jake
Well-known member
Maria:
They warned me time and time again at the hospital that the younger and stronger we are, the more painful it will be. They were right and like your husband, I have pushed a lot of plates in my life, worked cement for years and carry a lot of chest muscle. I’m a little over 3 weeks post op for my aorta repair and I know exactly how he feels.
With the sleep depravation, progressing into unrelenting pain, which gave way to hyper-ventilation…. BLAM! Panic attack.
Being a big strong guy whose coping skills have been challenged for the last couple years for going from 100% perfectly healthy and strong weight lifting cement guy, welder and mechanic to a cardiac patient with a time bomb in my chest who went from busting out driveways to being afraid to pick up a case of bottled water can really wear on our fragile male ego's. We think we are made of steel. I would watch TV and don’t even think a bit about hearing about other people’s health problems, than all of a sudden, I spend at least an hour a two a week doing research on my affliction. I now see every single thing in the whole world in a different light and I’m now forced to depend on those who we thought depended on us. At times, through this traumatic event our bodies and minds are going through, we are now re-defining ourselves and questioning our worth as providers and whether we will ever have a "normal" life again. Sure, deep down I know everything will be fine, but when stuff hurts and that heart starts pounding, my common sense switches off and my fight or flight switches on.
This sounds pretty rough doesn’t it? As much as most of us want to believe that we have been blessed with a second chance, we will take away valuable life lessons, and everything is going to be just fine and we will recover in time, the bottom line is we are right here, right now and its very frustrating and scary and at times. I wish I had the answer but both your husband and I are passengers in the same car trying to get to the same place and it’s a very difficult ride with a lot of unplanned detours and rough roads. We have no control over the situation and if your husband is anything like me, being a “type A” personality, we are not good at giving up control and relying on others.
Last thing I want to say is that through all of this, my wife has really taken the brunt of the stress in my household. My wife has to re-assure me regularly that everything will be ok and things are going just fine. She keeps my brain engaged in other things and gets me a lot of mob movies to keep my mind occupied while holding down the rest of the household. She had to hoist me in and out of my bed at times, quash my anxiety with words of kindness and kick me out of my self pity from time to time. This is no picnic for the spouses and I think my wife has a much more difficult job through all of this than I do. I have people attending to my needs all over the place, she doesn’t. Make sure your good to yourself and don’t let the stress pull you down. Take some time for your own mental well being Maria this is surely no picnic for you or your husband.
They warned me time and time again at the hospital that the younger and stronger we are, the more painful it will be. They were right and like your husband, I have pushed a lot of plates in my life, worked cement for years and carry a lot of chest muscle. I’m a little over 3 weeks post op for my aorta repair and I know exactly how he feels.
With the sleep depravation, progressing into unrelenting pain, which gave way to hyper-ventilation…. BLAM! Panic attack.
Being a big strong guy whose coping skills have been challenged for the last couple years for going from 100% perfectly healthy and strong weight lifting cement guy, welder and mechanic to a cardiac patient with a time bomb in my chest who went from busting out driveways to being afraid to pick up a case of bottled water can really wear on our fragile male ego's. We think we are made of steel. I would watch TV and don’t even think a bit about hearing about other people’s health problems, than all of a sudden, I spend at least an hour a two a week doing research on my affliction. I now see every single thing in the whole world in a different light and I’m now forced to depend on those who we thought depended on us. At times, through this traumatic event our bodies and minds are going through, we are now re-defining ourselves and questioning our worth as providers and whether we will ever have a "normal" life again. Sure, deep down I know everything will be fine, but when stuff hurts and that heart starts pounding, my common sense switches off and my fight or flight switches on.
This sounds pretty rough doesn’t it? As much as most of us want to believe that we have been blessed with a second chance, we will take away valuable life lessons, and everything is going to be just fine and we will recover in time, the bottom line is we are right here, right now and its very frustrating and scary and at times. I wish I had the answer but both your husband and I are passengers in the same car trying to get to the same place and it’s a very difficult ride with a lot of unplanned detours and rough roads. We have no control over the situation and if your husband is anything like me, being a “type A” personality, we are not good at giving up control and relying on others.
Last thing I want to say is that through all of this, my wife has really taken the brunt of the stress in my household. My wife has to re-assure me regularly that everything will be ok and things are going just fine. She keeps my brain engaged in other things and gets me a lot of mob movies to keep my mind occupied while holding down the rest of the household. She had to hoist me in and out of my bed at times, quash my anxiety with words of kindness and kick me out of my self pity from time to time. This is no picnic for the spouses and I think my wife has a much more difficult job through all of this than I do. I have people attending to my needs all over the place, she doesn’t. Make sure your good to yourself and don’t let the stress pull you down. Take some time for your own mental well being Maria this is surely no picnic for you or your husband.
