Post surgery Depression

[bugchucker]

Hello gang. I'm 8 years into my tissue valve and recently learned that I'm likely headed for a second surgery, possibly within the next 12 months. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I did notice a decrease in my overall temperament after my surgery and was somewhat prepared for it. I have dealt with it reasonable well. My current state of mind is very gloomy to say the least. I imagine most of this is situational, a lot has happened in the past year, but I'm wondering how much could be lingering effects from the trauma of my surgery. My recovery was textbook and have continued to lead a very active lifestyle. I have been on an anti-depressant for about 2 months now and do see a therapist regularly. Not sure that anyone who hasn't experience OHS can really relate to what we go through. I'm trying to stay positive, but some days I cannot even get out of bed, I'm losing interest in my passions, sex drive is nil, isolating myself from loved ones, etc. I've not felt suicidal, but I feel myself falling more and more each day. I'm sorry to vent on this forum I just am at a loss as for what else to do.

Phil

 

[Paleowoman]

Dear Phil - really sorry to hear you are heading for a second surgery. I can understand your feelings regarding trauma and depression from this surgery. It is traumatic to go through this kind of surgery, this was explained to me clearly before surgery by a cardiac nurse and I'd read about it in Carol Cohan's 'Coping with Heart Surgery and bypassing Depression'. The trauma is akin to post traumatic stress disorder. I can't imagine how you are feeling now at the prospect of surgery all over again. I reckon your surgical team need to be very aware of your feelings about this. Good that you see a therapist regularly - hopefully they can help carry you through this. What has happened that you need a second surgery ?

PS - just read your other post in which you said the valve was "constricting" - whatever that is. I am PMing you.

 

[Paleowoman]

Tried to PM you Phil but I get a message back: "Can not send message. User bugchucker has exceeded their private message quota." Can you delete some of your PM's ?

 

[Agian]

I am a sad person by nature. What I feel and what people see are very different. This was exacerbated leading up to surgery. You will probably feel down for a while after the operation, but things should eventually return to your baseline; whatever that is. Chin up.

 

[bugchucker]

Tried to PM you Phil but I get a message back: "Can not send message. User bugchucker has exceeded their private message quota." Can you delete some of your PM's ?

Thank you for reaching out, I have cleared out my messages.

Phil

 

[pellicle]

Hi

Hello gang. I'm 8 years into my tissue valve and recently learned that I'm likely headed for a second surgery, possibly within the next 12 months.

**** ... I hate reading this sort of thing ...

I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I did notice a decrease in my overall temperament after my surgery and was somewhat prepared for it. I have dealt

this is not uncommon ... I had a bit of that for about 6 months (perhaps longer when other issues were factored on ...

Not sure that anyone who hasn't experience OHS can really relate to what we go through.

agreed ... which is why I find therapists nothing more than a parasite as mostly they are (at best) well meaning dopes who have no actual experience and are to work thorugh their own problems. (that's my opinion and if you disagree strongly ... well its still my opinion based on my experience)

I'm trying to stay positive, but some days I cannot even get out of bed

I can relate to that (from other issues)

I'm sorry to vent on this forum I just am at a loss as for what else to do.

no need to say sorry ... honesty is what is best. I can't give you any "tricks" except to say that I've found that doing stuff that is outdoor and in the countryside helps me a lot.

I have to get out of the house sometimes and just go even if I don't feel like it ... then I find that the sun on the snow (or the sand depending) lifts my mood

if it was summer (and in Finland now its not) I'd say "go out for a ride"

even if you don't feel like it ... sometimes the road beneath you just improves things

as its winter I'll suggest go out for a ski

So sending good vibes your way
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Best Wishes

 

[jwinter]

Phil, I can relate as several others here can. I only got a little over 4 years on my first valve and facing that second surgery was tough. I did not have the severity of depression with the second one though, so if that was the trade off I am thankful.

