so in essence your mind is choosing to control itself?

yes ... its not like we don't have simultaneous internally divergent views ... or (as some cartoons show) a little angle on one shoulder and a devil on the other saying "doo it".

That doesn't mean don't stand up for yourself but don't sit around and stew on it.

exactly

https://soundcloud.com/youarenotsosm...alism-lee-ross

 

[valdab]

CYA - I like that cldlhd! I hope you had a great day with your son and you found a car you like.

Valdab - you're right, I'm too busy worrying about everything , that I actually have no real hobbies or sports. I need to think about doing something interesting. If I may ask, what do you teach Valdab?

Really thank you very much all, . I am very appreciative of all your comments and help. It's fantastic.

I occasionally lead workshops for a company called Light and Land, teaching my slightly offbeat approach to landscape photography

 

[themalteser]

Pellicle – this is fruit for thought. You have given me something to really think about; I have actually saved your document and your blog links and re-read your message many times, to absorb all value from this.

I started reading your blog. Firstly, I am really sorry for your loss. Your journey is so beautifully written, that it’s like I’m reading a book. This is very inspirational and I am reading it chronologically.
I will go look into the youtube link you sent to me, later this evening as well.

Last Monday, I downloaded a book called: The Master Key System, by F. HAANEL. The book describes the power of thoughts and repetition, and I am only at the first chapter. It states that, constant focus on problems makes the problems larger , as it’s not from the external, but from the internal that power to change things is derived. It seems to be a very interesting book and it talks about the solar plexus and other interesting matters, all related to the power of thought control.
It seems that what you’re telling me is that, if I learn how to control my thoughts and focus on keeping “the garden neat and ordered”, I will be able to actually change these feelings and do something good for myself.

I focus too much on death, sad issues, heart appointment, surgery etc. As you said, these became a habit and my brain has actually learned this behaviour and I’m accepting these on a daily basis. I have not moved on for almost over 5 years and the only thing I have not done is to reject these thoughts, as I’ve, to the contrary, been told to accept these negative thoughts, rather than confront them.
Now then, I have a lot to work on. Constantly spending hours on a daily basis being so negative, is going to take a lot of patience and time to make these changes and I need to learn. I used the pill that the doctor prescribed me and I was shattered the following day, I couldn’t focus on anything. This is not really the life I want to have. I then thought in taking eastern herbs, such as Gotu Kola, Ashwaganda etc. And I am currently researching on these, but the key is to change my habits and to change my habits I need to control my thoughts.

Where should I start? The information you given me is valuable. The Master Key System seems to be a great book; I have a family and friends that supports me and a great community here available to me, to talk about my thoughts and feelings. It is now up to me. I will watch your youtube link later on today and make a plan this evening on how to tackle this, step by step.
I have looked at the book by Frank Herbert, the Dune. Is it the Dune sequence book 1 ?

Pellicle, thank you very much for this valuable information, my brain is set on working towards this. It is extremely helpful.

 

[pellicle]

Good Morning

Pellicle – this is fruit for thought. You have given me something to really think about;

I'm glad. Such is good as even if you eventually reject it as being "not quite your fit" it will take you further down the road to self actualisation :-0

The problem is of course communication with words. I have an idea in my head and say a word you think something different (but close).

I started reading your blog. Firstly, I am really sorry for your loss.

Thank you for your kindness. While I have written much on the topic (to express myself to myself) I still come back to the fact that there are no words : only tears.

I'm glad that expressing my journey and my discoveries about what I knew unconsciously (into the conscious) helps anyone. That's part of why I wrote it.

I guess that I subscribe to Soticism. Perhaps just reading this link will clear up that point https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism

Perhaps this point clarifies the view succinctly:
The ancient Stoics are often misunderstood because the terms they used pertained to different concepts in the past than they do today. The word "stoic" has come to mean "unemotional" or indifferent to pain, because Stoic ethics taught freedom from "passion" by following "reason". The Stoics did not seek to extinguish emotions; rather, they sought to transform them by a resolute "askēsis" that enables a person to develop clear judgment and inner calm.[SUP][19][/SUP]Logic, reflection, and concentration were the methods of such self-discipline.

Last Monday, I downloaded a book called: The Master Key System, by F. HAANEL. The book describes the power of thoughts and repetition, and I am only at the first chapter. It states that, constant focus on problems makes the problems larger , as it’s not from the external, but from the internal that power to change things is derived. ...It seems that what you’re telling me is that, if I learn how to control my thoughts and focus on keeping “the garden neat and ordered”, I will be able to actually change these feelings and do something good for myself.

yes, and I feel that book intersects with my view significantly.

I focus too much on death, sad issues, heart appointment, surgery etc. As you said, these became a habit and my brain has actually learned this behaviour and I’m accepting these on a daily basis.

I expect that it came as a shock and that you are still struggling with how to incorporate that knowledge into yourself. Perhaps you are still rejecting it at some level, perhaps you are now no longer concerned by the shock but simply now dealing with the shock as a thing itself. Like throwing a stone into a pond, the stone settles before the ripples end.

I have not moved on for almost over 5 years and the only thing I have not done is to reject these thoughts, as I’ve, to the contrary, been told to accept these negative thoughts, rather than confront them.

I suspect the person you spoke to knew nothing (the term Grok from Stranger in a Strange Land comes to mind) and was just repeating them to you. Many who would teach are actually empty and simply echo like a taught bird.

