I have become surly.

[james]

I have noticed that since my surgery in January I have lost my tolerance for BS. I am losing my ability to work with people and it is starting to cause problems there. I am becoming a walking HR issue. I could explain in detail but, if you have had this happen you understand. I am quickly working on an exit strategy and if it were not for needing insurance I would have left already to focus on a side business.
I have also become less tolerant of seeing things go down in public I disagree with. I was in a store the other day and the clerk was getting an earful for no reason. I took the persons stuff off the counter and asked him to leave because I was actually trying to shop and he was just there to be a jerk (I used another term). I really doubt that he was going to buy and was just there to feed his ego on the clerk who did not need to get chewed out at $9 an hour.
Has anyone else had this happen? I just get an overwhelming focused thought of I don't have time for this crap and my inner dialog starts to flow out.

 

[Freddie]

Even before surgery, I wouldn't put up with people's stupidity or ignorance. Now after surgery I can say it has raised to a new level. Although I don't think I would have stepped in at the store like you did - in case of a ugly altercation pointed towards me.

I do know what your talking about.

 

[dick0236]

Sounds like anger and "why me, Lord" and it can be very destructive....been there, done that. Find a support group like "Mended Hearts" or another "cause" where you can get "out of yourself". I experienced these feelings and felt I "had a long way too go, and a short time to get there" and my intolerance and impatience played havoc with my life for several years. In hind-site, I can tell you that my fear and anger prooved to be unjustified. Take it "one day at a time":thumbup:.

 

[Michelle D]

I am going to a counselor for exactly this as well as anxiety she said that it could be a manifestation of PTSD due to being physically violated from the surgery. If you were a person in control and very independent before the surgery that feeling if having to rely on others and be dependent on others it could cause some strong emotions to surface.

 

[Protimenow]

I'm not entirely sure about all of this. I've spoken to many people who've had heart surgery and they say that "something" about them changes after the heart is cut open. It doesn't seem to happen with other types of major surgery -- just the heart. It's as if there's something about the heart that effects our very being - and when it's cut or modified (or removed), we're no longer exactly the same as when we went in before surgery.

Personally, I was a significant grouch when I was coming home from the hospital and the pharmacy took a LONG time to fill my prescription. I've developed a greater sensitivity to many things (including the use of incorrect wording, bad spelling, etc.), and perhaps this is because of some post-heart surgery changes.

I don't know.

I DO know that if you wind up not liking to see bad spelling, wrong use of words, etc., etc., they're not very well tolerated on this forum - so you may have to bite your tongue (or fingertips) if you encounter any.

I don't know about PTSD being a part of this, but it shouldn't hurt to seek professional help if you think you need it.

Good luck with your issues.

 

[Lionheart]

Hi James,

I haven't experienced what you have, but I know that for about the first year after surgery my emotions were on point. My over-sensitivity has decreased over time, but I try to retain the positive portions of those feelings (e.g. compassion). The other thing I felt was impatience with myself because I realized that time is a limited resource and therefore precious. My valve disease, and especially the surgery, made me more than aware that I am mortal and that there are things I want to get done with the time I have left on this earth and I want those things to happen sooner rather than later. So I guess my intolerance is mostly with myself. But overall my message is that you are still healing emotionally from the trauma of this disease and the treatment, so I support the advice given here earlier by others. I wish you the best my friend.
John

 

[vtbecca]

One thing to consider is a low level of brain damage from the heart lung machine. It has been shown that this happens in those who undergo OHS as babies (MRIs have shown actual changes) and children who have undergone surgery as infants are considerably more likely to have learning disabilities and behavior issues.

