Nervous wreck...

[cherylchapa]

OK heart moms, I need reassurance that I'm not crazy. So Chris's PVR is a two week sfrom tomorrow and I have become a nervous wreck. My skin is a mess, I get sick after every meal, I'm losing sleep, yelling at the hubby and kids, etc. I placed a call to my family doctor this morning to see if he could give me something for anxiety. Have any of the other heart moms (or significant others, for that matter) had to do this? I must keep it together for my little man but holy cow! My boss tells me I am the calmest, coolest person she's seen go through something like this but it's all an act. Inside, I'm a mess! Help!

 

[Cris N]

Hi Cheyl,
I'm not a Heart Mom but I am a Mom with a Heart. Of course you're a wreck - this is your child after all. I would have to think that what you're going through is very normal and I would agree that some anti-anxiety med might be in order

I hope you can get some relief soon - you certainly don't want Chris to pick up too much on your anxiety. I keeping you (and your little guy of course) in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[netmiff]

I'm not a heart mom, but I had to get some help for me; I was nearly out of my mind with worrying. Hope your doc understands and gives you something to take the edge off.

 

[halleyg]

I'm not a heart mom, but as a mom I think what you are going through is absolutely expected. I was a wreck when my oldest had her tonsils out! I have a friend who's 13 year old daughter has had three OHS since she was a baby. I know how hard it is on her, but then I don't at the same time. Even though I've gone through it twice myself, I can't imagine going through it with my child... don't beat yourself up over your maternal feelings! You are not crazy. Go ahead and call your dr. Best wishes to you and your son.

 

[Lynlw]

Sounds pretty normal to me. It is an AWFUL time and I have trouble sleeping as it is, so before surgery is even worse, plus the added stress of trying to not look worried around your child. My mind was always going a zillion different places, including somethings I did NOT want to think about but kept creeping in. If your doc will give you something to help, I say go for it. I know from my CHD groups most if not all parents have the same kind of problems before their childs surgery and it is definately NOT something that gets easier the more you do it..

 

[sue943]

I am not a heart mother but can remember the terrible anxiety I had when my children had health problems, I still do go through hell and back and they are both adults now.

By all means seek help to get through this, I know that I would.

 

[cherylchapa]

Dr. prescribed Xanax for 2 weeks and then wants to follow up with me for a more long-term solution. I have never taken anything like this so was wondering if anyone here knows what I should expect or has any words of wisdom. I have tried to stay away fromt hese kinds of meds in the past because of the addictive quality. I have never been addicted to anything before (unless diet coke counts) but the whole thought of it scares me. Anyway, I need it now so I'm gonna go ahead and use it. But only at bedtime for now just in case it makes me loopy.

Thanks for your reassurance that I'm not crazy.

 

[Star54]

I love Xanex they have been my best friend (low dosage for many years), I work at a very stressful NYC job, they will just take the edge off......addicted, not when you take them for a short period of time, anyway the way I look at is it is just another pill that I have to take for the rest of my life like my beta blocker, aspirin, blood pressure, cholestrol meds etc.
You need them now...take them....you will not get addicted...when all this is over you can wean yourself off them. I actually just got stonger ones....my aneurysym surgery is 7/21...so doc upped dose to stop panic attacks..Don't worry you will not be "hooked"...

 

[ponygirlmom]

Dr. prescribed Xanax for 2 weeks and then wants to follow up with me for a more long-term solution. I have never taken anything like this so was wondering if anyone here knows what I should expect or has any words of wisdom. I have tried to stay away fromt hese kinds of meds in the past because of the addictive quality. I have never been addicted to anything before (unless diet coke counts) but the whole thought of it scares me. Anyway, I need it now so I'm gonna go ahead and use it. But only at bedtime for now just in case it makes me loopy.

Thanks for your reassurance that I'm not crazy.

Okay, here I go saying something that I'm sure will be very, very, very unpopular, but these boards aren't any good if people don't say what they really think.

I think it is horribly irresponsible of your doctor to hand you a bottle of pills before putting you in touch with local support groups and a counselor. There are many ways to deal with the terrible stress you are under; drugs are just one of them. And even with medication, you still need coping skills and a shoulder to cry on.

