Fear

[Paleowoman]

I saw my GP this evening who is so helpful and understanding and we talked a lot about my up and coming OHS (also going to try lorazepam again). I felt great when I left the surgery, then not long after came down feeling very afraid....I realise that by talking with him about things I came close to the raw fear I am feeling. How can we deal with this fear ? I know in the end that I will just have to be brave but I don't like this feeling of fear.

 

[mbeard]

I think it is fear of the unknown, and also feeling out of control. That's how I think I would be feeling . I hope you can find some things to distract you in the coming days. Thinking about you. You will be even a fitter fiddle after January 6th.

 

[Duffey]

I don't think you have to be brave. I certainly wasn't. I was scared all the time, and one of the hardest things I ever did was to walk into the hospital the day of my replacement. However, I realized that I didn't have a choice. If you can use logic to consider your situation, that might help. The fear does nothing to make what's going to take place any easier, and it diminishes the happiness you would normally feel each day. Trying to take each day at a time, and not dwelling on the future, might ease your fear somewhat.
Best wishes.

 

[maisiejane]

I saw my GP this evening who is so helpful and understanding and we talked a lot about my up and coming OHS (also going to try lorazepam again). I felt great when I left the surgery, then not long after came down feeling very afraid....I realise that by talking with him about things I came close to the raw fear I am feeling. How can we deal with this fear ? I know in the end that I will just have to be brave but I don't like this feeling of fear.

Hi Anne,
We have no other choice, we need to go through the fear to get to the other side, try to focus on post surgery and how good we will be afterwards, smile2: talking through our fears is important but you mustn't let them consume you. You and your Consultants have covered all the bases and you must now have faith in their skills. Have you ever meditated or tried yoga? Words come easy Anne, and believe me I know how you are feeling, I think it helps me as I am having symptoms and will be so happy to feel well again 100% of the time, and hopefully that is what the surgery will bring, all we can do is hope Take care my friend. Deb x

 

[pellicle]

Hi

I don't know how to phrase this, but I wanted to try. Being afraid is normal, but letting that fear dominate you is dangerous and unhelpful. There is a phrase I keep in my mind at these times from a book I read:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain

Being anything in excess is not good. So just accept that things happen to you that are out of your control all the time; this is just one more of them. My wife died suddenly and unexpectedly of a cancer. It was 48 hours from diagnosis to death. I can assure you that the idea that we have some control over our lives is an illusion. I myself read that exact phrase many many years ago ... it is only now that I really understand its meanings.

I still have no resolution to other issues related to my 2011 surgery, but fearing that will only destroy the quality of life I have *right now*.

Rest assured that you're in good hands and that you will be ok

 

[mbeard]

Thank you Pellicle

Thank you Pellicle

cle

Hi

I don't know how to phrase this, but I wanted to try. Being afraid is normal, but letting that fear dominate you is dangerous and unhelpful. There is a phrase I keep in my mind at these times from a book I read:



Being anything in excess is not good. So just accept that things happen to you that are out of your control all the time; this is just one more of them. My wife died suddenly and unexpectedly of a cancer. It was 48 hours from diagnosis to death. I can assure you that the idea that we have some control over our lives is an illusion. I myself read that exact phrase many many years ago ... it is only now that I really understand its meanings.

I still have no resolution to other issues related to my 2011 surgery, but fearing that will only destroy the quality of life I have *right now*.

Rest assured that you're in good hands and that you will be ok

You have life experiences to back up your good advice.

 

[ski girl]

Paleogirl - what is it that you're afraid *of*? You're going to have a surgery that will fix what is wrong with you, is not experimental, and you've got heaps of mates on here who have gone through what you're about to go through (and in many cases, much worse!).

If you can, try to get excited about the ultimate outcome, which is that you will feel MUCH better than you do right now and go on ticking for quite a while to come.

Maybe isolating what you're afraid of and then addressing that will help. In reading your previous posts you have said that the loss of control during surgery worries you - I'd be more worried about being awake!