We have found this to be true. Gabe was a completely laid back baby, then at his cath at 1 year the night terrors started, but the real change came after his second open heart at age 1 1/2. He started intense tantrums, terrible sleep, and just lots of anger. We thought he'd outgrow it, originally attributed it to terrible 2s. It never stopped. I mentioned it to doctors, teachers, school counselors, and no one really took me seriously. School testing turned out just fine (though he really struggles with numbers, and eats non food items). We have paid (and will pay monthly for a while) for private testing and he was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder, pica, and also sensory processing difficulties. All of which give an answer to the troubles he has had for so long. He behaves well at school but does eat things there, hates to be called on, and has run out of the classroom on occasion. I have no doubt some or much of this is from his surgeries, the second one in particular. I also suspect that if babies brains change during surgery so can adults. There doesn't seem to be any other explanation for a drastic difference following a surgery of this sort.

For now, for us, we will start him in various therapies and hope for the best (and hope we can pay for all of them), and really pray that the next surgery doesn't cause more negative changes.

 

[Penny]

Hi James.. I have noticed a difference in my patience level since my surgery.. I think it is due to me not feeling well and it is making me grouchy.. its weird how this surgery can affect us in this way. I had a woman cut in front of me at a coffee place.. normally I would just think "wow she must be in a hurry" and just let it go.. but the other day I thought.. no damn way and said something. I was really choked with her ignorance... silly me.
I agree with the other members that suggest a counsellor for some guidance in order to remain peaceful within... but I am a volunteer lay counsellor and it didn't stop me from getting upset..
Heart surgery in itself is huge and requires a major adjustment in our lives with a long healing process.. who wouldn't get a little cranky at times..

 

[Eva]

Hi James,

I think you may be still going through the grief period which is normal after such a major surgery...the tension and the fears we go through and the surgery's effect on our body leaves a big mark on us.

So, you are not alone and you are normal. If your insurance entitles you to see someone to help you overcome this sooner than overcoming it on your own, why not take advantage of it before it interferes with your job and relationships. Also, this will help you not to rush into making decisions that you may regret later (such as leaving your job).

You may also talk to your own PCP, if you do not wish to see a therapist or join a support group. Reassuring you and explaining to you what is going on will be a big relief.

Good luck and keep us posted

 

[Eva]

One thing to consider is a low level of brain damage from the heart lung machine. It has been shown that this happens in those who undergo OHS as babies (MRIs have shown actual changes) and children who have undergone surgery as infants are considerably more likely to have learning disabilities and behavior issues.

We have found this to be true. Gabe was a completely laid back baby, then at his cath at 1 year the night terrors started, but the real change came after his second open heart at age 1 1/2. He started intense tantrums, terrible sleep, and just lots of anger. We thought he'd outgrow it, originally attributed it to terrible 2s. It never stopped. I mentioned it to doctors, teachers, school counselors, and no one really took me seriously. School testing turned out just fine (though he really struggles with numbers, and eats non food items). We have paid (and will pay monthly for a while) for private testing and he was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder, pica, and also sensory processing difficulties. All of which give an answer to the troubles he has had for so long. He behaves well at school but does eat things there, hates to be called on, and has run out of the classroom on occasion. I have no doubt some or much of this is from his surgeries, the second one in particular. I also suspect that if babies brains change during surgery so can adults. There doesn't seem to be any other explanation for a drastic difference following a surgery of this sort.

For now, for us, we will start him in various therapies and hope for the best (and hope we can pay for all of them), and really pray that the next surgery doesn't cause more negative changes.

I am sorry, Becca, for what Gabe have gone through since being a child and for your sufferings as a mother. May you find the strength to stay strong, and may you all be rewarded later when Gabe improves and become stronger and fitter.

 

[vtbecca]

Aw, thanks Eva. There are times I don't feel strong but I think I handle it well most of the time Though the behavior stuff wears on me more than the heart. It's daily and intense. Tantrums in a 9 year old are not pretty. I'm just thankful he's a small 9 year old and can't do much damage yet. He can be such a sweet, amazing child and I know much of it is not in his control. Patience and strength are what I need, so thank you.

 

[Cooker]

James,

I can only speak for me but when I find myself getting or being "surly" I think it is time to look at myself ... usually there is something wrong on my end if I am finding fault with others .... I think if you look at yourself, your expectations and be honest with yourself you will begin to find an answer to your question ...

