just lonely....

[joy]

Hey guys, I know I have typed about this before, but It's sort of a nagging feeling. I guess I should apprecieate the fact the my husband isn't going to be gone for a year, BUT....I miss him ALOT. I mean, it's tough to be 1200 miles away from your best friend(husband), and 1800 miles away from the rest of your loved ones with two little kids to take care of. I guess it doesn't help that I haven't gotten any real time to myself for two months, either. They tell him his orders should be in any day now. But every time I check...nothing. I mean I live my life from day to day because I have to, but if I didn't, I probably wouldn't get out of bed. It just seems never ending. It made me feel worst when Kevin told me he was depresseddown there. It makes me worry about him and feel bad for him, and I get depressed because Ijust want to get to talk to him. Is this normal?

 

[Ron K]

Normal?

Normal?

Hi Joy (fellow bovine valver),

Your feelings sound pretty normal to me considering your situation. Obviously you love your husband very much and miss him dearly. You love your children too and do everything you need to do to try to care for them while Daddy's away. The one area that you seem to be neglecting is taking care of yourself.

It is important that you have people to talk to and socialize with. Are there any other military wives in your area that are in the same boat? How about getting involved in a church in your area? Frequently they have events going on for members of the congragation and baby sitting services are provided. You could meet some people there in a safe environment and meet some of your needs without encouring too much expense.

Do you have friends at work that you could invite over to spend an evening with you? Watching a video with a girl friend or two beats sitting alone when the kids are in bed.

I wish my wife and I lived in your area. We'd gladly help you out, especially since we are still waiting for our first grandchild to come along.
we'd love to spoil your kids for an evening while you went to a movie or did something for yourself.

I really hope the paperwork comes through for Kevin in the next few days and that you get to see him very, very soon.

Hang in there!

Ron K

 

[Creed3]

I Agree With Ron!
I wish there was something I could do to help you out. Ron had some really good suggestions. You need to take care of yourself a little bit. You need a little pampering. I'm sure your hubby will be home very soon. Everything you are feeling seems pretty normal to me. If you ever need to just chit chat I'm here to help.
Take Care of yourself!

Creed3

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Joy.....Please be patient. Look at the bright side....the very bright side....he's NOT going to Diego Garcia or whever he was supposed to go!!! That's God's way of looking out for you. I'm sure this is just as difficult on him as on you. Just get up every morning, love those kids and thank God he's coming home soon. You can get through each day, one by one. Evelyn

 

[Christina]

Hi Joy,

I saw your post and I can relate with you being so lonely without your husband. My situation was a bit different though.
When I was 26 years old my husband of almost 5 years was killed by a drunk driver. I was left with a 20 month old little girl and a baby on the way.
I also felt very lonely and missed my husband so much that I didn't think I could do the job of being both parents, but I had too. There was no other choice, I had to be strong for my kids sake. I got busy with my life, my kids, because they had no one else left but me. They looked to Mommy to be strong, because they needed me. When I felt like crying, I didn't because I didn't want to upset them. It affects kids when something is wrong with their parent. I made sure they had "me", not someone that felt sorry for herself.
During weekends when everyone else was busy with their families and when I knew my days would be lonely, I made sure I had people around me. If I wasn't invited, I made sure I invited someone. There are many, many lonely people in this world that never get invited anywhere. Invite them to your house. You'll be making someone else happy, and you'll be glad you did.
Your husband will come home Joy! You have something to look forward to! Now is the time to be strong and grow in character. Kevin doesn't need to hear you crying. He has a job to do for the country. This is what he signed up for. And you knew what his job was before you married him, didn't you?
You can be alone Joy, but you don't have to be lonely. So put a smile on your face, start involving yourself with people that are worse off than you. Be strong, tell yourself that you can do it, and if this is difficult in the beginning, just act as if and it'll happen. When your husband calls you, act happy! When he hears you are happy and making the best of it, he'll be happy too. You will make him so proud of you!

Christina
AVR's 8/7/00 & 8/18/00
Tucson, AZ

 

[wweir]

Joy,

As a retired Army Colonel I think I understand what you are going through. Military life can be a very rewarding, exciting and wonderful life. It can also be very lonely and scary one as well. I can assure you that there will be a lot of highs and lows you will experience over the course of a full career but right now you appear to be in one of the lower points.

The military provides you and your family with a lot of challenges and emotions that just can?t be duplicated anywhere else. My wife and I personally found it to be a lot of fun in the long run and my kids, two beautiful girls, flourished in many ways by being exposed to so many different places, people and ways of life.