I would say "accept them" for what they are, identify them as not having anything for you and discard them like a packaging. The message (you are mortal) has been delivered, no need to focus on the box.

.... I used the pill that the doctor prescribed me and I was shattered the following day, I couldn’t focus on anything. This is not really the life I want to have.

exactly

Where should I start?

it sounds like you already have found a place The point now is to keep moving in that positive direction.

Each person is different (although we are all the same), but enough of this has been written about by people over the centuries that there is plenty of material out there.

I would say that one of the maladies of American Lifestyle is that people are so distracted by the plethora of messages sent in media and advertising products that the real values of life are often lost. Aldus Huxley made the point that "people act as if death was an unfounded rumor".

The "shock" of mortality to me stems from the denial from all levels that this is the case.

Knowing that you will die has always been a good thing for me. It focuses me on living my life now. On sharing it with those living and treasuring it in case that is something I can take with me to my friends who have passed before me and to my wife and we can share in it somehow there.

If it happens that death is just "off" and nothingness, then I have lost nothing in this philosophy because I have lived as I wish to now.

Yes, Dune is indeed the first book of the series, its a pithy book but if you have time then read it.

Best Wishes

 

[cldlhd]

Good Morning


I'm glad. Such is good as even if you eventually reject it as being "not quite your fit" it will take you further down the road to self actualisation :-0

The problem is of course communication with words. I have an idea in my head and say a word you think something different (but close).



Thank you for your kindness. While I have written much on the topic (to express myself to myself) I still come back to the fact that there are no words : only tears.

I'm glad that expressing my journey and my discoveries about what I knew unconsciously (into the conscious) helps anyone. That's part of why I wrote it.

I guess that I subscribe to Soticism. Perhaps just reading this link will clear up that point https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism

Perhaps this point clarifies the view succinctly:
The ancient Stoics are often misunderstood because the terms they used pertained to different concepts in the past than they do today. The word "stoic" has come to mean "unemotional" or indifferent to pain, because Stoic ethics taught freedom from "passion" by following "reason". The Stoics did not seek to extinguish emotions; rather, they sought to transform them by a resolute "askēsis" that enables a person to develop clear judgment and inner calm.[SUP][19][/SUP]Logic, reflection, and concentration were the methods of such self-discipline.




yes, and I feel that book intersects with my view significantly.



I expect that it came as a shock and that you are still struggling with how to incorporate that knowledge into yourself. Perhaps you are still rejecting it at some level, perhaps you are now no longer concerned by the shock but simply now dealing with the shock as a thing itself. Like throwing a stone into a pond, the stone settles before the ripples end.



I suspect the person you spoke to knew nothing (the term Grok from Stranger in a Strange Land comes to mind) and was just repeating them to you. Many who would teach are actually empty and simply echo like a taught bird.

I would say "accept them" for what they are, identify them as not having anything for you and discard them like a packaging. The message (you are mortal) has been delivered, no need to focus on the box.



exactly



it sounds like you already have found a place The point now is to keep moving in that positive direction.

Each person is different (although we are all the same), but enough of this has been written about by people over the centuries that there is plenty of material out there.

I would say that one of the maladies of American Lifestyle is that people are so distracted by the plethora of messages sent in media and advertising products that the real values of life are often lost. Aldus Huxley made the point that "people act as if death was an unfounded rumor".

The "shock" of mortality to me stems from the denial from all levels that this is the case.

Knowing that you will die has always been a good thing for me. It focuses me on living my life now. On sharing it with those living and treasuring it in case that is something I can take with me to my friends who have passed before me and to my wife and we can share in it somehow there.

If it happens that death is just "off" and nothingness, then I have lost nothing in this philosophy because I have lived as I wish to now.

Yes, Dune is indeed the first book of the series, its a pithy book but if you have time then read it.

Best Wishes

Aldous Huxley, I believe The Doors named themselves after a line of his. I think the malteser lives in England not America but hey maybe it's close enough culturally...

 

[AmyBL]

Great! There is a section around page 55 where he discusses an awareness of the power of thought. It seems right up your alley. No rush. In fact, once Jan. 19th hits, I will have quite a bit of time on my hands, recovering from surgery.

 

[themalteser]

Thank you very much all. I have started a list of things I want to achieve. I have not taken another Mitrazapine and I am trying to live on a day by day basis. I know its a long way to change all my negative thoughts, but I am working on it. I wake up and convince myself that I'm happy, I'm fine etc. As you said pellicle, making this a habit and start to clear the 'garden' of my mind. I am trying to find a proper yoga place somewhere around me and I've downloaded the books you suggested. I have also booked my Christmas to Germany, to spend it with my family over there and try and forget all about the MRI appointment etc.

I really appreciate your time to write your messages to me and thank you very much once again.

P.S I do live in "Sunny" England I would say that its probably quite similar in terms of Media and advertising product messages that are diluting the values of life.

 

[pellicle]

Aldous Huxley, I believe The Doors named themselves after a line of his. I think the malteser lives in England not America but hey maybe it's close enough culturally...

Thanks, despite being a fan I had never researched that.

The band took its name from the title of Aldous Huxley's book The Doors of Perception,[SUP][5][/SUP] which itself was a reference to a William Blakequote: "If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite."[SUP][6][/SUP]

Thains, I quite like Blake too

PS: by American Lifestyle I was not meaning living in the USA, but the shift in values from WW2 to now. I consider this to be driven by the distribution of "The American Dream"