 

[Paleowoman]

Hi

I don't know how to phrase this, but I wanted to try. Being afraid is normal, but letting that fear dominate you is dangerous and unhelpful. There is a phrase I keep in my mind at these times from a book I read:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain

That's from Dune and something I do think to myself often, but thanks for reminding me of it Pellicle. Frank Herbert wrote a lot of truths in his book.

 

[Paleowoman]

If you can, try to get excited about the ultimate outcome, which is that you will feel MUCH better than you do right now…...Maybe isolating what you're afraid of and then addressing that will help.

But I already feel much better than I've felt for years and years. Because I was diagnosed about seven years ago with both diabetes and osteoporosis I made major lifestyle changes then and I feel fitter and stronger than I felt even when I was in my 20s and 30s when we're supposed to be at our peak ! My stenosis isn't giving me any symptoms at all - if it were then I think it might be a little easier - as Debbie wrote. Discussing this with my GP yesterday, I think it's that I think I fear that I will never get back the same strength and fitness after surgery. Though using logic I know that my current good fitness should help me recover. I do meditate, but it doesn't seem to help with this - trying low dose lorazepam again despite side effects……I'm going into hospital on the afternoon of the day before surgery and am having surgery in the afternoon - not happy about that either, being in hospital for 24 hours before. They can't change to the morning.

 

[OldManEmu]

mbeard I think you have captured how I felt with my first surgery

I think it is fear of the unknown, and also feeling out of control.

With my redo I knew what to expect, my only concern was the remote possibility of a stroke with surgery. I was never concerned with death as this shall come to all of us in the end and there are far worse alternatives than a peaceful death not waking up from surgery. Before my first surgery I experienced class IV heart failure and this is bad, I wouldn't want to endure this until death.

 

[pellicle]

death as this shall come to all of us in the end and there are far worse alternatives than a peaceful death not waking up from surgery.

I have wanted to say fairly much exactly this many times in the past, but typically others can say (with support) what if said by me gets sledged. Thanks for saying what I also wanted to say.

 

[chaidell]

You are very lucky that you're Asymptomatic. You will bounce back very quickly and all your anxiety will disappear!

 

[tom in MO]

If it fits your world paradigm, I would suggest prayer. Mindful prayer and rote prayer are very helpful in coping with fear and anxiety. For myself, I say the rosary in my head using my fingers to count. Prayer helps you reach a place of peace, whether in God, inside you or with the universe.

From reading your posts, since you are asymptomatic, it seems you have trouble believing the surgery is needed now. I had the same problem. What turned my head was reading a paper on deaths from BAV (our valve problem.) The age ranged from 16 to 80 with the median at 54 (my age at surgery.) This pushed me over the edge and into acceptance. I realized that I was "average" for a BAV, but also that each one of the ~100deaths were preventable if caught and treated in time.

I then had an episode of dizziness and acceptance went to happiness that I had time to have christmas and spend some time with my family before I started the adventure. I wanted the surgery to live. While waiting, when I started dwelling on the fear, I would go do something with my dog, kid or spouse. Try to find distractions that are supportive.

 

[Paleowoman]

If it fits your world paradigm, I would suggest prayer. Mindful prayer and rote prayer are very helpful in coping with fear and anxiety. For myself, I say the rosary in my head using my fingers to count. Prayer helps you reach a place of peace, whether in God, inside you or with the universe.

From reading your posts, since you are asymptomatic, it seems you have trouble believing the surgery is needed now. I had the same problem. What turned my head was reading a paper on deaths from BAV (our valve problem.) The age ranged from 16 to 80 with the median at 54 (my age at surgery.) This pushed me over the edge and into acceptance. I realized that I was "average" for a BAV, but also that each one of the ~100deaths were preventable if caught and treated in time.

