Let me see if i got this right. You have questions and your Dr either won't speak with you or is not being informed by his staff that you want to speak with him. The fact that you even volunteered to make an appointment should have been more than enough to get access.
This is unacceptable.
Either from his staff or from the Dr. In fact if I was the Dr. and my staff acted this way I would want to know about it.
It seems to me you've tried several times and have been polite. It's time to start demanding answers. You can still be polite.
You have every right to have your questions and concerns addressed. When you go to the hospital I'll bet you a $100 that you'll get a packet and in it will be some type of Patient's Bill of Rights. I copied the following from NIH, a hospital website that came up when I did a google search on Patient's Bill of Rights. Here it is: "#4. The patient has the right to receive from his or her physician information necessary to give informed consent prior to the start of any procedure or treatment. Except in emergencies this will include, but not be limited to, a description of the specific procedure or treatment, any risks involved, and the probable duration of any incapacitation. When there are alternatives to therapeutically designed research protocols, the patient has the right to know about them. The patient also has the right to know the name of the person responsible for directing the procedures or treatment."
All hospitals I've seen have something similar.
I'd call up and tell his assistant that you're thinking of canceling your scheduled operation because you have questions and concerns that have not been addressed. Tell her you want an appointment to further discuss your options. If she won't do it, tell her you want to tell the doctor personally why you are canceling the procedure. If she still holds up the firewall it's time for you to turn up the heat; ask her the spelling of her name so when you write your letter of complaint to the State's Medical Professional Conduct Board you'll have it correctly. ( All states have them by one name or another). This is not being antagonistic. You have been polite and patient. Someone is not doing their job. If this still doesn't get you through to the doctor or at least a PA send him a registered letter stating politely your frustration and concerns and ask him to please contact you. If he doesn't, send off that complaint letter to your state's medical board and find another doctor. If it's actually the doctor who doesn't want to talk to you then I wouldn't want him operating on me anyway.
You need to be an advocate for yourself. It's your body and your life. I hope you get your concerns addressed. This time is stressful enough without medical insensitivity. Research as much as you can and type out your questions and have them with you for your conversation with the doctor. Good Luck and take care of yourself.
Jeff