You are right to worry that psychiatric medications might effect your ability to care for your son. Some people don't even "feel" the meds, but some people definitely do.

See if your son's hospital has recommendations for support groups for parents and/or caregivers and/or anxiety, and counselors who teach ways to make it through difficult times.

 

[cherylchapa]

Okay, here I go saying something that I'm sure will be very, very, very unpopular, but these boards aren't any good if people don't say what they really think.

I think it is horribly irresponsible of your doctor to hand you a bottle of pills before putting you in touch with local support groups and a counselor. There are many ways to deal with the terrible stress you are under; drugs are just one of them. And even with medication, you still need coping skills and a shoulder to cry on.

You are right to worry that psychiatric medications might effect your ability to care for your son. Some people don't even "feel" the meds, but some people definitely do.

See if your son's hospital has recommendations for support groups for parents and/or caregivers and/or anxiety, and counselors who teach ways to make it through difficult times.

I have been put in touch with a couple of support groups to help me handle this stress. The problem is that learning the coping skills takes TIME. What I was given was a 2-week supply of Xanax with NO REFILLS and an appointment in 2 weeks to formulate a long-term treatment plan which I am positive will include some sort of psych support. I don't feel like my doctor was irresponsible. He knows me and how I react to stressful situations. He also knows that I have NEVER asked for this type of help before and that I am looking for a short-term get me over the hump kind of help. And that I really don't like to take meds so am unlikely to take them if I really don't need them. I have a long history of internalizing stress so that it manifests itself in physical ways such as back/neck pain, skin probs, migraines, stomach probs, etc. He was probably glad that I was finally asking for help.

Thanks for your concern, tho. This kind of discussion keeps us honest!

BTW - I took the meds last night right after dinner to see how they would effect me. I was able to function just fine but felt like maybe I'd had a drink. Just a little buzz. Definitely wouldn't drive after taking the pills. And I certainly won't be taking them when I have to be at work or when I am the only one in charge of the children (DH and I used to have an agreement that only one of us could drink at a time -back when our health conditions didn't preclude having a drink or two- and I think this is the same kind of thing). It did help me sleep better but didn't make me groggy. It did exactly what it was meant to do - take the edge off. And I am in a much better mood this morning than I have been in a long time. I just hope it doesn't make me gain weight. I'm fat enough thank you very much! LOL!

 

[escargome]

Cheryl,
Each one of us deals with our personal stress levels in different ways ( I eat). Anyway you seem to have a plan and the only thing that I want to say is that I will be praying for your entire family when Chris' surgery date comes up. When my son was 21 he had to have an ablation because he was diagnosed with WPW (Wolfe-Parkinson White) syndrome. I went to the hospital with him but they didn't let me say "see ya later" before they took him into the operating room. I thought I was gonna die. So your anxiety over this up-coming surgery is certainly expected. Just try to hang in there. God Bless

 

[RI Mom]

Cheryl,

I did the exact same thing. I called my GP, told her what was going on and she wrote a script for Xanax. Thank god she did because the sleep deprivation due to anxiety was getting to me and we still had 2 weeks to go before surgery. I found that one tablet was too much and I was sleeping too long so I stuck with 1/2 tab. and once surgery was over, I no longer needed it to help with sleep. Besides I knew that I needed to be easily roused during the night in the hospital. Do not feel like you are a weakling or unable to cope. What you are going through is a very HUGE deal and the waiting is the hardest part. Hang in there. You will get through this and I'm sure it will be fine. I'll be thinking of you guys these next few weeks as you head into surgery on the 21st. If you can, stay busy as possible. I had my 2 girlfriends come visit the weekend before surgery. We went sightseeing, shopping, and enjoyed sitting in the sunshine. It kept me preoccupied and Idrees was happy to have his Grandma all to himself.

Best Wishes!

 

[Star54]

Cheryl, I am glad you took the pill, it does take the edge off. IMO, sitting around with a support group singing kumbaya will not help the anxiety when the probelm hits you in the face when the singing stops...I am not a Mom, that in itself is a double shift job, but you do what you have to to get through this......Godspeed!.

