Jeff won't take it easy!!

[momshell7]

Anyone have any advice on how to keep their loved one from doing too much after surgery? Jeff seems to have forgotten that he just had his chest split open. He keeps wanting to cook lunch and dinner. He wants to do things that are not good for him. He gets tired, thankfully, which eventually slows him down but I am afraid he will over do it. I am taking care of the kids during the day taking them to school and picking them up etc so I can't be here 24-7 to watch him. I am about ready to have restraints installed in his recliner so I can MAKE him relax!!

Feeling very wornout myself!
Michelle

 

[geebee]

Michelle,
You and Pam need to get together and compare notes. Her hubby is back to work after 2 weeks.
What it boils down to is you can only make suggestions. The rest is up to them. Just make sure the pain pills don't run out and that he doesn't sign up for sky diving lessons.
His chest will let him know when he has overdone it and, trust me, he will listen to it.
It is hard to keep a newly repaired person down because they are so happy to be alive and around to do things.
Try not to make yourself too crazy.
Smiles,
Gina

 

[Ross]

Jolt them back to reality by asking them how they'd feel about having surgery all over again because they've pulled their valves loose!

 

[momshell7]

Thanks for the advice

Thanks for the advice

Thanks for the advice! I actually hid Jeff's keys to help deter him from trying to drive. I know that if he really wants to he will take my keys. He is still stronger than me!

He actually took a nap in bed today!! YIPPEE!! Maybe he will sleep there tonight. His blood pressure has been higher since he has been home from the hospital. I think he is just doing too much. We see the surgeon next week so I will make sure I get all the details on the do's and don'ts for him!
I try not to harp on him but I can't help worrying! Our boys are so cute, if they see Jeff lifting anything they are not afraid to tell him he isn't suppose to lift. They won't let him lift anything! The other day he picked up a package of their fruit snacks and they told him not to lift. It's good to know they understand that he has to take it easy.

He hasn't had any pain medication since he has been home and not much when he was in the hospital. I don't know if he had built up his pain tolerance or if he is really not in any pain. Either way I guess it's good.

If he doesn't post on here for awhile, it is because I have him strapped to this chair and he can't use his hands Just kidding!! I love him and I am glad he feels good enough to do stuff.

Michelle

 

[tobagotwo]

Michelle,

Get him to use up his energy walking, instead of other things. He can probably walk 'till he drops without too much damage. I was walking several miles from when I got home on, much to my cardio's dismay, and increased distance rapidly. Other general things are fine to do along with walking, do not have the general benefit that walking does, and are not replacements for it.

He wants to take control back, and that is driving him to trying to act "normal" and "productive." You'll be lucky if he doesn't unwire himself carrying some completely unnecessary thing - like taking the garbage out to the street. Please point out to them how very stupid that would be, and pointless. And let him know how his risky behavior is worrying and affecting you and the kids.

It isn't that he has to sit and play the invalid. In some ways, he probably feels better than he has in months or years. But he does have to realize that the stakes are much higher than when he goes back to work one day too early with the flu. He is are old enough to know that feeling better and being healed are two very different things.

There will come a time when he can push themselves soon enough. Then you can hand him over to Mark W. (marathoner), Mark U. (triathelete), Raverlaw (rower), Hosacktom (climber), Runner, and so many other highly atheletic VR members. He just needs to let hiumself heal enough to get there...

Best wishes,

 

[Gemma]

As I recall, the VR.com mantra is "walk, breath, nap", not "drive, work, lift" . Jim did start building a motorbike (in the spare bedroom - his mother has the patience of a saint!) the first week he was out of hospital, but also knew when he needed to rest. Maybe it'll catch up with Jeff and Mike eventually and they'll be pooped for a few days. Or maybe you've got yourselves 2 supermen!!
All you can do is be there to help out when they need it - doesn't sound like either of them wants to sit down long enough to listen to your pleas for taking it easy though - maybe take them for a long walk instead as Bob said - it also offers you plenty of time to hammer your point home .
Tell Jeff not to be afraid to take the pain meds if he needs them - maybe not the strong stuff from the hospital but something to help with aches and pains - just check with the chemist/doctor first that it doesn't interact with any other meds he may be taking. Alternatively, massage often helps just as well. And will make him sit down and relax for a while!!!
Gemma.

 

[bvdr]

I've yet to find a way to make my husband do something he really doesn't want to do. I remember driving him home from a colonoscopy and making him a nice place to relax. Water, snacks, telephone, and remote all in easy reach. I got called into the hospital to work and he promised to stay put. Later I called to make sure he was alright and I got no answer. He had driven himself to the store to get ice cream. We had a freezer full of it and he was too fuzzy to realize it. I don't know what it was with ice cream that day but we absolutely had to stop to get him an ice cream cone on the way home from the hospital. He fell asleep eating it on the way home. In retrospect I should have hid the keys.

You can suggest but ultimately you can't make them do anything. I like Ross's suggestion.

 

[Nancy]

OK guys!

Let's remember that you have a bone that has to heal. And if you don't respect it, it will not heal properly and you will always have painful "movement" in the sternum area. Granted it's wired together, but that alone is not enough to have it heal without faults.

Driving torques the chest area, and that is why surgeons will only allow driving after a set period of time. They know how long it should take to have your chest heal.

Heavy lifting, anything over a couple of pounds also will cause the chest to strain too much and your surgeon will tell you when it is safe to lift ordinary things again.

Even opening some doors which are heavy, such as the refrigerator door can cause too much torque.

You wouldn't walk on a newly fractured leg, would you, or lift heavy objects with a newly fractured arm?

