Occasional depression

[67walkon]

My guess is that its normal to have some bouts of depression over all this. The last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me and my wife. I've known for several years that eventually I would need surgery, but eventually isn't as scary as July 6.

It is difficult to focus on work sometimes. It might be better to just get something like this over quicker!

Does anyone have any coping suggestions? I can't afford to be worthless at work between now and then, and most days I'm okay, but sometimes it is tough. Most days I trust in the Lord, but sometimes, I have problems with it. I guess the mundane things at work don't seem as important as they once did.

 

[geebee]

I think the easiest way to cope is to realize there will be times that you WILL be useless at work until you leave for surgery. You need to allow yourself that time for reflection on what is coming up. If you fight it, you will be unhappy and stressed.

As long as it is intermitent - why worry about it?

 

[ToFMom]

I think the waiting is hard, but also helps you to adjust to what is going to be happening. My son just had a valve replacement and I know that the weeks preceeding it were very stressful. I did find some peace in researching what was going to be happening (that's how I found this site) and that seemed to really help. You realize that you are not alone in all of this and that others do care about what happens. I also found that with my son, it helped me to keep saying to myself, "He is going to be fine, he is going to be fine..." That helped me from thinking, "what if, what if" instead. I know it must be harder on the one actually having the surgery; but if I could, I would have gladly taken his place. Other than that, I think just trying to stay busy also helps.
I wish you well on your surgery and will keep you in my prayers on July 6th!

 

[Fast Eddie]

My guess is that its normal to have some bouts of depression over all this. The last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me and my wife. I've known for several years that eventually I would need surgery, but eventually isn't as scary as July 6.

It is difficult to focus on work sometimes. It might be better to just get something like this over quicker!

Does anyone have any coping suggestions? I can't afford to be worthless at work between now and then, and most days I'm okay, but sometimes it is tough. Most days I trust in the Lord, but sometimes, I have problems with it. I guess the mundane things at work don't seem as important as they once did.

John

I was having the same problem. In my case when we set the date I immediately started to spend virtually all my time reasearching the issues I was facing. In all truth, I was pretty near totally ineffective from a work perspective.

I am most fortunate in that my work situation is such that I could tell the powers that be what was happening, and they were very understanding about my taking the time to deal with the issues. In fact, since I had to delay my surgery a week to deal with the gum graft, I pushed back the start date of my short term disability. I was by then feeling REAL guilty about being so unhelpful at work, so told my boss I would take the week as a vacation week. He most graciously said to take the week, but to not bother recording it as a vacation week! Can't ask for better than that!

I'd say to just level with your co-workers/bosses. Tell them you may not be working at top efficiency while you are waiting for this, and hope like hell they will understand and cut you some slack. And it does sound like you are OK with continuing to focus on work most of the time.

Is there any way you could move the date up? It really makes sense to get it over and done with. You need a certain amount of time to get mentally ready . But once you've gotten there, it seemed to me that waiting longer was going to gain me nothing.

 

[WayneGM]

You're not alone. I found it pretty hard to concentrate on anything else with this hanging over me. I just wanted to get it over with. I coped by keeping busy, whether at work or at home. At work, I listed some goals around stuff I wanted to complete before I went on my medical leave, and also took on a few extra projects I knew I had time to finish. I even cleaned out my files....amazing what you accumulate over the years. The good news is I completing everything on my list by my last day at work before surgery. The bad news is the day before surgery I was bumped off the schedule and postponed two weeks. I showed up back at work for those two weeks with nothing significant left to do, and didn't what to start anything I knew I couldn't finish. It was a long two weeks.

In hindsight, I should have taken a couple of weeks vacation and went somewhere to past the time enjoyably.

 

[Mary]

My guess is that its normal to have some bouts of depression over all this. The last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me and my wife. I've known for several years that eventually I would need surgery, but eventually isn't as scary as July 6.

It is difficult to focus on work sometimes. It might be better to just get something like this over quicker!

Does anyone have any coping suggestions? I can't afford to be worthless at work between now and then, and most days I'm okay, but sometimes it is tough. Most days I trust in the Lord, but sometimes, I have problems with it. I guess the mundane things at work don't seem as important as they once did.

It really is scary.
If you can accept that the surgery is necessary, that you won't live very well or very long without it, then I think you can begin to find some type of peace within yourself.
But it's still scary!

Here are some things that I did while waiting for my surgery date.

I made preparations in the event that something might happen.
We made our wills.
I made sure that the power of attorney was designated.
I want to be cremated. I made sure that wish would be honored.
I made sure I could be an organ donor.
I called old friends.
I told my family how important they were in my life.
I bought a new recliner and refrigerator!

Perhaps you can spend some time getting things in order and that will help the time pass quicker. However, you have the gift of time, so try to live each day the way you want it.

I have a daily quotation reminder on my computer desk, and today the quote is this: "Don't cry over things that were or things that aren't. Enjoy what you have now to the fullest." It's attributed to Barbara Bush.

