Gotta Confess: I'm Nervous

[MA Bell]

I received my St. Jude mitral valve in 2000. This group was a great help to me then, both before and after surgery. I have had 15 really good years but now have some symptoms that are a bit scary:coughing and wheezing especially. Also an ENT doc told me I should check with my cardiologist because my heart rate is elevated. I don't have the other signs I had when really sick like swelling feet and ankles or bad shortness of breath. I checked in here a couple weeks ago and helpful folks told me to go ahead and get an appointment with my cardiologist. I took this advice and my appointment is tomorrow. I go to St. Luke's in Houston and my cardio is Dr. Patrick Hogan. I really like him and we've been following my good progress for 15 year with nothing but great checkups, the last one being last September. But now I cannot deny my symptoms. Tomorrow is my appointment. To be honest I'm kinda scared. I have not talked to anybody about my fears except a little bit with my steady fellow. We met 4 years ago and have been together since. I don't want to worry him unnecessarily but keeping all this to myself is hard at the moment. I will turn 70 in September. I know I've had a great life and this may be greedy but I want more! My daughter's career is taking off and I want to see that unfold. So I am sitting out on my porch at the end of a beautiful spring day wishing I had somebody to talk to. It helps a little to admit this here. Thanks for reading if you got this far. This time tomorrow I will have information and I know that is power. I am a librarian and we folks thrive on information. Hope everybody has a nice evening. Cheers, mabell

 

[RTZdad]

I hope tomorrow brings you the information that you seek. Ideally, not related to your heart or something that you can't handle. I am very familiar with not wanting your significant other worrying until they have to. I do the same for my wife, who is quite the worrier. I will say a prayer for you that everything will turn out ok for you and that you et to enjoy watching your daughter thrive. I hope to read some good news from you tomorrow. Good night.

Tom

 

[harrietW]

MA Bell
I'm Sure hope things work out well for you and you get some good news tomorrow. I'm glad you atleast spelled out your fears. It's aweful to have noone to talk to.
And l am glad you got a fellow to worry about you.
Xx Best wishes

 

[Agian]

I can relate to feeling you have no one to talk to.
Just think whilst you're writing (even if it's in the small hours of the morning) someone who might be on the other side of the planet is awake.
My heart rate goes up when I'm anxious.

 

[pellicle]

no, its not greedy, its a sign that you're happy, healthy and well adjusted.

I live in a large town and personally find it has less friendly faces that I can relate to than if I lived out in the bush. At least living out bush I could take advantage of things I enjoy that can't be done in town.

Have you considered talking more with your steady fellow?

Good relationships are built on trust. Good communication builds trust. Seems win win to me.

Best Wishes.

 

[honeybunny]

MA, I am going to private message you my phone number. I live a bit south of Houston and would be happy to be someone you can lean on and talk to about this. You have had your appointment by the time you read this but I'm available this evening (and most evenings) to chat.

Hugs,
Michele

 

[ottagal]

By now, you have probably had your appointment. Hoping all went well and look forward to an update.
P.S. it is only natural and human nature to want to continue living and get more out of life...definitely not greedy.

 

[ottagal]

By now, you have probably had your appointment. Hoping all went well and look forward to an update.
P.S. it is only natural and human nature to want to continue living and get more out of life...definitely not greedy.

 

[MA Bell]

I cannot thank you guys enough. When I went to bed I had RTZdad's message and then this morning I was greeted with the others. I really did feel the power of that prayer last night and then today was encouraged by all additional messages. I humbly thank you all. Since I had been doing a lot of coughing, some wheezing, and had an elevated heart rate, I was concerned about CHF. I was worried that my faithful valve was not working properly. Well, I was worried about the wrong things. My valve is ticking away AOK, and my lungs look pretty clear. Doc thinks my coughing is allergies, which was what I was hoping. His concern was about my heart rate which is about twice what it should be. The verdict is atrial flutter. He put me on metoprolol and digoxin. I am to go back in one week and be prepared to be admitted for an ablation if he is not satisfied with results of the meds. If I'm responding he will just send me on my merry way! For now I am supposed to go home and take it easy and take my meds and maybe they will do the trick. Either way, this scenario is much less concerning to me than my imagined misdiagnosis. Interestingly my fella went to his cardiologist today too. He was in Austin and me in Houston. He got a good checkup and I'm looking forward to telling him my news. Again, thanks so very much!

 

[pellicle]

MA

as it happens I feel strongly about prayer, however it is not in any way that is common. I do not think kindly about prayer asking for things. I prefer to ask only that I find strength to do what is needed myself.

I never ask to be delivered, only to see within myself what was there all along. I do not believe God wants us to be like that kid in the supermarket asking for stuff and trying every tactic to get it from Mum. Accordingly this is the only prayer I subscribe to:

 

[RTZdad]

Fantastic news. I've been hoping that you would be ok. While there is still something amiss, I'm glad it appears to be far more manageable. Thank you for the update.

Tom

 

[honeybunny]

So glad to hear the good news! Sounds like you'll be find.

 

[MA Bell]

You guys know that having a valve replacement makes you realize you can get through the challenges you meet. After my successful surgery I have had no problems with my valve, including my present situation which is something else entirely.. And it just seems a lot less scary. Back in 2010 I had early detection breast cancer and a partial mastectomy+radiation. To me it was somewhat concerning but nothing like the valve surgery. So I find my present situation one that deserves my respect in the sense I do exactly what I'm told and get it fixed, but It's not gonna get me down. My combination cough and elevated heart rate was making me think I was back where I was before my valve because I felt similar. Then the change-up to this new thing is just a relief. And having your messages has been such a blessing. Thanks again so much!

 

[MA Bell]

I wanted to say thanks one more time for all the encouragement. I am now looking back on the procedure from two weeks ago. I seem to be ticking along just fine. The procedure set me back a little more than I expected, which may have been due to the anesthesia and my age, 69. The last 4-5 days I am happy to feel close to normal. Just fatigue which I think may be related to the drug amidarone, which doc did say I might be able to discontinue if everything goes well. I continue to be grateful to this group. honeybunny, maybe you and can meet sometime since both go to St. Luke's. I love that place and both my cardiologist and surgeon were great. Pellicle mentioned the Serenity Prayer which is something I memorized a long time ago along with some other passages that are part of my daily life. I did want to share one more bit to the ending of the Serenity Prayer, especially since the last lines are favorites of mine. Here goes:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Read more: http://www.living-prayers.com/topics/serenity_prayer.html#ixzz46tPNdLmX​

Amen.

 

[pellicle]

hey Ma ... glad to hear you're tickin along fine

 

[dick0236]

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Congratulations on coming thru the surgery OK......and living the Serenity Prayer has been a daily goal in my life.

 

[pellicle]

dick0236
one alternative I know goes like this:
God grant me the Serenity
to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change those I can
and the wisdom to know where to hide the bodies of the others

 

[RTZdad]

I'm glad you're feeling ok. Thanks for the update!