 

[Eva]

............. but felt like maybe I'd had a drink. Just a little buzz. Definitely wouldn't drive after taking the pills.
...........

Cheryl, you may want to try a smaller dose if you like. You may cut it with a sharp knife or a pill cutter you find at pharmacies. For me, 1/4 of a mg. does the trick!! more, makes me sleepy and hard to get out of bed next morning. I always thank and appreciate all those who discovered these medications for such situations!! It is a blessing when used cautiously.

I am not a heart mother, but I was extremely nervious and anxious when I was told about the surgery. So, I understand how much more difficult it is when it is for your child!! It is heart-breaking!! not just anxiety!!

 

[gijanet]

(((hugs)))

(((hugs)))

Cheryl, trust me, what you are feeling is completely normal. I dare a heart mom out there to say that she wasn't a complete wreck before her child's surgery. Like Lyn, I am a chronic insomniac anyway, but it was much worse before each of Katie's surgeries. Just ask any of the old timers on here! I tried Ambien (it was the original version, not the new one) but it didn't faze me, so I only took it a couple of times and gave up. It is very common to seek temporary help at times like this. This comes up all the time on PDHeart, so you are not at all alone.

Try and stay busy packing, making plans to be gone from work and home, and then try and push the impending surgery to the back of your mind and spend some good quality family time. If you can, take a mini-vacation, just to get away and be together as a family. Do NOT spend your time, however, thinking this may be the last time you will all be together. We went to the beach before Katie's last surgical adventure, and I kept having to push that thought right back out of my head. Overall, we had a great time, though, and lots of pictures to remember it all by. And then, if you have time left over, you can get on here and answer every new post that comes in.................haha! That's what I did while this group tried to keep me sane. Sadly, they were not successful! Many hugs. We will be praying. J.

 

[briansmom]

Hi Cheryl,
You have gotten good advice here. I just want to reiterate that you are not alone and you are completely normal. I also got Xanax, but the first guy I went to gave me 1mg pills. Little did I know but this is a rather large dose. Thankfully, I never took more than 1/2 pill and all it does is make me go to sleep. I don't take it during the day. I find that it works better for me than Ambien because the reason I'm not sleeping is anxiety. When I take Xanax, I don't have any problem waking up and being alert if necessary. I now have .25 mg pills and still need to take them occasionally. I also see a therapist to help me deal with the fact that my son probably won't ever be "normal" or healthy. I also come on here almost daily to get the support that you all offer. Having a child with health issues is not easy. Mom's are programmed to fix their boo-boos and we can't fix this.

 

[cherylchapa]

Thanks everybody for all your support and input. My problem is that I don't show emotion in front of people. The idea of talking to a therapist scares me almost as much as sending my son off to have OHS. I just have this terrible fear that I will break down and cry or show weakness in front of a total stranger. In my head I know that crying doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. But I do my crying in private. My kids don't see it. My husband very rarely sees it. And my friends and colleagues, NEVER. I have been this way most of my adult life. So that's why I need drugs now.

 

[Cris N]

Cheryl, I can certainly understand where you're coming from - yes, it seems like it would be horrifying to break down in front of strangers. But, if you're talking about a therapist, believe me, he or she has seen it all. They are trained to help you get through that part. If you're talking about a support group - these are people who have been or are where you are now. They understand what you're going through and will probably tell you that it's very healthy to let it out. While it may be noble to shed your tears in private, there is strength in numbers. The hardest part about either seeing a therapist or going to a support group is taking the first step. Once you are able to conquer that, the rest is a lot easier. You might surprise yourself! Good luck.

 

[briansmom]

I'm the same way Cheryl. I won't cry in front of people so I hold it all in. One thing that my therapist recommended was for me to "journal". She recommended 1/2 hour when I could be all alone. I used my computer and just started typing out all my concerns and fears. I ended up crying hard every time, but I was alone so that was ok and I can tell you that I felt way better afterwords. I only needed to "journal" for about a week before I was all cried out. It helped my stress level a lot and I still occasionally "journal" when I need to cry it out. Please don't be afraid that once you start crying you won't stop, I can assure you that you will.