I agree with the statement that people who have not been through this do not know all we have to go through. I found that facing my mortality with that first surgery was the worst dark spot I have ever been through. Knowing that without our hearts working properly everything else is truly not an issue.

Now is the time for YOU. Do what you need to do in order to come through this as smoothly as your last surgery. I found a book on meditation and read whatever I could to ease my mind. Find your niche. If you don't like to read, watch videos. If you like projects or exercise do them. I think sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves so if you want to lay in bed a day...........do it.......and then move forward.

Best of luck in the days ahead and know we are here for you.

 

[honeybunny]

Phil, I have been on antidepressants for most of my adult life. Anti-anxiety meds, too. Just the way my brain is wired. For several months prior to being laid off from my job on February 2nd, I was struggling with a morbid outlook on life, wondering why I was even here because I seemed to serve no purpose. Since the layoff, I have been surprisingly energized, despite the fact that losing my job put me in a very precarious financial situation. Ironic because I should be very stressed yet am not. thinking it over I believe I was burned out from working 10 hours a day (with a two hour commute) four days a week, getting up at 4 a.m. My life was all work and no play because I was too tired to play. Now my spirit is being recharged.

The point of this long discourse is to say that my depression was very much situational IMO and I wonder if yours isn't as well. You are facing a MAJOR operation and a MAJOR decision regarding which valve to go with. Either choice could seem depressing: tissue, which would likely lead to a third operation or mechanical, which could restrict your activities. I suspect you are leaning towards the latter and dealing with the thought of a major life change due to anticoagulant therapy.

Seeing a therapist specializing in cognitive therapy could help you identify your fears and find ways to address them. Also, finding a support group such as Mended Hearts (ask SuperBob about them) would give you a place to vent to those who get it. Finally, if what I suspect is correct, listen to the mechanical valvers here who take warfarin and still have very active lifestyles. Pellicle is a great person to latch onto for this. These folks, and their positive experiences, will be your role models and alleviate your concerns about lifestyle changes.

You have real issues to deal with and of course you are overwhelmed. But you are going to be ok. You have more control over this than you think you do. I speak from experience. We are all pulling for you. Sending positive thoughts your way and please keep us posted. We are here 24/7 and we care.

Hugs,
Michele

 

[aetos]

I know it's tough but you'll get thru this again as you have done so. Perhaps try not isolating yourself from loved ones, stay open with them and let them know how you feel. Keep your head up Phil, you can do this!

 

[bugchucker]

Thank you all, I truly appreciate all of your kind and thoughtful words. Today was a better day...perhaps another tomorrow. Feeling more positive and motivated to get off my rear end and at least take my poor dog for a walk.

 

[ottagal]

Hi Bugchucker,
I remember you from 2009 as I have my surgery that year, too (tissue valver, too).
You have received some great words of wisdom.
Thinking of you and glad to hear that today is a better day.
Hang in there....you will get through this.
We are all here for you...

 

[dornole]

Phil, I'm really sorry to hear about the depression and I have suffered from it. Stick with the meds, it takes time and don't be afraid to change meds or increase dosages in consultation with your doc.

In terms of "what else," I personally am greatly helped by fun exercise which for me is being outside hiking or geocaching at least 2 hours every single day, and by eating a healthy diet without much sugar or carbs. BELIEVE ME I KNOW that seems practically impossible when you are severely depressed. BUT, I have found that with meds (maybe 2-4 months into taking them) I can eventually muster the energy and within about 10 days it is like night and day in terms of having a "happy for no reason" mood. So, that would be something else you might be able to do, starting very small. Or I have several books I can recommend that I have found helpful. Or a thousand other tricks just to get out of bed and do things and the momentum eventually helps. I don't want to overwhelm you so let me know if/when you want one or two of those.