Please, please take care of your self, even though you are feeling well. You can still damage all the good work that is done inside of you, and that also includes soft tissues which have to heal, and of course, your heart valve which has a healing incision.

You are not indestructible, you CAN hurt yourself, and could even cause you to have to have additional surgery.

 

[Rebecca]

My husband was in a bike accident and broke his collar bone and three ribs and mess up his lung. The lung put him in the hospital for two days. When his doctor discharge him he couldn?t drive for so many weeks and the doctor added that if he did drive and was in an accident his insurance would not paid because he had doctor order not to drive. My husband didn?t drive until the doctor gave him the ok. My husband collar bone heals side to side not end to end. These men need to listen to their doctors.

 

[JimL]

I had to read these posts several times to make sure it wasn't MY wife telling about my cheating after surgery, you know, driving too soon, lifting too much (sheets of drywall), etc. Your concern for your husbands is laudable and commendable and in vain if they don't have any common sense, or if they have misplaced their common sense as I did.
There is pumpheadedness after surgery, which can translate into a difficulty with logical thinking. If the anesthesia stays in your system for months after surgery, there could also be some of the euphoric effects that last a few weeks beyond the surgery, making a person feel like they are indestructible. There is also the psychological necessity to demonstrate that I am not helpless, and perhaps to test the limits.
But then, duct tape can fix most problems.

 

[Ross]

But then, duct tape can fix most problems.

I can loan you my 2 lb Ball Peen Hammer, it fixes what duct tape won't.

 

[Debrinha GT]

Being stubborn!

Being stubborn!

Hello, I've been reading your posts about your husbands, and I'd like to add something else to what the others have already said. It seems to me that most of all, they're trying to prove a point here which I just don't think is fair on you both. I can understand that they're eager to get back to normal , but have they forgotten what all of you have been through? By that I mean that if they keep overdoing it, they might end up back in hospital and a setback may be harder to treat than having had the surgery in the first place. They sound like children wanting to call attention, and I honestly think they're being very selfish by not taking your concerns into consideration. I've had three mitral valve replacements myself and one of the reasons why I'm still alive is because I've never tried to speed things up and have always listrened to the doctors. One step at a time can take a person much farther. If I were you, I'd have a very serious word with them, no beating about the bush, about what might happen if they don't start bucking their ideas up before it's too late. You know, just like you would do with a child. They've been given a second chance so, tell them not to waste it!! Sorry if I may sound rude, but I'm just trying to get these husbands of yours to wake up to reality. I wish you both good luck with this task!

Débora from Brazil

 

[MelissaM]

The beautiful thing about the human body is that it generally has self-protective mechanisms that keep it from destroying itself.

I believe it is more difficult to be the care-taker of a heart patient than to actually BE the heart patient. As the care-taker, you can only guess what the patient is feeling. As the patient, you generally KNOW how you are feeling, and can act in accordance with it.

How would your husband know his limit if he didn't test the waters a bit?

Shortly after my surgery (less than a week) I was home, climbing stairs and doing a bit of laundry. I eventually hit my wall, but was glad to have the chance to see where it was.

Melissa

 

[Nancy]

Has Jeff sneezed yet? If that happens, he'll KNOW just how much healing has to be done yet in the sternum area. I know that my husband found it excruciating. It's a real wake-up call.

 

[Raverlaw]

My wake up call came on the 2nd day home when I tried to pick up the coffe maker carafe full of freshly brewed coffee. I had just got it off of the counter and out over the kitchen floor when I realized it was too heavy for me to lift....

And, as Nancy says, my first big sneeze (and I sneeze big when I sneeze) just about made my pass out! I'm not kidding - I had to take some Tylenol and lie down in the recliner for about a half an hour after that one. From then on, I carried the little heart pillow with me whenever I got up.

 

[momshell7]

Doing better

Doing better

Happy to report that Jeff is doing much better! He was a little upset that I posted about him not taking it easy. He said he didn't feel he was doing too much. I guess I just see things differently than he does. He knows how he feels and doesn't do too much, but a few times I thought he did things he shouldn't have. For the most part, he is doing really good. The kids and I are keeping him from lifting. I did come home today to find him vaccuming before the visiting nurse got here It was the small light-weight vaccum but still He just gave me a goofy grin and said "WHAT?". I could have smacked him. After he was done, he said it felt good to do something normal. I think that since he enjoyed it so much he can do it full time once he is fully recovered!

OH Well, I guess I can only do so much. He knows what he can and can't do so I have to hope he uses his best judgement!

 

[Karlynn]

I did come home today to find him vaccuming before the visiting nurse got here It was the small light-weight vaccum but still He just gave me a goofy grin and said "WHAT?". I could have smacked him. After he was done, he said it felt good to do something normal. I think that since he enjoyed it so much he can do it full time once he is fully recovered!

I guess the job is his now! That'll teach him.

 

[Ross]

I wanna say good for him, but I've been there twice now. If he messes up, give him NO SYMPATHY. He knows better and is determined not to listen. It will happen, it's just a question of when.

Jeff I'm ashamed of you, but envy you at the same time.

 

[momshell7]

Jeff doing more!

Jeff doing more!

Pam,
I am not sure what possessed him to vaccum. He did it while I was taking out son to school. I just hope that whatever it was it stays with him forever! I won't complain any time he wants to clean the house. If I figure out what made him do it I will try to send it your way!

 

[Granbonny]

Get your Hubby to unload wet clothes out of washer and bend over to put them in dryer.. That should cure him....After 2 1/2 years..I still have to have hubby to remove my iron skillet from oven.. Those things are heavy..plus the roast/chicken whatever I'm cooking...Bonnie