I then had an episode of dizziness and acceptance went to happiness that I had time to have christmas and spend some time with my family before I started the adventure. I wanted the surgery to live. While waiting, when I started dwelling on the fear, I would go do something with my dog, kid or spouse. Try to find distractions that are supportive.

I do follow a technique which is meditation/sort of prayer but not traditional to any particular God, I listen to music a lot - Bach cantatas I find very meditative actually as well as the most wonderful music. I'm listening a lot of the time as it helps.

It's true I find it difficult to accept that now is the right time - was discussing this with my GP yesterday. I know that it's best to do this before I'm symptomatic, I need to remind myself of that.

And I will enjoy Christmas with my family !

 

[Rachel]

I can assure you that the idea that we have some control over our lives is an illusion. Rest assured that you're in good hands and that you will be ok

Totally agree with that, brother!!!

To Anne,

I think that this is one of the many reasons why I feel such a kinship towards others who "have been there" you know? Ultimately we are very fortunate to not only be eligible for this life saving surgery, but we also get to experience things that rarely cross most people's minds - like trusting total strangers (our doctors) and the extreme gratitude that comes from knowing we have a second chance....not everyone gets one you know?

Feeling your strength in spite of your fear - not everyone gets to have that experience to the degree that we go through. It's a gift.

My life changed for the better through my OHS experience - I became more open, more grateful, less worried about the silly stuff I used to worry about - no doubt it's a process and yes I was afraid too before my surgery (mostly of leaving my loved ones behind) AND I remember the WTF thoughts that went through my head - I didn't have symptoms either - but that's all part of the journey - the gift - and I wouldn't trade that experience or my poor little old heart for anything in the world!!!

I wish you peace

 

[Guyswell]

When I was waiting for my re-operation about 1.5 years ago, I was starting to worry that my condition would worsen too quickly and I would have to change my travel plans. At that point, the surgery was scheduled, the time off from work had been prearranged, and the plane tickets were bought. I wasn't worried about surviving the surgery or suffering some terrible complication. I always trusted that the surgery would turn out fine. I was just worried that my symptoms seemed to be getting worse and I didn't want to change my plans.

One day, I was sitting at my desk here at work, worrying about things when I heard a very clear voice say "trust God". I'm not one who normally hears voices, and I didn't think for a minute it was someone else in the room or just my imagination. My reaction to the voice was immediate. I instantly felt calm and remembered that I have always been able to trust in God. Throughout my life, there have been many good times and some challenging times as well but I know that God has always been there for me. I may not have known what was coming next, but God always knew. I hope you can come to the same understanding and find the same peace that comes from this realization. You're in my prayers today.

 

[Paleowoman]

Thank you everyone.

You know I'm feeling so much better this afternoon. I don't exactly know why but I would guess it is something to do with the fact that we can, on this forum, express and discuss things very openly with each other, knowing that we're with others who are or who have been experiencing similar. This is nothing like any other of life's challenges. I'm so glad and thankful to be on this forum !

 

[Lucky]

Hi Anne,
When I thought I would need a 2nd OHS sooner rather than later earlier this year my initial thoughts were I don' think I can do that again!
Then i thought about it more rationally, and realised yes I could.
Yes you have to be focused,
Yes you have to be brave
Yes you need to do what the staff ask of you
but
They are doing this day in and day out and appreciate your fears and will help you every step of the way.
So keep doing your meditation,that breathing will help later when you need to rest.
Take care
Adrienne

 

[Jkm7]

If you find you have too much anxiety, there is nothing wrong with asking your doctor for Rx for something to help you through. This is the sort of situation for which those medications are made.

 

[pellicle]

That's from Dune and something I do think to myself often, but thanks for reminding me of it Pellicle. Frank Herbert wrote a lot of truths in his book.

Its a good book, isn't it
I also like Robert Heinlein too, I don't know if your a reader but reading and thinking of other things might be the trick. I see from your profile pic you are on a hill side. Perhaps you could use the time to plan some hikes there for when you get out?

My advice is to leave the job to the professionals and focus on something else.