I am always SO grateful when depression lifts. For me the cycle is, despairing sad paralysis, then making alarming statements to my doc like "I feel awesome! I am almost always numb instead of actively miserable!", then "I am DEFINITELY happy some of the time, I was happy twice this week!" and then . . . . a fairly rapid progression to "I feel happy and calm almost all the time" with the meds, exercise/sunshine/fun, and healthy eating. It is like night and day and so much easier and more pleasant - no matter what the situation, it is 500x harder with depression than without.

I really hope you find relief soon because depression sucks. Please know I'm thinking of you and if there's anything I can share that's helpful I am happy to.

 

[AZ Don]

All I can suggest is to try to focus on the positives. Try to spend your time doing the things that you enjoy and value ... and take your dog for a walk. Best wishes.

 

[pellicle]

... and take your dog for a walk..

I'll second that motion! (which may lead to another motion ;-)

 

[bugchucker]

Thank you DORNOLE. At my last psychiatrist meeting he suggested increasing my Zoloft dosage from 100 mg to 200 mg if I wasn't feeling better. Not sure that I want to try this just yet. I believe your right in that exercise may be the best medicine right now, and my beloved Abi will be thrilled as well!



And once the weather improves my KATIE needs some dirt time too





Hi OTTAGAL! I remember you as well, so great to see your still on VR! Thank you for your kind words.

I think I have gotten over the initial shock of the impending 2nd surgery news, still trying to figure things out, I know that dwelling on it will not help. No pity parties here, things will be better, they HAVE to. I'd say they can't get worse, but I am still above ground, have an amazing son and dog to be grateful for.



Funny, I was re-reading old posts and saw my TOOTS post, I'll have to dig that old awful shirt back out.

Life is too short. Need to continually remind myself of that, it's easy for me to lose sight of the positives when it feels like I just keep getting kicked in the gut.

Again, thank you all, you are encouraging and inspiring me to do better.

Phil

 

[pellicle]

...Life is too short. Need to continually remind myself of that, it's easy for me to lose sight of the positives when it feels like I just keep getting kicked in the gut.

fell over skiing this morning (classic track skis down a hill, hit deep snow ... expected I'd go over at the bottom ... I was right) decided that while I was down and covered in it (deepish powder) I'd just pretend to be 10 for a while and roll around making arm and leg movements

when I got around to getting my poles off my arms and getting my skis off (classic bindings, no quick release the so called "ez release") I stood up and laughed a bit more then dug mys stuff out of the snow and waded back to the track and skiied home.

I always need a good laugh during the day, so never be too busy you can't have a good laugh at yourself ;-)

 

[epstns]

Phil - Your original replacement was a couple of years before mine. So far, I'm doing well with my valve, but I often think about where I would be if I was in your spot. Not an easy one to navigate from, to me.

My opinion of therapists is a bit more positive than pellicle's, but we each have our own experiences and that is where our comments come from. In my case, I felt that I got out of the therapy process as much as I was able to put into it. Kind of like taking a college-level class on managing my own moods, and I knew I had to gain control or things would not be good for me. That exercise was about 25 year ago, and I'm better off now than I was then. (No, I haven't been seeing a therapist for 25 years, pellicle!)

One of the techniques I have developed is sort of mindful meditation. I usually perform this technique while taking long walks - serves two purposes that way, exercise for both the mind and body. I can then mentally converse with myself, asking myself what it is that bothers me, what I'm afraid of and what I can do to make things better. I can then mentally plan my life and activities, trying on various alternatives and their outcomes until I arrive at the one I prefer. Then I can plan what I will need to do to make that happen.

When the weather does not cooperate and it is too nasty to walk (I live near Chicago. . . ), I find that keeping a journal can accomplish the same end. I can write that same conversation with myself, asking myself questions and answering them, trying on plans, etc. Often I write these musings, take them to their logical conclusions, re-read them, and then shred them. I don't need to keep them once they have calmed my mind. Job is done and I am back to my day, just like after a walk.

Am I a therapist? NO! I have simply found some techniques that work for me. Maybe these will work for you.