Scott - I had much the same experience as Larry. Having a confident top-tier surgeon calmly tell you what needs to be done, how it will be done, and how minimal the risks are can go a long way to put you a little more at ease. From the tone of the conversation with some surgeons, it might just feel more like pulling a tooth, than having heart surgery. They are experts, and do it every day.
Any time I found myself dreading the situation or thinking how unlucky I was to need heart surgery, I tried to remind myself of worse situations. I didn't have cancer, I wasn't in a severe car accident, I didn't have a heart attack. Instead, I got to choose a day to be rolled into an OR, put to sleep, with a 99% chance I'd wake up with the problem solved the very same day. I did and it was.
Now, it won't be easy either. But challenges make us stronger. If you think you're a wimp now, just wait to see how proud you'll be after it's all over.
My BAV condition was known since birth, and based on every yearly echo for over 30 years, I wasn't supposed to face surgery until maybe age 50. As it turned out, it was age 35. So, I tried to look at the bright side of too early. I was young and in great shape, and I had no age related risk factors to deal with.
I'm sure you've seen some of the great success stories here. Long lifespans, multiple surgeries, etc. You've probably seen some problems too. But keep in mind that the vast majority of heart valve patients return in stride to their normal lives. They may not be on here, but they are everywhere around you.
Dr. Chen and Dr. Brown are both worth a visit. If you're still unsure, you could certainly check out St. Joe's and Dr. Douglas Murphy too. If you really want to do some due diligence, you could even be evaluated at the Cleveland Clinic, or another of the Top 5.
Hope this helps. Yes, I'm selling the good stuff, not focusing much on the bad. But in the grand scheme of things, the good far outweghs the bad. I'll leave you with one final thought, actually a direct quote from a Cleveland Clinic surgeon in a webchat a few weeks ago:
"Despite popular rumors, standard surgical replacement of the aortic valve carries a very low mortality rate - sometimes far less than 1%. This is better than many other non cardiac procedures. There is a lot of myth surrounding the risk of cardiac surgery. At this time we have very safe methods to repair or replace valves."