Sometimes an open discussion of our feelings sounds melodramatic . . . so what? If we can't be dramatic when we think of our hearts being stopped, then when can we?

You will feel much better after the replacement. You will have good days, and you will have bad days. We all do. That's life. Thank goodness!

 

[ALCapshaw2]

As you've seen from the responses, your feelings are perfectly NORMAL for a patient facing OHS!

MANY have stated post-op that the Waiting is the WORST part of the whole ordeal. And some have posted that they found a sense of PEACE that came with acceptance of their fate and future.

I hope that you too will come to a peaceful acceptance.

You are NOT alone.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[briansmom]

I too was pretty worthless in the weeks leading up to my son's last surgery. Thankfully, it is my company so they couldn't fire me I just told my employees to feel free to question/remind/nag, etc. Everyone in the company really stepped up and helped us get through this. As for coping, I made a lot of lists. I felt like an alzheimers sufferer.

Hang in there, you WILL get through this!

 

[MaryC]

Hi!
In the weeks leading up to my surgery I was stressed just as any normal person would be!
Not knowing the details of how everything was going to turn out made me feel like my life was in limbo. Unfortunately I have several family members who have the same heart problem, so I was able to discuss it with them in great detail and know they understood what I was going through. As far as working versus taking time off, at the time I felt like I was going to pull my hair out with all of the work demands coming at me. In retrospect, I'm glad I worked right up until 2 days before the surgery. Otherwise the time would have really gone by slowly.

It really is going to be ok (better than ok!)....you just have to keep telling yourself that.

 

[67walkon]

Thanks for the great support! Monday and Tuesday, I had that peace you guys talk about. Today, I'm tired from not sleeping good and moderately grumpy.

Tomorrow will be an up day!

Eddie, hows your bike looking? Lonely? It won't be long.

John

 

[Granbonny]

John

John

If you are not sleeping well, talk to your doctor about some type of aid...I never took any..just see on the T.V. ads to allow yourself 8 hours of sleep if you take them..Thankfully, I only had a long weekend from when they told me my surgery date...Family kelp me busy..going to Grandson's little league games, ect....buying nightgowns , robe,slippers, ect.........Maybe you/family could plan a small get-away for a few days.......Have you thought about when you come home..need a recliner, ect. for sleeping,napping, ect. near the bathroom..Place to walk outside after a week or so...Bonnie

 

[Adam 12-21-05]

John,

In my opinion, the great thing about where you are right now (relative to an upcoming cardiac procedure) is that you are aware of your status and sharing with other folks who have 'been there and done that'. That helps.

Like you, I was wreck. The waiting is more of a mental challenge than anything else. Know that and discount the fear, uncertainty and doubt accordingly.

You are going to do great once the surgical process comes and goes.

I know it feels like you are in a tough 'chapter' in your 'life-book' but soon enough you will be turning this page and moving on to write another chapter.

FYI, I just ran a survey of many former, heart valve patients. Ready for an interesting statistic? Preliminary results suggest that most heart valve surgery patients (82%) look back on the experience as a positive influence on their lives. Yes.... 82%.

My gut tells me that you too will fall into this category post-op.

I hope that helps.

Cheers,

Adam

 

[ruth]

John -

You're in the tough part now, the waiting and learning. We get it, you are feeling the feelings of a normal person, it isn't easy, waiting is the worst part. I'm sorry you're having to wait as long as you are. I realize only now the blessing it was that I only waited a few weeks, and even *that* felt like an eternity to me. Oh, and unproductive at work, yup, did that too! Be honest with your employer and do try to find some small refuge from your health worries in your job if you can.

No, the mundane things aren't as important any more. OHS is the ultimate 'reality check'. Depression is real and frequent, don't hesitate to reach out for help.

It helped me while waiting to focus on two things. First, that I'm very lucky to live in a time and place where what is (was) wrong with me is curable. I am thankful for talented surgeons and remarkably great odds for a positive outcome. Yes, waiting for surgery is rough but the alternative is worse. Second, I focused on "it is what it is". Forget all the "what if's", they don't apply, I just tried to deal with it matter of fact and move on.

You'll make new friends here and we'll stick by you and we 'get it', that's the good news, the folks here are fabulous!

Welcome to our community, John!

Best Regards,
Ruth

 

[Fast Eddie]

Reassuring words

Reassuring words

Eddie, hows your bike looking? Lonely? It won't be long.

John

John

I go out periodically to talk to it and try to reassure it that I'll be back on board in a few weeks.

Eddie

 

[KatieD]

John,

I understand exactly what you're saying, I'm in the same place right now. I have severe regurgitation and have been told I'm ready for surgery. I've seen one surgeon and am waiting to get an opinion from my surgeon of choice, Dr. Ryan, in Dallas. I am in Colorado so waiting to get the records to him then possibly talk to him over the phone adds a whole other dimension to the waiting and unknowns.

