OK, I'm a Wimp...

[StretchL]

Yea, I said, "It's only a valve job..."

Yea, I said that I'm not too worried about it the first time or if I need a repeat...

THEN...

I went in for a hemmorhoidectomy this past Monday.

(Warning: Personal details to follow. But we're all friends here... The women have shared about menstrual issues around the time of surgery, there's been discussion about Foley catheters, shaving, and other topics not suitable for the dinner party circuit... so here goes..)

A simple hemmorhoidectomy... supposed to be "in by 6, out by noon."

As near as I can tell, everything went as planned during surgery. I came out of the OR, went into recovery for what I think was a few minutes, then into post-op where I waited for Noni to show up. She did, and they told me she could take me home as soon as I passed urine. "No problem," I thought.

Would that it had not been a problem.

After eight hours post-op I still couldn't pee, so they made good on the threat of a catheter. Not the easy, painless cardiac catheter that we all know and love, but the dreaded urinary catheter... the one that feels like they're making you into some sort of kabob for a tribe of drug-crazed cannibals who think that ritualistically impaling and eating your male parts will give them super human strength or insight into the secrets of the universe or something like that...

So as it was going in I screamed and yelled and generally scared the hell out of poor Noni, and nearly broke her hand (which I was clutching for dear life) in the process, and guess what? They couldn't get the damned thing into the bladder! The nurse said they were "encountering resistance" and they had to stop.

So they pulled it out (not as unpleasant as it going in, but not fun), called the doctor, and she gave it a try... (the first time was a "Patient Care Technician" who was a wonderful woman and seemed to know what she was doing and who I harbor no ill will toward even after what she did to me...)

So OOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! Here we go again!! Goodness gracious that's not something I would wish on my worst enemy! Noni said she'd not realized that I could be in such pain. I know I screamed like a banshee.

FINALLY they got it all the way in and a liter (!) of urine came out... obviously I needed to go badly and the Catheter of Doom was a necessary evil...

So they ended up keeping it in with a Foley overnight, keeping me in the hospital, still waiting for me to be able to pass urine the old fashioned way before I could go home.

Monday night wasn't pleasant at all. The catheter hurt like hell, the pain killer they had me on gave me a splitting headache and made me feel completely run-down, and I barely slept.

Tuesday morning they took out the catheter, and left me on my own. Within a few hours I finally peed. Of course THAT wasn't a pleasant experience itself, and felt like someone was pouring acid down my urethra.

But at least I got the waters flowing and was thus spared from the doc's final option to get me to pee- sending me home WITH THE CATHETER IN PLACE for a couple of weeks!!! A fate worse than death...

So finally, 36 hours after my "day surgery" I went home. Still feeling weak as a kitten, drowsy, with a splitting headache, and stayed that way until this morning (Thursday), when I finally got out of bed for more than a few minutes, and started doing some work.

I guess the point to all this is that, well, a hemorrhoidectomy is supposed to be a simple thing!! I have a HEART VALVE REPLACEMENT scheduled in 6 weeks!!! And I'm afraid to ask this question, but...

The valve job CAN'T be worse than the hemorrhoidectomy, can it???

 

[Wise]

Now THAT is a horror story if I ever heard one. Ouch!

 

[pipersmith]

I feel guilty at a laugh at your obvious expense, but you shouldn't tell the story so funny - if you don't want us to laugh...

Procedures are all intimidating I think. I personally, am very nervous about getting my tubes tied and having a cath - both upcoming in preparation for the AVR. I think that we wouldn't be normal if we weren't nervous, uncomfortable, or down-right scared when placing our health, or the health of our parts in the hands of a stranger (or several strangers as the case may be ).

I hope that you feel much better now - and I think you will find that calm of which many have spoken before the heart surgery.

Sorry for the trouble - hopeful for your continued healing!!

 

[Sheila2old]

Oh Stretch, you just convinced me that I'm smart for not having mine done before my valve job!!!! I've canceled my appointments for the past 2 months with the GI doc to do heart doc things and now I'm glad, I think?

So sorry you had to go through all that! Keep that little 'O' shaped pillow close at all times and you should be well in no time!! Good luck!

 

[Karlynn]

Sorry to laugh at your post - but that was a nice bit of creative writing. I pictured the Patient Care Tech with a bone through her nose, a lovely feathered headdress and nice shrunken head earings.

One word - drugs.

The good thing about having serious surgery is that they give you serious drugs in serious amounts to help with the serious pain.

I'm willing to bet you won't even recall the catheter insertion for your OHS.

I've said that pain and discomfort wise - I'd rather have OHS again than an electrophysiological study.

