Melt down

[MarciaB]

Hi guys,

I've been doing so good, not worrying, sleeping OK, staying positive. This morning I put on a low cut top and thought I will never wear anything like this again. I completely broke down and I can't stop crying and I didn't think this was supposed to happen until after surgery and it's so stupid because who cares about a shirt and its just so stupid and I need to pull myself together before my daughter comes up because it will really scare her. I think I'll go change shirts and see if it helps. Sorry to unload.

Marcia

 

[Karlynn]

Marcia,
Sometimes your mind needs to release the tension that collects when you're trying to stay up beat and positive. We all release that tension in different ways. I've been known to have a good melt down too. I think pre-surgery melt-downs are not uncommon at all.

You know what you are doing is good for you. It will improve your life. Your family will be better off with a healthier you. But that doesn't keep you from getting scared. This short time before surgery is the hardest part, but you will soon be on the top of the mountain and on your way down.

And as far as scar-showing shirts - go read the posts on "cleavage"!!!! Don't put those shirts in the Good Will bag yet!

Spend these next few days before Tuesday being good to yourself. Pamper yourself - spoil your family - eat "treat food" that you usually deny yourself, just have fun.

And come lean on our shoulders when needed.

Karlynn

 

[Gemma]

Hi Marcia,
My boyfriend Jim is having AVR surgery the same day as you (as long as he doesn't get cancelled again...)
Anyway, I can't pretend to know how you must be feeling, but from what I've read of other women's experiences, as Karlynn points out, the scar may make you MORE likely to wear low cut tops what with the cleavage enhancing benefits! And if you do find that you feel self-conscious about it why not get your nearest and dearest to treat you to some of those "lariot" style necklaces (the really long dangly ones that disappear off down your cleavage somewhere) - I think most men would agree that they look great with low-cut tops. Just a thought
Anyway, as a bystander my opinion is this: I'd rather have to spend the next several decades looking at a scar than a few years with a progessively ailing boyfriend minus the scar. Call me a hopeless romantic but I'd like a long-lasting relationship!!!
Gemma

 

[carlapv]

Hi Marcia,
As someone who is having VR in January, I too have had a couple of meltdowns. I think it is perfectly normal, after all, we would feel sorry for a friend who had to go through this so why shouldn't we feel the same toward ourselves. I know that everything will go well for you. Hang in there! We will all be thinking of you.

Carla

 

[dwfreck]

Marcia,

It's hard to say this without leering...

Anytime I see a woman in a low-cut anything, I'm definitely not looking for a scar! And depending on the depth of the cleavage, a scar may be in the shadows anyway.

But then again, I'm the one who posted the "chest hair?" thread in pre-surgery...

Hopefully, at some point we'll all get comfortable enough with our scars to not worry. At least they'll make good conversation starters...

 

[Mara]

Hey Marcia
To paraphrase Fernado (from SNL) "It's better to feel good, than to look good."

Karlynn's got it right. Who cares about some silly scar anyway. You can always use it as a conversation starter: "why yes, that is from my surgery/shark bite/ duty with the CIA/ scar? what scar?"

There are lots of things that help the scar, too. ScarGuard is a good product. There are some ladies on here whose scars are barely noticeable. (there was a rather free viewing at the reunion in Chi. ).

You can always ask to have a plastic surgeon do the close.

DON'T THROW OUT THOSE V-NECKS OR SCOOP NECKS JUST YET! you'll wear them again.

 

[Georgia]

Covermark

Covermark

After your scar heals a bit, you'll be surprised at how fast it fades - particularly the top part of it. I suggest you check out "covermark" - originally made for people with port wine stain birthmarks - used for decades by folks with major scars on their faces. I use a dab on my chest scar when I wear something a bit low. REALLY can't see it. Go to www.covermark.com. They even have sample kits you can order for very little money so you can find the right color.

Don't despiar, girls - and just remember that there are the fetishists around who like the scars. You may attract a whole new group of guys!

 

[Kenny F]

It is unfortunate that in our society "beauty" precludes any scarring. I have had a scar for over 30 years from my left ear to the right side of my neck (Thyroid cancer). I mostly made jokes about it, but actually it was a good converstion starter.

I have been watching "King of the Hill", the animated sitcom, with my son lately (had no idea it was so funny). Two of the characters are routinely shown shirtless with OHS scars! Pretty unusual, but very real. And that's the point. There is no perfect beauty - your scar becomes part of what makes you YOU. And that is real beauty.

As far as the emotional thing, I am known among friends as the Rock and as Spock - no visible emotions. Right after surgery I was watching "Pay It Forward" and at the end audibly choked and was totally overwhelmed emotionally - was it the movie? I think it was as Karlynn said - this stuff builds up and needs to be released.

This is a big thing we go thru - even tho everyone wants to call it "routine". Be glad you have a supportive place to vent. We are here for you!

