Question re staying in ICU with hubby first night...

[Ella4hubby]

Hello All,

My husband and I are still awaiting a call for DH's Mitral Valve Replacement surgery....this waiting is no fun at all!

Anyhow, I was told during DH's preop session that I could stay the first night after surgery with my husband in the ICU...I am wondering on what people's thoughts and experiences are on this.

We live about 35-40 mins drive (outside of traffic times) from the hospital, so technically I could go home each night. I am undecided about staying that first night, as I assume I will not get much of any sleep--my understanding is that staff will be doing one thing or another every hour if not more often...I assume lights remain on and noise will be a factor. The nurse who mentioned this to me also said that I could possibly rest in a room nearby (?)...will have to go check that out perhaps while waiting during surgery time.

I am struggling with some health problems of my own, specifically low thyroid function, and if I don't get sleep, I may not be much of any support or encouragement to my husband...

In the meantime, I've set up a small bag just in case I do end up staying overnight....

What have others done? Experiences? Suggestions?

 

[anutherbuddy]

We, too, live about 45 min from hospital (if the traffic is ok). I could have stayed but the hospital staff encouraged me to go home. I'm glad I did. My nerves were pretty shot and there was very little I could have done if I had stayed. I was able to call any time I wanted to see how he was doing and that was a comfort. Of course I spent every day at the hospital - got there about 9am and left about 7pm. You will need all the rest you can get for when he comes home!

 

[Ella4hubby]

Thanks anutherbuddy for your input. I have the impression from the staff I spoke with at preop that they are very open to keeping family abreast of info. They even said family or friends can come and stay whenever, even when DH is in ICU...(that I'm not so crazy about--I don't see how he could rest with visitors there...).

But what you've shared is what I am tending towards. I have a feeling I too will be wiped by the end of surgery day. I was also thinking of coming in and leaving outside of rush hour traffic times--don't need that stress on top of everything else!

 

[ski girl]

The night after OHS I wouldn't have known if Santa Claus was in the room, it won't make any difference to your husband if you're there or not. Save the 'being there' for when it will make a difference to him - which is not the first night in ICU!

 

[karla]

Ski Girl took the words out of my mouth! Get your rest. He won't know if you are there or not that first night.

 

[Rachel]

I agree with Ski Girl and Karla, it didn't matter to me that my husband was not with me in the ICU and in fact it wasn't even allowed by the hospital anyway.

I say go home and get some sleep!!! I think you'll need your strength for later, being the caretaker is a full-time job

Rachel

 

[dwhist]

We live about 2 miles from hospital and the first night my wife went home just after they gave me another morphine shot around 7 pm. She had planned on staying as room had a pull out bed, but needed the rest herself as the hospital is just too noisy to get good rest in without medications.

 

[Adrienne]

Besides everything that everyone else has said, the ICU is the place where a patient gets the most attention from the nurses. I think the ratio is one to one. So, besides being loopy from the drugs, he absolutely will not need you there all night.

 

[SCCWS]

Besides everything that everyone else has said, the ICU is the place where a patient gets the most attention from the nurses. I think the ratio is one to one. So, besides being loopy from the drugs, he absolutely will not need you there all night.

As a recent patient, I agree with going home as well. My wife stayed till I was settled in ICU. As I had been warned on this site and as I had warned my wife, first look at the patient in ICU is not a pretty one. Tubes everywhere. Just be prepared. My wife left after I was settled in and I slept most of the night. Every time I woke up, the same nurse was in the room. Great personal care. My wife came the next morning, after calling several times to check on my status, around 9:00 and I already was up sitting in a chair. She said it was a major difference from the night before.
I am glad she did not stay.

 

[ottagal]

I also agree with the others have said. I probably recall about 2 minutes of my first night in ICU. It will be very impt. to get your rest so that you are available when your spouse really needs you.
Wishing you both the very best!

 

[Noyolk]

Get your rest at home, and remember to let your spouse rest during the day even when no longer in ICU. My family felt it necessary to spend alot of time in long periods with me. It was more comfortable to have shorter visits, with downtime between them. Remember they are on pain meds and attention span may be limited. Wishing the best to both of you.

 

[Mom2izzy]

Another agree here. For me, it wasn't just that I didn't know or care if anyone was there; I really, didn't like having ANY visitors for more than a few minutes. Focusing on making conversation was absolutely exhausting...trying to remember that I wasn't required to make conversation was only slightly less exhausting. I think on about day 3, they let my 3 year old come in to see me. Of course getting a hug from my girl was priceless, but I didn't even want her hanging around too much...kids and all their energy and chatter = even more exhaustion. Are you sensing a theme here? There was probably some pain, most likely some embarrassment, but what I remember most was sheer exhaustion for the first few days. It got better very quickly when I got to leave the hospital.

 

[Ella4hubby]

Well, I guess the consensus is: Go home and rest that first night...makes complete sense and just sounds like a really good idea. Want to keep my strength for the long haul.

Get your rest at home, and remember to let your spouse rest during the day even when no longer in ICU. My family felt it necessary to spend alot of time in long periods with me. It was more comfortable to have shorter visits, with downtime between them. Remember they are on pain meds and attention span may be limited.

Another agree here. For me, it wasn't just that I didn't know or care if anyone was there; I really, didn't like having ANY visitors for more than a few minutes. Focusing on making conversation was absolutely exhausting...trying to remember that I wasn't required to make conversation was only slightly less exhausting. I think on about day 3, they let my 3 year old come in to see me. Of course getting a hug from my girl was priceless, but I didn't even want her hanging around too much...kids and all their energy and chatter = even more exhaustion. Are you sensing a theme here? There was probably some pain, most likely some embarrassment, but what I remember most was sheer exhaustion for the first few days. It got better very quickly when I got to leave the hospital.

Thanks on these pieces of advice also...I have read of other's experiences of exhaustion and difficulty with concentrating...have definitely considered limiting visitors at the hospital.

 

[Ella4hubby]

My wife stayed till I was settled in ICU. As I had been warned on this site and as I had warned my wife, first look at the patient in ICU is not a pretty one. Tubes everywhere. Just be prepared.

Thanks for the reminder on being prepared for quite the sight....I am a nurse and have seen a bit of this and that (mostly worked maternity ward but some general surgery many years ago), but not ICU and not cardiac surgery patients...plus I'm becoming more and more convinced that medical stuff is very different when it's your own husband involved!

I have looked at several photos and such on-line to try to have an idea what to expect--does not look pretty! Almost feel like asking why they don't add a couple of tubes to both ears, being as there are tubes coming out of pretty much every natural orifice and then a bunch of new tubes and wires coming out of places where there aren't normally any openings!!