Fear

[Paleowoman]

Hi Pellicle,

Dune is one of the best sic-fi books I've read, so many truths in it. I usually read non-fiction though, have got a couple of books to take in to hospital but I suspect I will listen to music mostly as it's so relaxing.

The hill in the photo is one I love to climb in France. I do lots of hill walking there, quite long strenuous walks which I'm looking forward to doing again. We are lucky that we have a small house there as my parents lived there when they retired, and when they passed on the house came to us and my brother. We try and get there a couple of times a year (dh working and our son has Aspergers which makes it difficult) but dh has retired recently so we hope to go more often. That's where we're planning to go in March or April !

 

[big_L]

Like you, I felt I was totally asymptomatic pre-surgery. This made the weeks leading up to surgery worse. I guess I felt like - what am I doing this for, why am I putting myself and my spouse through this. Fear is a natural response. Telling yourself that you shouldn't feel what you're feeling doesn't work. I frequently think about a passage from one of Sylvia Boorstein's book where she talks about how thoughts can be like storms. They will pass. Yes - they can rock your world, but they won't last.

 

[Paleowoman]

Thanks big–L - and everyone.

 

[Eva]

If you find you have too much anxiety, there is nothing wrong with asking your doctor for Rx for something to help you through. This is the sort of situation for which those medications are made.

I agree! I also agree with other members' views.

When I feel fear, I remind myself that:

FEAR can be healthy if it cautions us to stay safe around something that could be dangerous, but
FEAR can be unhealthy if it cautions us more than the situation calls for.

I also love that FEAR is an abbreviation for:

F ace
E everything
A nd
R ecover

Good luck.

 

[SCCWS]

But I already feel much better than I've felt for years and years. Because I was diagnosed about seven years ago with both diabetes and osteoporosis I made major lifestyle changes then and I feel fitter and stronger than I felt even when I was in my 20s and 30s when we're supposed to be at our peak ! My stenosis isn't giving me any symptoms at all - if it were then I think it might be a little easier - as Debbie wrote. Discussing this with my GP yesterday, I think it's that I think I fear that I will never get back the same strength and fitness after surgery. Though using logic I know that my current good fitness should help me recover. I do meditate, but it doesn't seem to help with this - trying low dose lorazepam again despite side effects……I'm going into hospital on the afternoon of the day before surgery and am having surgery in the afternoon - not happy about that either, being in hospital for 24 hours before. They can't change to the morning.

I had valve replacement surgery in Sept 2012--age 63. When I first went to my cardio, he said I would probably need surgey in 3-5 years. My echo each year showed a steady decrease so I was prepared when I had my echo in 2012( Year 4) that I might be getting close. He told me that I should be prepared to have the surgery in the spring of 2013. I had none of the symptoms. I was walking 2-3---14 minute miles every day and never had any dizziness, chest pains or shortness of breath----the Doc's standard question each visit. I told him why wait another 12 months? Why not go when I felt good? He said that was my decision so I met w the surgeon and chose Sept 2012. I felt very little anxiety. My surgeon was in his early 70's and had perfomed over 10,000 OHS. That alone gave me a lot of confidence. I went in on a Wednesday and still walked the Sunday before.
15 months later and I rarely think about it. So I often forget to come back to this site which was so helpful to me before/after my surgery. The surgery went great. After surgery I took a pain killer on the recommendation of the nurse. But I never felt I needed a second one so I passed each time they offered. The worst part of the whole process was the cough that started once I got home. I also developed AFIB which was an aggravation for a couple months after.
I am now down to low BP medication and low cholesterol meds that I took before I had the surgery. Only additional med is a low dose aspirin. I walk as fast and as long as I did before surgery. I did get a tiisue valve.
I think if you are in good shape going in, you will find the whole process to be a tune up for the next 50,000 miles.

Good luck in January.

 

[mbeard]

SCCWS,

You bring a lot of comfort with your post. Yeah!

 

[pellicle]

Hi

... but I suspect I will listen to music mostly as it's so relaxing.

as you can probably guess I'm one who likes the outdoors. One of my hobbies (from a career attempt in a life long long ago) is to record the ambient sounds. Its not only when I go camping, sometimes I like quiet urban sounds when there is something happening (like the birds or the insects going on about stuff)

So if you are interested to 'augment' your hospital music collection with some ambient recording from Australia I'll offer you a recording that is about 49minutes long done in Girraween, more or less near here:

image

As it has much less low frequency content it actually plays very well on a modern phone. I have many hours of such which I played in hospital when I have been in there to 'break' the clinical feel of the place. For sometimes I'm stuck with my music choice ... Brian Eno? Philip Glass? Tangerine Dream? Arvo Part? Vangelis? King Crimson? Oscar Peterson? ... each requires a mood to me, but nature is always nice.

See if you can download it from here ... its an MP3 of about 70Mb

 

[Paleowoman]

Oh gosh - thank you pellicle !!! It's lovely, I just downloaded it and listened to some of it It will remind me of being outdoors when I'm stuck indoors as it's also our winter here. Are those your footsteps ? Bach and Avro Part will keep me going with music, especially on the day before - I have to go in 24 hours before surgery, I checked yesterday. I go in 2pm the day before and surgery is the following afternoon - sigh. Would much rather morning surgery, less time to stress.

