CanoeBob
Well-known member
Hi Everyone!
Today is the one year mark for my new life. In some ways there is a solomness about it, other ways there is great joy. Life aniversary markers of major changes in my life give an oppourtunity to asess the internal changes that have happened without a conscious effort in my part. The big thing I think through this past year is a feeling I'm being taken care of in a profound and beautiful way.
Last week a close friend of mine fainted at work, got taken to the hospital by ambulance, got checked out, learned what was going on and given things to do so that it won't happen again. If reality is kept simple, whatever goes on in my life it follows that pattern. She experienced a paralizing fear that even though physically there is nothing major going wrong, it will happen again. She experienced the awakening that life is indeed fragile, and unless she makes some changes, a repeat may occur. I experienced the same fear before and after the heart surgery, it dosn't matter the circumstances of physical failure, the same fear of "I'm going to die" surfaces. I am lucky that the heart surgery gave me the strength to make those changes for myself, not all at once but over time.
This year of change has given me alot. Found this merry band of survivors, joined the weight loss throwdown and lost close to 30 pounds of fat my heart had to work overtime thru to get the blood in the right places. The weight loss is the visible result of the change, the real change is in my attitude. I can't eat something that isn't on a heart healthy diet now without guilt. My current weight is maintaining, and I feel proud of that. Excercise has become a joy in my life, it's a marker of steady improvement in pushing my limits gradually - I can see that despite my emotions of "I can't" if I keep plugging along without losing faith a goal is steadily reached.
The big thing that has been reinforced again - I believe there is a Power greater than myself is restoring manageablity in my life, subtly, slowly leading me through the changes to participate, enjoy and reflex on life. That is so precious! Thanks to everyone in this forum to be part of the Miracle.
Bob
Today is the one year mark for my new life. In some ways there is a solomness about it, other ways there is great joy. Life aniversary markers of major changes in my life give an oppourtunity to asess the internal changes that have happened without a conscious effort in my part. The big thing I think through this past year is a feeling I'm being taken care of in a profound and beautiful way.
Last week a close friend of mine fainted at work, got taken to the hospital by ambulance, got checked out, learned what was going on and given things to do so that it won't happen again. If reality is kept simple, whatever goes on in my life it follows that pattern. She experienced a paralizing fear that even though physically there is nothing major going wrong, it will happen again. She experienced the awakening that life is indeed fragile, and unless she makes some changes, a repeat may occur. I experienced the same fear before and after the heart surgery, it dosn't matter the circumstances of physical failure, the same fear of "I'm going to die" surfaces. I am lucky that the heart surgery gave me the strength to make those changes for myself, not all at once but over time.
This year of change has given me alot. Found this merry band of survivors, joined the weight loss throwdown and lost close to 30 pounds of fat my heart had to work overtime thru to get the blood in the right places. The weight loss is the visible result of the change, the real change is in my attitude. I can't eat something that isn't on a heart healthy diet now without guilt. My current weight is maintaining, and I feel proud of that. Excercise has become a joy in my life, it's a marker of steady improvement in pushing my limits gradually - I can see that despite my emotions of "I can't" if I keep plugging along without losing faith a goal is steadily reached.
The big thing that has been reinforced again - I believe there is a Power greater than myself is restoring manageablity in my life, subtly, slowly leading me through the changes to participate, enjoy and reflex on life. That is so precious! Thanks to everyone in this forum to be part of the Miracle.
Bob
