Encouragement

[tlhudson]

I'm worried about my wife. I have an upcoming mitral valve repair.

Chris E. is already the primary care giver for her parents and now I'm burdening her with this.

Any words of encouragement would be very much appreciated.

I know I'm turning into a grouch (scared) but it's not intentional but hard.

Pray for her to have the stength needed!!

 

[Simon Gee]

information is the key!

information is the key!

Hi Ter,

both of you need to be as well prepared as you can before your surgery, because my own view is that this is the worst time for a partner. After the operation, they are able to give practical care and support, beforehand it's all the great unknown.

I had an AVR in October 2000, and used this and other splendid websites to make myself as well informed as I could be. I thought that my wife was well infomed too, but I shall never forget the look of fear on her face as I was wheeled away to the operating theatre. A loved one is always going to be worried when their partner undergoes a major operation, but it's better that than losing them altogether. And don't forget, your upcoming MVR is not your 'fault', you're not burdening your wife by choice! Besides, if your requirements post surgery are like mine were, you won't take up too much of her time. I got so fed up waiting for a cup of tea I starting making them myself again pretty quickly!!!

Good luck,

Simon

 

[Ross]

It will be handled superbly. I got to the point of continuous worry and it wasn't doing anyone any good. I decided, as did my wife, that it was time to let go and let God. Accept the outcome, whatever it may be. The worry thing will drive you and her to insanity. I know it's rough not to worry, but place it in faith and let it go.

 

[hensylee]

Dear Ter - I think you are suffering that 'old guilt thing' that many of us do. The surgery, if you have a spouse or SO, is a joint effort between the two of you and the staff that will help you. Possibly, YOU may feel that Chris E. is being dragged along by you whether she wants to go or not - ain't so. It's a very willing thing on the part of your SO. When my Joe was so ill, so was I. And your Chris E is the same. So, since you already have so much on your plate to worry about, leave this one outside your door. If you were to ask Chris E about this you would see that I am right and it is NOT the burden you believe it is. When I got home, I would rise early and my nurse cousin/husband were still sleeping. I would wander around (close enough so they could hear if I needed them), make coffee, read the paper, watch TV and generally amuse myself. You will not bring very much extra work to her. She will be just fine and wouldn't have this any other way - believe me. Just ask the other SOs in here. God bless

 

[Nancy]

Ok Ter-

I think I can help you out here and there are many others who can as well. I've seen my husband through about a bazillion serious medical things, including several heart surgeries, 2 lung surgeries, a bout of serum sickness, a gallbladder surgery gone bad, and an undefined extremely high temperature requiring a long hospital stay. Joe has a pacemaker, and also has CHF, afib, cardiac cirrhosis and pulmonary hypertension. He's still here and yesterday he was outside doing battle with the leaves (it's fall here) using the leaf blower and raking. Today we're going shopping and out to lunch. So life goes on. You will recover from this surgery and you will be OK, and so will your wife.

The most important thing to remember is that the human body has miraculous powers of healing.

The next most important thing to remember is that the surgeons who do cardiothoracic surgery are among the most highly trained. They are very serious about what they do. They are inside people's hearts fixing things many times a week. They have seen every heart problem and know what to do for each condition. They have at their fingertips the best surgical team and the best aftercare team. Nothing will be left to chance and I promise you that these are doctors who "read the whole chart" and will do a very thorough preparation for your surgery.

\You will be well taken care of in the hospital and will have your pain well managed. You will be up and walking within the first 24-48 hours and will probably be home in 4-7 days.

It's true there is a healing and recovery phase afterwards, but you would expect that with any surgery. Most people can go back to work in about 6 weeks, some have gone sooner.

This surgery is done to save your life and to improve the quality of life.

It's normal to be scared and apprehensive prior to the surgery, everyone is.

If your wife would like to send me a message have her join the site and she can send me a private message. Even better, have her join and post her concerns. She'll have lots of friends who understand, right here. She should learn how to post anyway, so she can let us know how things went.