You'll do fine. Humor will be a great medicine.

And thank you for the lovely detailed description. Now I have something to dream about tonight.

 

[barbwil]

Stretch, I don't mean to be unkind, but I think every woman who has gone through labor pains is grinning a little bit--

 

[StretchL]

Laffing is Good!

Laffing is Good!

I appreciate all your thoughts...

For some reason I picture the entire heart procedure not to be as bad as this recent experience, but I don't know if I'm just fooling myself...

 

[Karlynn]

Stretch, I don't mean to be unkind, but I think every woman who has gone through labor pains is grinning a little bit--

And Barb's been married for how long?? and still recalls labor. Amen sister.

 

[barbwil]

Karlyn

Karlyn

51 years, and remember each one of those pains!! 3 times! What happened to the rest of my memory if I can remember those ? But I wouldn't give up the experience for anything in the world.

Stretch, makes for a good story to share with your pals!! Maybe if you had a male orderly (do they have those now?) you would have been able to relax those muscles and had an easier time of it.

 

[StretchL]

No, barb... I don't think it had a thing to do with the gender of the person doing the cath, but a lot to do with a solid object going in where liquid is supposed to come out. Just not natural at all

 

[Mary]

Stretch,
Relax.
My AVR was icky but not nearly as painful as giving birth vaginally (x3), having C-sections (x2), having a hernia repair, or having sinus surgery.
It's strange but true; open heart surgery is much less painful than ordinary, run-of-the-mill type surgeries.

 

[marky]

Sometimes it can be those simple 'minor' proceedures that cause more problems!!

If it makes you feel any better stretch... they put my catheter after I was asleep.. and I remember None of it!!

and yes..I would say my gall bladder surgery, and my 4 c-sections caused equal pain as the OHS.
Of course I felt better faster from them.. but..
Thanks for the entertainment today.. You do have a way with words

 

[catwoman]

It's strange but true; open heart surgery is much less painful than ordinary, run-of-the-mill type surgeries.

Mary:

But you don't get hit by a Mack truck in the chest when you have a vaginal delivery.

 

[mtkayak]

I've had that happen to me before. Couldn't pee so they had to feed the catheter tube back up me while awake. They gave me 8 hours to pee or else. I tried everything but nothing made me pee and they were forced to re insert it. Not a good feeling at all. All I know, is it was Halloween night and my worst nightmare had come true. I can still hear me screaming to this day

The worst part of OHS is pulling the drain tubes out. It can hurt and it did hurt me. My Mom held my hand as they pulled it out and I almost broke her hand. I could feel the tube as they yanked it out although it was quick. I suffered some muscle spasms in my back shortly after that. That did suck. Being in CICU can make for a LONG day.

 

[sylviayasgur]

hi stretch!
that was quite a story! funny, but after joey's ross procedure, they removed his foley cath and told him that he had to pee by a certain time or they'd have to replace it.
now, i can't say that you guys feel relaxed when someone gives you a deadline and i tend to think it would have the opposite effect and maybe make things more difficult. making a long story short, he was unable to pee and they had to reinsert the cath. i left the room and he said he saw stars!!!
we still laugh about it to this day even though it was one of the worst parts of his surgical experience.

the surgery should be a piece of cake compared to this... you're in great hands, a great place, wonderful nurses...
just make sure you pee!!! (lol)

be well and i hope to see you after your surgery.
-sylvia

 

[Adrienne]

Ouch!!! That sounds awful! OHS is not as painful at all. All the tubes are inserted while you are still asleep.

 

[Mary]

Mary:

But you don't get hit by a Mack truck in the chest when you have a vaginal delivery.

Marsha,
My first labor lasted 52 hours. I was praying for a Mack truck to hit me about 30 hours into it.

 

[geebee]

I had a foley after my last cath since I was fully anticoagulated and couldn't move at all for fear of bleeding. A foley must be much different for a man because mine did not hurt at all. However, I am assuming the male area is much more sensitive.

However, on a similar note, the kidney stone I had was much more painful than any of my OHS so perhaps you will find the OHS less traumatic.

You are no wimp - pain is pain and is ain't fun.

 

[Nan]

You do indeed have a way with words!

OHS will probably be less painful than your procedure.....they will most likely put a catheter in again, but when you are "out" not awake.

Goodness, you would think that they would find a way to make that procedure less painful for men, wouldn't you?

Good luck!

 

[sue943]

Sheila2old, is that wise to put off the that type of surgery until after your OHS? You are going to be on warfarin and messing about with such potentially 'bloody' surgery afterwards isn't going to be a piece of cake. In your shoes I would have it done prior to OHS.