To top it off, I am a CFO for a small nonprofit agency and my boss, the CEO, needs hip replacement surgery. We both were planning on scheduling around open time during the summer months. Now he is waiting on me to get mine scheduled so he can schedule his! Talk about added pressure! Good thing for me that he is a great guy and we will get this worked out together!

Needless to say, it sounds like my head is in the same place as yours - sometimes right on track and most times wandering off to other places. Concentrating on a meeting can be a painful distraction when I'm really waiting for this all to get resolved.

 

[67walkon]

I'm still jealous of Eddie!

One of the issues that non-symptomatic people face is accepting it. Another issue that I think people like Eddie or myself face is that we are exercise junkies. If we can't work out, we have trouble sleeping because we so used to the activity level.

The day I was depressed was after a night I didn't sleep well because I couldn't do anything for a couple of days. Fortunately, the doctors says I can exercise so long as I don't lift heavy weights and keep my HR in a reasonable range.

And you guys help tremendously!

Fortunately, I am a partner in a lawfirm and I have a good deal of seniority. No one will bust my chops over this antsyness! (A new word I just invented!)

 

[Fast Eddie]

I'm still jealous of Eddie!

One of the issues that non-symptomatic people face is accepting it. Another issue that I think people like Eddie or myself face is that we are exercise junkies. If we can't work out, we have trouble sleeping because we so used to the activity level.

The day I was depressed was after a night I didn't sleep well because I couldn't do anything for a couple of days. Fortunately, the doctors says I can exercise so long as I don't lift heavy weights and keep my HR in a reasonable range.

And you guys help tremendously!

Fortunately, I am a partner in a lawfirm and I have a good deal of seniority. No one will bust my chops over this antsyness! (A new word I just invented!)

John

I'm the one who should be jealous! I backed off riding immediately on getting the date set. And I think I cut back too much. I could have cut back to a HR of 120-130, I think. But my wife was involved, and it became obvious that I was gping to be doing pansy rides till after surgery. So I was able to get SOME exercise in, but not close to what I would have liked to be doing. But I'm still alive, so THAT's a good thing!

In a few weeks I'll probably try to do some stationary riding to see how that feels. Will clear this with primary care doc and cardiologist. Should be OK as long as I don't put weight on my chest.

Eddie

 

[ruth]

John -

I hope you are one of the lucky ones who sleep well after surgery. It's not uncommon to have insomnia post op whether you are an exercise junkie or not. Getting a good night's sleep was pretty tough for me, I just *wasn't* tired, it was really bizarre. Now, 4 months out, my sleep cycle is back to what it always was. For others it doesn't return as fast. Just a head's up in case it happens to you.

Take care,
Ruth

 

[67walkon]

I usually sleep well, although no one sleeps great in hospitals.

Eddie, I've been riding at an average HR of under 110. My heart has always been really slow, and the rythmol I take for afib is a mild beta blocker. So long as I stay hydrated and don't push it up in the 140's, they seem to think it's okay. Usually, my highest HR on my rides since I've been taking it a little easier is around 125, but most of the time it is much, much lower. I can still average 15.5 to 16.5 mph at those kinds of rates. And, while I cut the mileage, I'm still getting in a couple of 15 to 20 mile rides during the week and 30 or so on Saturday.

Fortunately, the CT scan didn't reveal any actual aneurism, but the ascending aorta is at 5cm. I'm watching it the best I can, but I don't know what else to do.

Do you have a stationary bike at home? I don't, but after a week or so I could probably get to the gym.

 

[Fast Eddie]

I usually sleep well, although no one sleeps great in hospitals.

Eddie, I've been riding at an average HR of under 110. My heart has always been really slow, and the rythmol I take for afib is a mild beta blocker. So long as I stay hydrated and don't push it up in the 140's, they seem to think it's okay. Usually, my highest HR on my rides since I've been taking it a little easier is around 125, but most of the time it is much, much lower. I can still average 15.5 to 16.5 mph at those kinds of rates. And, while I cut the mileage, I'm still getting in a couple of 15 to 20 mile rides during the week and 30 or so on Saturday.

Fortunately, the CT scan didn't reveal any actual aneurism, but the ascending aorta is at 5cm. I'm watching it the best I can, but I don't know what else to do.

Do you have a stationary bike at home? I don't, but after a week or so I could probably get to the gym.

John

If you can get those kind of rides in with your doc's blessing, that's GREAT! I know it's prbably not enough, but it sure beats not riding.

I have a 20 year old Vitus-Cilo set up on a trainer in the basement. That was a really neat old bike. It has glued thin tube aluminum frame. 10 years ago or so I had it upgraded with an Ultegra gruppo. I used that as my only bike until 3 years ago when I splurged and got a Merlin.

I don't love the trainer...too boring. But if I had to go somewhere to ride a trainser, I know I'd never do it. If I break it up into multiple 1/2 hour sessions it's not too bad.

Fast Eddie