Hi Steve.
Haven't been keeping a close enough eye on you -- busy few weeks (doing some of those medical tests that are now covered at 100% -- mammogram (perfect results), physical (high cholesterol -- dam*it), and my every 5 year colonoscopy. I'm on a 5 year re-call because of a "torturous" colon. Fortunately, my kinky colon was in such good shape at this viewing that I need not return for 10 years now. And let me tell you -- after drinking a gallon of that gosh-awful stuff (yep -- your miracle cleanser) it's a good thing I've got 10 years to forget about it. Blecchhh!
Glad you got yourself checked out even though it turned out to be something rather unexpected. I'm sure you were "relieved" in many ways!
The really good thing about it is that they have checked you every which way and sideways and now you KNOW you are okay. I had something like that in the first 3 months post surgery, but it was "electrical" issues they were checking on. After all that work and the clean slate they gave me, it really helped me psychologically. It wasn't that I'd been chewing my fingernails worrying every day, but still, somehow, having them deeply investigate me fairly soon after the surgery really, really calmed me.
I'm hoping the same thing occurs for you. Your attitude is fantastic, given all that you had to go through already. But we all have to give such keen attention to our bodies during our individual ordeals that it is difficult to let go and relax. Sometimes it's good that we don't relax because we discover/investigate things that are important to our recovery. But it's this essence of self-analysis that was, for me, one of the most difficult things about recovery; even about the whole illness thing. That hyper-attentiveness -- as I reflect on it, I think it really wore me out.
I can say, as my 5 year anniversary approaches, that honestly, now, there is a real acceptance of all that this has "cost" me. I am speaking in somewhat dramatic terms, but I think you can appreciate what I'm trying to express. The great attitude and good sense which you have always demonstrated is going to truly pay off for you. You are, as you say, taking it all in stride.
Good job on your instincts. Good job on your attitude. I like your return to work plan. No sense in fighting your lack of resilience -- pushing too hard will only exhaust you further! Your strength will return when it can. Even when it does, you may have infrequent episodes of unexplained tiredness. One day, though, you will come out from under that blanket of residual pharmaceuticals (um, in a year?) and realize how great and energized you really feel!
:smile2: Marguerite