My wife, Linda, also endured a lot of the same concerns you are going through now and I know it was not easy for her as it is not easy for you. Looking back on it all we believe that we had more good times then we did bad times. Today we still communicate with folks we knew when we were brand new to the service. And Joy some of my closest friends are my Vietnam companions from 30 plus years ago. Seems unreal when I stop and think about it.

After reading your posts and some of the comments of your colleagues on this site, I can tell you they are giving you a lot of good sound advice. Listen to them and try some of their suggestions.

My perspective as I write this to you is from the military side of things. I can assure you Joy that good commanders want their soldiers to be in as good and secure a frame of mind as possible. Military tradition is such that we consider a soldier?s family members an integral part of the larger military family. (We are all in this together attitude) As such family members need looking after while the military member is assigned away from home. I know that is how I and my fellow officers and NCO?s felt when we commanded at the company and battalion level.

Just about every military post has some form of a family support group that can help you adjust to this trying time in many ways. If you have a hard time finding out about what is available in your area call your husbands unit commander directly and ask for information. Most commanders, even if they are not in your husbands direct chain of command, will be quite glad to assist you or point you in the right direction as there is nothing worse, as a commander, than having one of your key soldiers not performing well because they are distracted due to constant worry about the wife and kids back home. Your husband needs to know you and the kids are OK and being looked after. If you can assure your husband that, yes you miss him, but you are doing OK and looking forward to his return, believe me it takes a tremendous burden and worry off his shoulders.

I hope this helps a little bit.

Walter

 

[joy]

Hey guys, I might have some good news...Kevin said he was told today that they would have them out of there Friday. The only thing is...he doesn't have any ordersyet, and can't leave until he has them. SO how could they tell him he'd be out of there friday? I know he won't be leaving me for at least a couple of years again, which is excellentIam just anxious to see him I guess. I have remained strong for the kids, and I do take the time for myself, but not too much. I talk to some people who's husband's are on ships, and have to go on deploy ments. I just wish they would hurry up with his orders and get him back home. He is the one making me depressed, because he is depressed. He goes to work, goes to eat, and goes to bed. IT must suck! I guess I just feel bad for him. I am fine, the kids are fine, etc... Thanks for the posts! It's nice to know that there are people out there who care. Take it easy!

 

[Jean]

Your wonderful answers to Joy just reminded me why I love you all...so many wise, experienced people on this site. Just wanted to reinforce the thoughts and also that Joy, you and your husband and all you represent are so loved and appreciated by the nation...we remember Vietnam and are so glad your generation isn't having to deal with the hate from then. I know that doesn't help you personally much, but just come join us and chat when you need us. We are here...and I too would love to be close enough to take your kids several times...I am waiting, most impatiently , to be a granny. Love

 

[sylviayasgur]

hi joy!
talk about family... we all sound like a bunch of parents!!!
everyone here gave you such wonderful advice and suggestions...
i couldn't have said it better myself.
please try now to be strong for kevin. if he hears you sounding "up", it may help lift his spirits.
i hope to hear that he is coming home soon. i know how you love and miss him so terribly.
we are all here in the meantime to keep you company while you wait.
please keep us posted and be well, sylvia

 

[Ross]

This is interesting. I'm learning more and more about Walter. There's an awful lot you haven't mentioned and I'm proud to hear that you served. Not that it was a great time to serve, but proud that your back and in one piece.

Your advice to our dear lonely companion was very good and insightful. Kudos to you sir!

 

[Nancy]

We have the best military in the world. The training is superb and they're a great bunch of people. Anyone who's willing to put themselves in harm's way to protect our country, people and freedom, deserves all the blessing in life.

Thanks to all of you who serve and thanks also to all the family members who serve in their own way.

 

[joy]

I know, Kevin will be home soon. Probably either this weekend or next week. I, on the other hand am feeling much better. I finally got paid, and get to go to this place with a bunch of other providers( I am a childcare provider), WITHOUT my kids. It's only for an hour but still...it's nice. I don't have to pay for the stuff I get here either. It's called a lending library, and it's an 8000 sq foot room just FILLED with toys and equipment that we get to borrow. I plan on taking like 1000 square feet of toys home with me today! Yeah, right. I am going to get a bunch of stuff though. Books, a bookcase, blocks, puzzles, paper, you name it! Next summer, while Kevinis home, I am going to go garage saling! NOW I sort of feel like I am making a financial contribution to the family. I now pay the jeep payment. Well, I better get going. I have to run some errands before I got to drop the boys off. Take it easy guys!