 

[pellicle]

Oh gosh - thank you pellicle !!!

you're welcome

Are those your footsteps ?

yeah ... I left them in it to remind me of being there ...

go in 2pm the day before and surgery is the following afternoon - sigh. Would much rather morning surgery, less time to stress.

much better than when I had my first ... that was nearly a week before and after ... but that was the 70's

I have noticed that the hardest things are the most beautiful. Perhaps Anxiety comes from the avoidance of the experience of beauty because of fear of the challenge? This morning was -23C and the sunrise over the river was beautiful. But my hands were stinging when using the camera.

The steam is because the water is 23degrees warmer than the air ;-)

 

[Paleowoman]

much better than when I had my first ... that was nearly a week before and after ... but that was the 70's

A week before ! Awful. I'll be having a week in afterwards which I don't mind.

I see that now you're in Finland it is much colder than even the UK ! But beautiful like you say

 

[Kozmo]

I'm not sure how to say this, so I'll just use my experience as something that I hope can prove helpful.

Before my surgery, I have never been so scared in my entire life. You're about to have major surgery, it's perfectly normal. But rest assured that whoever is doing your surgery, they were assigned to you because they know what they're doing. You're in good hands and you're going to come out just fine, sore, but just fine.

It's just one of those things you have to grit your teeth, grab the bull, and throw that sucker on the ground and show the world how tough you really are.

If you need reassurance, ask your doctor how many procedures he or she has performed. I did, it wasn't a stab at their career, I was simply curious. The risks are very low in this type of surgery, even though it's major. It can be very relieving to hear the answer from the doctor themselves.

But it's perfectly normal to be nervous and/or scared, it's a natural reaction. Good luck in your surgery, and let us know how your recovery is going

As Eva said, that FEAR acronym is outstanding.

F ace
E everything
A nd
R ecover

Best of luck and wishes

-Tim (Koz)

 

[aliciavicki]

Paleogirl, I'm not sure I can expand much more on what everyone has said... I felt the anxiety and fear that you have... But I also felt euphoria and excitement in the lead up to my surgery. It's like a hill workout... You push and push through the tough times fully aware that the sun is shining on the other side.

I must say, now just under 3 weeks out from surgery, everything is bright

 

[aliciavicki]

Paleogirl, I'm not sure I can expand much more on what everyone has said... I felt the anxiety and fear that you have... But I also felt euphoria and excitement in the lead up to my surgery. It's like a hill workout... You push and push through the tough times fully aware that the sun is shining on the other side.

I must say, now just under 3 weeks out from surgery, everything is bright

 

[Paleowoman]

Thanks for your positive message aliciavicki ! I'm glad things are going well for you !

I think my problem is that I feel very well now and I can't see how I'm going to feel good after surgery when I'm aymptomatic now ! I'm not feeling all that fearful now, in fact my main emotion is annoyance. I'm annoyed that the surgeon tried to push me for surgery ealier by saying that I could go into left ventricular failure anytime - no I could not, cardiologist checked again - or that my heart could simply stop !

It's too late to change surgeons and I know from the stats that my surgeon is technically tops, plus my cardiologist has confidence in her.

Next time, when my replacement is replaced, I'm going to make sure that I have at least nine months warning, by that I mean when my pressure gradient is in the mid 50s, and I will ask to see several surgeons and let them know that I'm looking for a surgeon who is technically brilliant and who will answer my questions etc (my surgeon didn't want to and was rushed). I could kick myself for not realising that I should have done that earlier this year, had I known how some surgeons can be……

Less than three weeks to go for me !

 

[Cromey]

Hi Paleogirl,
I also have a Bicuspid valve and have AVR surgery scheduled for the first week in February so approximately a month after you.

Having had OHS surgery 3 times previously at the ripe old age of 39, I am amazed afterwards at how much better I’ve always felt afterwards, although each time I’ve felt asymptomatic. I think because the changes in my body have been so gradual my body adjusts and this becomes normal, therefore I feel asymptomatic when in fact I’m probably not.

Good luck with the surgery and I look forward to hearing how the recovery is going. Waiting is without a doubt the worst part!!!

 

[Paleowoman]

Hi Cromey,

3 times previously ! I don't envy you ! I'll be sure to let everyone know if I do feel 'better' afterwards, ie if my body has adjusted to how I am !

Where abouts are you having your OHS ? I'm going to St Anthony's as I get Bupa from my husband's work, but the surgeon's NHS base is St George's.

PS - just read the post about Metopolol - if I have to go on medications like that after surgery I will consider it a failure

 

[ottagal]

Not sure wy you would think this is a failure. It is pretty standard procedure to go on a beta blocker post op while the heart is re modelling Many of us end up going off of it in time. If your heart is fixed then that is a success.

 

[Paleowoman]

Not sure wy you would think this is a failure. It is pretty standard procedure to go on a beta blocker post op while the heart is re modelling Many of us end up going off of it in time. If your heart is fixed then that is a success.

Temporarily that would be okay as I know that's normal, but it seemed from the thread on Metoprolol that some people were on it longer term, and not having good side effects, which would imply that there was some 'damage' to the heart as it wasn't able to remodel or whatever. I think that during surgery sometimes the vagus nerve, or some other one that runs near the heart, can be damaged, though I don't know if that's the reason why some people have to stay on the beta blockers ?

 

[chaidell]

It is easy to fear the unknown.

You need to confront it head on, bc truth be told, you've never felt this alive in your entire life.

Embrace this challenge.

 

[Carol]

Metoprolol was hard to take but Carvedilol is great.I feel all Beta blockers are not all bad.If you have trouble on one lessen the dose or try another one.They do their job.When I was on metoprolol I had permission to half it.