 

[MarciaB]

Thanks guys,

I called the surgeons office and he called me right back. He said that the scar starts two or three inches below the collar bone (lots lower than I thought - he tries to keep 'em low on the ladies) and he does a plastic surgery type closure. He also said that when they go horizontal you often lose feeling in the right breast. I have this mental picture of me as Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire leaning over the stove and with my chest on fire.

I'm feeling better and happy because my little cold seems to be gone. Thanks for the encouragement and support.

Marcia

 

[Nancy]

Glad you're feeling better, Marcia.

Joe has about a bazillion scars, all over his thoracic area front and back. They have really faded to thin white lines. I know he's a guy, but he cares nothing about his scars, and neither do I. I consider them his marks of courage, and they make him unique. He's got lots of stories to tell.

It sounds like you have a surgeon who is careful to close with some good sewing. Now that's a guy you can have faith in.

You'll be beautiful no matter what, even more beautiful because of your courage.

 

[Heather Fisher]

Marcia,
I know about scars. I have one from my coarctation surgery. It goes under my left breast, under my left arm and up to the middle of my back. I grew up with it so it did not really bother me that much. The new one starts at the collar bone and goes down till just above the belly button. When I first left the hospital I told my husband I "felt like a freak" . He told me to "just get over it". The scar is fading now and I am learning to live with it. Yes, I cleaned a lot of clothes out of my closet but some may be back some day. I'm interested in some of the above suggestions. I have been using Mederma with some sucess. I don't generally heal that well but the top part is looking pretty good. Just don't be discouraged by what you have when you come home....it will improve greatly!!!!

Heather

 

[dwfreck]

Marcia,

For what it's woth, I had my own mini-meltdown last night. I'm a little overwhelmed trying to digest all the information about valve choices and laid down to get a break from the kids. Then I spontaneously started to visualize waking up with a ventilator tube (something I read on the boards here), then I completely lost it, curled up into a fetal ball, and cried a bit. My wife came in a little later and asked if I was OK. I asked her to snuggle with me a while, and that helped immensely.

Kenny,

"King of the Hill"???? Sorry, I just can't get into a cartoon that has a dumb redneck named Dale.

 

[medtronic of borg]

meld down

meld down

Mars,
I tell you what if you want...I will volunteer to look down your shirt and monitor your scars healing...so you know when its time to start wearing them again...he he he .

I dont recall if your married but if a scar bothers some one ...it just tells me this person is realy shallow and I really don't want to know them anyway. It really is such a little thing. I had my avr done in jan 2000 and you can't see the scar.

Thats not true for my old one's !!!!!

Hang in there will ya? You will soon be asking yourself why did I get so worked up.

Med

 

[Lasker]

Good luck, Marcia.

Just to wish you the best on Tuesday. I know everything will go well for you. I'll be following two days later, but let's be in touch in a few weeks.

Lorraine

 

[Lasker]

Good luck, Marcia.

Just to wish you the best on Tuesday. I know everything will go well for you. I'll be following two days later, but let's be in touch in a few weeks.

Lorraine

 

[MarciaB]

Thanks guys,

Well, as some of you (male) have mentioned, a few of my (also male) friends can't wait to see my scar (I am married by the way). I don't think it was pure vanity that got me, I just don't like the perfect strangers (clients) staring at you like you're a freak thing. Also, as Lorraine knows, you start questioning all the choices you've made at the end, there's no going back, is there? I think since I had already made my valve choice, and I was surprised that the surgeon gave me a choice of location, it was the thing I freaked over. I do think scars are pretty sexy anyway.

I am finding as the last hours approach that the surgery is eating up about 99% of my brain function. It's getting harder to fall asleep and stay asleep until morning. But, I starting reading "Nickel and Dimed" and it's helped put things into perspective - a lot of folks have it way worse.

Marcia

 

[McCln]

Marcia

Marcia

I was just lurking and had to reply. I have had the first scar since childhood repair on the aortic valve. I was always proud of the scar because is was a mark of a survivor. Vanity is worng when we are going through this. My second scar blended well into the first and I still will show it when I wear the right top. I am proud of the surgery and it is why I am still here. And as for the meltdowns, it is a stressful time for you, never be ashamed of it. It helps your relieve the tension you have buitl up. If you have to cry, go for it. If you have to scream, go for it. Take care and keep hanging in there, you will be fine.

Caroline
09-13-01
Aortic valve replacement
St. Jude's valve

 

[medtronic of borg]

scaring

scaring

Marcia,
Please let me know via a pm when your post op. Some times I miss finding messages that are not new threads. I am so glad others find your chest appealing!!!! Didn't want you thinking I was strange or something. he he he

Med

 

[Georgia]

All the best tomorrow

All the best tomorrow

We're rooting for you. Our prayers and thoughts and wishes are with you all the way into the operating room.

Hope your mountain is a molehill. And the truck misses you completely.

This time next week things will be greatly improved.

We will anxiously and impatiently await your post-op progress report.

 

[Ross]

"King of the Hill"???? Sorry, I just can't get into a cartoon that has a dumb redneck named Dale.

Boomhauer rules!