My dad

[debster913]

Hi, all--

It's been one thing after another since my surgery three years ago, and here's the latest...

Some of you know what's been going on with my dad--the reason why I haven't been around here much lately. Ever since my mom died almost two years ago, he has been depressed. For some time now, he's been in declining health--falling easily, weak, just not himself. A month ago he fell--thank God I was there. I had to call the ambulance as he had split his head open (not badly, though) and needed to go to the hospital to get fixed up. Since then, he has just gotten worse. My brothers and sisters-in-law--we all think he's had a minor stroke since his fall in April because he's just gone so downhill so quickly. He was admitted to the hospital Tuesday for some tests, and they have him pretty drugged up.

My heart just hurts because I'm afraid my dad will never be the same. I know that spouses tend to decline after the death of the other spouse, and my dad has taken this all so hard. He used to be a tower of strength, both physically and mentally. This is a man who is extremely intelligent, but now can barely make any sense and has poor cognitive function.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent because it just seems my life has been filled with so much stress the past three years: my surgery, my mom's illness and death, my other "cardiac adventures," and now my dad's health. I am so tired of trying to be strong when all I want to do, if I let myself, is cry my eyes out. I'm just so tired. And please keep my dad in your thoughts and prayers. He's my stepdad, but the closest I have to a real father. I just love him so much!

Thanks for listening.

Love,

 

[Nancy]

I am so sorry to hear about this. Perhaps he had some brain bleeding when he hit his head. Joe had a brain bleed while in the hospital, and it was touch and go as to whether he would need brain surgery or not, and they watched him for several days with the brain surgeon on call.

What his doctors told me was that there is such a small area inside the skull that any bleeding there can cause problems because it can put pressure on the brain. And if it gets large enough, they have to make an opening in the skull to relieve pressure on the brain.

They also told me that if surgery was not indicated (because the bleeding was not that large), then it was possible for the body to resorb the blood, and with time symptoms would subside.

That did happen with Joe. He had some terrible headaches, and cognitive problems, but surgery was not necessary. It took some time for him to return to normal though.

I hope this is true for your dad.

God bless him.

 

[MissMelis]

I'm really sorry to hear this Debi. Some folks have more than their share of bad luck.
It can't be easy to watch someone change, as your dad has, into someone you don't recognize.

Vent all you like, we are all here to listen and support you.

I'm praying for your dad and the rest of your family. I hope something turns around.

Take care
Melissa

 

[escargome]

Hi Deb,
My heart goes out to you. I will pray for you and your Dad. Can they do some type of brain scan while he is in the hospital to see if in fact he had a stroke. My mom had fallen out of bed or so she thought. Well testing several years later indicated that she had had a small stroke. While it did not affect her physically I did note that over time her memory began to give her problems which when added to the CHF which she suffered didn't help one single bit. In any case, I hope the Lord gives you guidance and strength for this road you and your family are traveling. I totally understand your desire to just lock yourself in a room and cry until there are no tears left, then cry some more. PM if you just want to talk. I was a big momma's girl and still five years later miss my mom like the dickens....

 

[netmiff]

debi, I will be thinking of you. My parents are in their mid-70s, have nothing wrong with them (dad had a stent put in 2 years ago, first time he had been admitted to a hospital since he had been 14 years old!), and I have told them to their faces that I hope an eighteen-wheeler hits them on the highway and takes them both out at the same time - sounds cruel, maybe, but I just know that if one goes, the other will in a very short space of time. Anyway, whatever happens, I do not relish the thought . . .

Hang in there, and vent any time you need to!

 

[terryj]

Oh Deb, I really feel for you. I am going through almost the exact same thing with my mom. I am 58 and she is 78. She lives alone in a senior citizen apartment complex. She is so depressed and lonely. But, she won't go anywhere with us unless we make her. I was at the hospital with her until 3 A.M. Wednesday morning and had to be at work at 7:00. She thinks she is having a heart attack about 2 times a month and calls 911 and they call me and I meet them at the hospital. They have ran every test and her heart is fine. But, she is stumbling when she walks and slurs her words when she speaks. She has been tested for Parkinsons and almost every other midical issue. The doctor says she is just depressed and has her on depression medicine.It does not seem to be helping. I think we are going to move her in with us soon. But,she says she does not want that. Last year she was so much healthier. It hurts to see them this way. I will be praying for you.

 

[olefin]

Hi Deb,

Sorry about your problem. My feelings go out to you.
I also feel for your dad. I think I can understand how he feels after the loss his partner. I'm 74, wife 70, been married 53 years, both in excellent health. Our kids say both wife and myself act 10 to 15 years younger. But if I lost my wife my world would end and I would have no desire to live.

Best of luck to you and your dad.

 

[Jackie]

My prayers and best wishes are being sent out for you and your dad. (((HUGS)))

 

[debster913]

Mad!

Mad!

Hi Deb,

Sorry about your problem. My feelings go out to you.
I also feel for your dad. I think I can understand how he feels after the loss his partner. I'm 74, wife 70, been married 53 years, both in excellent health. Our kids say both wife and myself act 10 to 15 years younger. But if I lost my wife my world would end and I would have no desire to live.

Best of luck to you and your dad.

Thanks!

That's the same with my dad. He's actually expressed that there is no reason for him to keep going, despite having great friends, grandkids (my nieces) and us kids.

