Husband's surgery is tomorrow

[Dee]

Hi, all! I've been reading this forum since the beginning of the year. My husband was told he needed surgery in December of last year, but it took a long time to get the second opinion and all the pretests done. I think he was hoping the second-opinion surgeon would say he didn't need it, but I knew it was inevitable.

He'll be having a mitral valve repair/replacement, tricuspid valve repair, and repair of a hole in his heart that he was born with but never knew about. The surgeon is confident he can do it minimally invasive (incision between the ribs on the right) but of course cannot guarantee it.

My husband is 62 and has chosen a tissue valve. The surgeon said he was in the "gray area" for his recommendation of tissue v. mechanical. My husband tried to get me to tell him what to choose, but I wouldn't. I just said, "Are you willing to have constant blood tests or do home testing? Will you really be on top of it?" I told him I was NOT willing to make it my responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but I've been a care manager and advocate for two elderly parents, my son who was diagnosed with a rare, life-threatening condition (he's fine now, just needs monitoring), then my husband's surgery two years ago, and now his heart surgery, for the past decade, and my mother with advanced Alzheimer's is now on hospice. We have no other family here, so it's all been on me. I'm burned out!

I've spent a lot of time on here reading about all the bumps in the road that can occur. I'm hoping for the best, but want to be prepared for the worst! I have total confidence in the surgeon and his team at Mayo in Jacksonville. I did not have confidence in the local surgeon we consulted, and I also hate our local hospital. We're 45 minutes from the Mayo, which isn't too bad.

My worst fear is that my husband will be difficult when he returns home! He had surgery for the first time two years ago (unrelated to his heart), and he was such a PITA!

The surgeon and his nurse told me to not even consider spending the first night at the hospital, because I won't get any sleep and will be of no use to him in the following days.

My question is how much time should I count on spending at the hospital with him? I'm boarding the dogs this afternoon, but I'll need to be home every other day to feed the cat and scoop the litter box. My son lives only 15 minutes from the Mayo and can be there a few hours a day. Will it be necessary for me to spend the night? When my husband had surgery two years ago, once he was transferred from recovery to his room, he didn't want me around fussing after him and told me to go home. I don't know what to expect this time.

 

[Mentu]

Hi, Dee, while your husband is in the ICU after surgery, he will be monitored very very closely. I would say that you might consider visiting for a few minutes but there is no reason to stay. Once he's been moved to his own room, his nursing team will follow the protocols for such patients. For myself, I didn't mind visits during the day but I didn't want any hovering, especially, in the evening because it was hard enough to sleep well. It was nice once in awhile to have someone to walk with but that is all during the day. Once he gets home, he is going to find he has little stamina for awhile and will likely be in need of naps throughout the day after any exercise such as taking a shower, small chores, walking outside, etc. On the other hand, it will be important for him to walk and do his breathing exercise. Prior to starting Cardiac Rehab, walking and little chores around the house are pretty much all that he will feel like doing at first. If he is not going to have a sternotomy, he may be up and about more quickly but he is still going to experience the loss of energy. Stamina should return as each week passes. I found I could walk to the end of the block and back the day after I got home and by the end of the third week home, I could walk half a mile or so but this may not be your husband's experience. Walking, however far, helps get the lungs fully functional again and is the single best thing for feeling better and sleeping more soundly.

Let us know how things are going, Dee, and welcome to VR.

Larry

 

[Dee]

Thank you, Larry. He's already told me that he'll kill me if I allow any of his coworkers to visit him in the hospital. :smile2: I suspect that he, too, will not want me hovering. I just want to make sure I can advocate for him. I might not need to do much. My son had chemo-type treatment over five days at the Mayo, and his care was very, very good.

The nurse gave my husband a great speech about walking once he gets home. It's too hot here to walk outside during the day, but we have an open floor plan, so my husband can do circles around the house. I plan to take notes to monitor his progress so if he gets discouraged, I can show him that he's getting better day by day.

The thing I dread most is getting him to eat. I know he won't have much of an appetite at first, and food won't taste all that good to him, but if they put him on a salt-restricted diet, he is going to be miserable. He doesn't have coronary artery disease, but I'm guessing they will restrict his salt intake to prevent fluid retention.

 

[marc_kowal]

Hi Dee,

Just a thought, if he's going to be walking a lot inside the house, get a Pedometer so he can keep track of how many steps he takes and then his goal should be to increase that every day.

I know for me, my appetite was lousy for about a week after I got home. Get some supplement drinks to make sure he gets the nutrition he needs. I did the chocolate flavored Ensure (tasted almost like chocolate mlk).


Good Luck,
Marc

 

[tom in MO]

My wife came and visited about 1-3 hours a day depending upon her schedule. It's nice to have visits, but there is no need to have them be long. I liked a drop in from a friend and coworker as well. There is no need for you to keep watch.

Even in Fl it's not that hot in the morning or later in the day. He can walk outside then.

 

[njean]

I personally don't think you need to stay overnight at the hospital at all. Your husband will be in ICU for the first day or so and he will be monitored 24-7 there and no one is allowed but a few minutes visitation anyway.

And once he's in his room, you can spend some time with him during the day but still no need to stay overnight. He'll be well taken care of by the nursing staff. You might want to drop in right before breakfast, lunch and dinner to help him a bit with his meals and encourage him to eat in order to regain his strength. Helping him walk up and down the halls is good too and offering a bit of help with his grooming such as brushing his hair, shaving, etc. The nursing staff will help him bathe so there's no need for you to strain yourself trying to do that. And once he feels strong enough, he can do that himself.

Wishing your husband the best of luck with his surgery and good luck to you and take care of yourself too!

Note: Speaking as a patient, when I was in my room, I looked forward to having my husband come by late mornings and sticking around for the lunch hour if possible and then returning to spend some time with me before and after dinner. The rest of the time, I preferred being alone in order to dose off when I felt like it without feeling that I had to stay awake for him or anyone else. Rest is very important to a patient's healing!

 

[Dee]

Thank you, everyone, for your helpful tips. I am happy to hear it won't be necessary to stay overnight, as I'm sure that my moving about and getting up to use the restroom would irritate my husband.

My sister gave him a pedometer as a gift last month. He's never taken it out of the package, so I will have that ready for him to use when he returns home. He also loves chocolate milkshakes, so I will make them with Ensure.

I think we're as ready as we can be. We have to leave the house at 4:30 a.m. I doubt my husband will get much sleep, so I'm going to sleep on the couch so I won't disturb him.

I am so grateful for this forum. It is so helpful to hear personal accounts. Thank you all again!

 

[bluefields409]

Praying all goes well with surgery and that recovery will be smooth. Don't forget to take care of yourself as you also look after your husband.

 

[AZ Don]

Best wishes on your husbands surgery. I had my surgery at Mayo - Phoenix and was very happy with the level of care I received. It was hot here in Phoenix when I had my surgery so until I was given the ok to drive (to where I could walk on a treadmill), most of my walking was in circles around the house. Not the most exciting exercise but it works. I know some people don't have much appetite after surgery but by day 2 I was hungry, even for hospital food. Regarding visitors, I was pretty tired the first couple days and some family friends came by so I felt like I had to stay awake for them, but then when my kids came by I had to cut the visit short - by falling asleep. I would have preferred that only my family visited. I actually slept pretty good considering but with all the disturbances by the nurses as well as being limited on what positions I could sleep in after surgery, it is hard to get enough rest.