Thanks everyone,
its amazing the support that you can get around here! I really appreciate it. I have decided recently that its not the vanity aspect that bothers me, but its the ppl who ask/dont ask and the manner in which they do so. I absolutely dont mind showing the scar! actually, sometimes I like to, it makes a statement, the first night I went out after my birthday I wore a low neck shirt, I was a little upset about it, but I got over it, and no one even asked about it. I wore one yesterday to the company christmas party, and again, nothing was asked (well, I kinda knew these ppl)
(this usually depends on my mood though, sometimes I get cranky about it and just wear a turtleneck, like suzan, with my scar anything lower than a crew neck and it shows, my scar runs from the edge of my right collarbone to about 3 inches above my belly button, its really long)
this one really got me here, and it kinda goes along these lines, I'm still angry about this one! but this past january when I had all my testing done I also had a holter, and I hadnt had time to do laundry that week. I took the holter off before I left for class, the holter stickies leave me with big round red/bruised itchy rashy angry looking "hickies" for a lack of a better "descriptor", and the only shirt I could find was low cut, and it showed 2 of these spots. well, of course, I got asked about them by several people, on break a family friend of a long time, who had a class across the hall from me came out on break too, she saw my chest, and looked at me and said something to the effect of "you just wore that shirt cause you are looking for attention" first of all this blew me away, I mean completely blew my mind I tried to come back with something, but she re-stated what she said, emphasizing something along the lines of "why else would you wear that shirt". I couldnt believe it, and when I got home I started crying, and told my father (who's friend it is) and he reassured me that thats just the way she is, but I still havent quite gotten over that one 11 months later
like bina said, sometimes zippers and the like drive me nuts, sometimes I cant even wear a seatbelt without putting something between it and the scar (I think there is some nerve damage with the scar, it doesnt hurt, it just feels weird and drives me nutty)
as far as getting some sun on the scar, been there done that, with me, the scar stays white and the surrounding skin gets color, so it actually shows more
I have thought about the tattoo thing, I was thinking of getting a zipper pull, maybe even with a heart on it on the top of my scar because many CHD'ers call their scars their "zippers"
(interesting thing, I thought everyone had scars when I was really young, I didnt realize it was any different than anyone else, I remember when I noticed it was different, I was in the bathtub, probably with my sister, and just said "whats that?" pointing at it)
I have always been very aware of others with scars on their chests, especially the younger they are, once I see the scar, I usually feel a sense of connection with them, its very strange, but extremely comforting.
anyways, as I realize how long winded this is getting, I gotta go do saturday morning errands, thanks again,
Morgan, 21