I haven't been completely honest, though...

My dad has been an alcoholic most of his life and now it is catching up with him. My mom was able to monitor his drinking for many years, but after she died, my dad sank into a deep depression and began drinking more. His alcoholism is his downfall and could very well be his demise.

I talked to my SIL today, and she's been taking care of all of my dad's business, etc. She said all his tests came back OK--no stroke, etc., but the drinking has taken its toll on his liver and brain. He's been detoxing since Tuesday and he's so drugged he has no awareness of anything. We'll be better able to tell his physical/mental status once he is finished detoxing and then determine what to do with him.

I feel like I'm in a quandary about how I should feel about all this. He brought this on himself, and I'm mad about that. I feel bad because he's my dad, but I feel bad for feeling bad because it's not like he has cancer--he has caused himself to be this way because of his addiction. Does that make any sense?

I'm trying not to be all stressed out about this, but I feel as if I'll break at any moment and I'm hanging on by a thread.

 

[catwoman]

Debi:
Sorry your dad and your family are going through this. I assume he lives alone. I know it's a difficult situation/decision/dilemma, but has an assisted living facility or some such place been discussed with your dad and other family members?

A former co-worker's mom was an alcoholic, and she told me what it did to her mom's brain. She described it as being "pickled."
It is difficult seeing someone you love do things that affect their health.

When you need to vent, we're here..........

 

[debster913]

Nice to have a night off from "Dad duty"!

Nice to have a night off from "Dad duty"!

We had a family meeting the other day, actually, and my SIL (who is my dad's executor and primary decision-maker should he be unable to make his own decisions), is looking into skilled nursing facilities. There's a great place in town where my mom was after she was released from the hospital and we're checking into that, though my SIL wants to place him nearer to her place.

We are prepared for the almost-certain possibility that my dad will need to be in a nursing home, but it doesn't make it any easier. Today he was so what my SIL termed "beyond out of it" today from the meds that I decided not to see him today. Besides, I just got my teeth cleaned today and the antibiotics my cardio puts me on make me really nauseated, even with food.

It's nice to take a break for the day, but tomorrow will tell more tales of what's to come.

I added a pic of my dad. This candid photo was taken when I'd just gotten my new camera and was testing it out, and after he'd chipped his tooth and hadn't been to the dentist yet...but it was also before my mom got sick. I have not seen him smile this way since she died. I wish I could see it again.

 

[Nancy]

He looks like a sweet man. You should ask his doctors about hyperammonemia. It can happen with impaired liver function, and affects the brain and can cause bizarre cognitive symptoms of all kinds from anger, depression, "out of it" symptoms to hallucinations among others.

Joe had it because he had cardiac cirrhosis from CHF and also he had liver impairment from his PH problems.

Anyway, there are ways to reduce the ammonia levels in the blood, and the bizarre symptoms go away.

I think it is worth asking about. It is a particular blood test. They may, or may not have done this on your dad.

If it is hyperammonemia, it has to be taken care of asap because it can cause permanent brain damage.

I always knew when Joe's ammonia levels were too high, and asked about getting tested for it.

Here is the link for hyperammonemia.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/944996-overview

And here is the link for the treatment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactulose

It works within a couple of days.

Just ask the doctors to check out his ammonia levels.

 

[MissMelis]

I'm so sorry Debi

I don't know what to say other than we're here for you, and thinking of you and praying for you!

Melissa

 

[njean]

Debi,

Just want you to know that your Daddy is in my prayers. He looks like a dear, dear man & the love you feel for him comes out loud & clear in your writing.

You're in my thoughts.........

 

[escargome]

Debi,
Just wanted you to know that you and your family will remain in my prayers. I hope your dad can recover some of his smile.

 

[debster913]

Thanks, all!

Norma...is there a reason why you have a troll as an avatar? Are you a (gasp!)...troll?!
I'll keep you all updated on my dad. We are having a family meeting Sat to determine where to send my dad for rehab. I'll be checking in on him today.

 

[njean]

Thanks, all!

Norma...is there a reason why you have a troll as an avatar? Are you a (gasp!)...troll?!

never fear my dear.......I'm good little troll!!

 

[zipper2]

Deb,prayers for all of you and it weighs heavy on our shoulders
when this sort of thing happens he has a beautiful smile and i pray
he finds his smile again.

zipper 2 (DEB)

 

[debster913]

Dad still not well

Dad still not well

Here's an update as of today, May 26...

Dad was placed on a feeding tube Saturday because:
1) He was too weak to eat
2) Claimed he wasn't hungry
3) Didn't want to eat

His abdomen is filled with fluid and of course, he remains in the hospital for now until his body can process all the drugs. He finished detox on Friday, but because he has no liver left, his body can't rid itself of the toxins alone. He is having the abdominal fluid drained (years of drinking made him look pregnant), and as of now, we have to take things one day at a time. He has limited cognition--partly because of the drugs, partly because his brain is damaged. We won't know the full extent of the damage until the drugs are out of his system and he regains some semblance of himself, if at all.

Please keep my family in your prayers. This is so hard on all of us, and I've found myself snapping at people. I hate being that way.

 

[bugchucker]

Debi-
So sorry your in this situation. Who knows where our paths will take us. Thoughts and prayers being sent your way.

Phil