I feel that I have become a kinder, gentler more tolerant person since my AVR ... today when disturbed by something I try and pause and ask, "why is this bothering me, why is it so important to me ... if I am honest it is usually because my ego in someway has been bruised or I see my own defects in the other person.

Good luck, this is not an easy thing to resolve and it will not happen over night.....

 

[Kathy McCain]

I think Dick made some very good points. Does sound like "why me Lord". I know because I have gone through something similar. In fact, to a certain extent, I still am. I feel in some regards, like I'm "running out of time", the clock is ticking, I don't have time for this stupidity, but in reality, aren't we all running out of time?? NO ONE can predict the future. I agree with Dick, it is best to try and take life one day at a time. I was making myself miserable with anxiety, mostly from situations that may never happen. I also am almost ashamed to admit, that I don't have much compassion for other people's health problems, unless of course they are severe. (heart, cancer ect)

So I think part of the problem is anger, and anger stems from fear. Maybe James you might consider going to a couselor, pastor,or whoever you might feel comfortable exposing your inner self. Someone who can help you with coping skills. I think
these feeling will improve over time.

Good luck and please take care!

 

[Mentu]

James, perhaps, part of what you are experiencing now is an intolerance of the banal because you have had to deal with a life threatening experience. It is also very normal to experience depression months after heart surgery. I would encourage you to seek help to deal with this before it really gets in the way. As others have suggested, if you can find a support group, I think you would find comfort in hearing other people with similar experience. I would also urge you to speak with your family Doctor about dealing with depression now. These are normal things to feel, James, but because they are normal does not mean that you can treat it by yourself.

Larry

 

[Cris N]

I DO know that if you wind up not liking to see bad spelling, wrong use of words, etc., etc., they're not very well tolerated on this forum - so you may have to bite your tongue (or fingertips) if you encounter any.

We like to give people the benefit of the doubt in the event that they're having a case of 'pumphead'.

 

[Marguerite53]

James. You have gotten some great advice and I suspect more will come. Many of us know what you are saying. And, you are still in your first year of recovery. This is a life event, and you are still dealing with the enormity of it -- the whole person impact.

I don't think you should go it alone on this one. It sounds to me like your fuse is short and you should welcome getting some professional advice to give you some coping skills as you manage these changes you are currently mired in. Please don't just let someone throw some drugs at you. I hate that. ALL anti-depressant, anti-PSTD, anti-anxiety drugs really require some guidance -- some skill building -- some recognition and acknowledgment of the mood/ state of mind by a trained human being.

Then, there's another thing. The mother in me is thinking, LOOK!! if your actions in public continue to escalate you could really endanger yourself!!!! Who's to say that the next "guy" you run into won't be so easily pushed aside or insulted. Do you realize how many people carry weapons?? (yes, even in enlightened Seattle) What on earth do you think you're doing engaging in a potentially volatile predicament after you've gone and survived open heart surgery??!! Cut it out!!

Okay, then....... and just for the record, I have changed a lot myself, too. I haven't the patience for belittling or anger or meanness. But I tend to just walk around it. I really don't have the patience to get involved! I am much less tolerant and choose to just "leave the building".

We care. Please keep us posted on how you are choosing to deal with this.

Best wishes.

Marguerite

 

[james]

Thanks for all the "I have been there too". It is just what I needed to hear.
I called the EAP my company has contracted out and am meeting with a counselor in the morning. I talked to my Manager at work about it and she told me to take off whatever time I need to take so I can deal with this.

 

[Bina]

James, you were very wise to seek out help. OHS can be very traumatic. Best wishes.

 

[Marguerite53]

James, that is excellent news. Great job on that! It's not easy to ask for help. Thank you so much for letting us know.

Best wishes on this part of the recovery journey.

Marguerite

 

[prdraper1]

i have similar feeling too and have had for most of my life. I can never stand BS when it plainly apparent.