 

[Granbonny]

Outside help?

Outside help?

Hi Ter, Does Cris E. have any siblings that could take over helping with her parents for 2 weeks? (About the length of time you will need her)...The key is to try to be prepared for after surgery recovery at home..correct sleeping arrangements, weekly medicine box for a.m and p.m. meds so you will not forget...Lots of juices..place to walk, walk, walk,....and soon you will be able to help yourself. You will do fine. Bonnie

 

[Michelle]

Hi Ter,
I so very much agree with what everyone else has said to you. Send her here..... I just wanted to add my own experience to the list. When Hank's surgery was over and he was home. I WANTED to help. Finally I could do something to help him.... The first 3 or 4 nights home I would set my alarm to get up in the night and bring him his pain meds ( he slept on the couch because the bed was not comfortable for him that first week ) It was a little tiring but doing so helped me work thru my emotions. First of all I wanted to make sure he was still alive.... before surgery we both were sorta just propelled along by circumstances beyond our control. trying not to scare eachother while at the same time supporting eachother. but after the surgery, they send ya home ( it was like being sent home with your first baby. no instructions... ) we had so many concerns and fears and suddenly all the hoopla surrounding us was over and it was just us ( oh ya and the 4 kids ) I was happy to help him, and it really didnt last for long.. recovery really is miraculously fast.

Your wife does have the added responsibility of her parents and certainly if that could be lessened during this time that would be best, but if not, she can do it.... and the way you handle things can go a long way in how easy it is for the both of you. Try to appreciate her. You will run a gamut of emotions too and that is to be understandable, but You are aware of it now and that is so wonderful.

Hold her hand, tell her you love her and be a good patient. Then when you are up and about again, take her to dinner and tell her you love her again!

Best of luck!

 

[tlhudson]

Thank You

Thank You

This is Chris E. I just want to say "Thank You" for all your support and prayers. Ter and I are going thru some pretty tough times...I have my parents to think about too...I'm the primary care giver with Parkinson's and Alzheimers with my parents..but as you have all said....say and put it in the Lord's hands.... I know HE will take care of both Ter and my self. I tried to get "connected" on this site and something went awray....but you all have been so great for Ter !! I feel like I know you all !! Thanks again and please take care of my Ter Bear for me !!

 

[Nancy]

Hi Chris E.-

I saw that you became a member, so you're "connected". Welcome, and we hope to hear more from you in the near future. We're all your friends too, so take advantage. We'll do our best to help you both through this difficult spot in your life.

 

[wlaldridge]

Hi Chris E.

I think in order to log in with your user name you will have to go the bottom and "log out" first. Using the same computer as Ter the "cookies" log in the last person who was logged in on that computer.

Welcome to the site, great people here know how hard this is for you and your family. Don't hesitate to log in and just vent or ask questions. We will at least offer our thought and prayers for everything to work out well for you all.

Best wishes,

Bill

 

[hensylee]

Mornin, Chris E - you have a job on your hands caring for your parents. My brother has Parkinson's and is in assisted living. Boggles the mind, doesn't it? I found a site that you might want to at least look in on - it's called Parkinson's Care Forum - do a search and you will find it. It's kinda like this one - caregivers swapping information. We do have one Parkinson patient, tho and he sets us straight all the time.

Welcome to VR - great spot for info and support. God bless

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Chris E and Ter....I find absolutely amazing the strength one has getting through this surgery and post op. You will BOTH get through it and Rossman is right, God will provide. You certainly have alot on your plate, Chris E, but when things are done from love, there's always a bit more to give--I know that to be true. It would be wonderful if you could have some assistance with your parents for the first two weeks post op, can you possibly cook and freeze foods now and then just bring them out to defrost? I certainly would try to get as much done preop as possible, if you can. Ter is there to help you with that. What about a neighbor near your parents?? At least every other day might definitely help. Could you reschedule any drs. appts, etc., for 2 weeks post surgery? Just some suggestions to possibly make things better and easier for you.

Evelyn