crying and scared

[punkin32180]

Well here it is a day and a half away and I sit here at 220am worried as hell and cant stop crying.. I did all my preop this morning and all blood work and everything came back good so I am all set, but then they took me to CVICU and I kinda got to look inside but coulndt go in and just looking in there seeing one of the patients scared the hell out of me seeing all the tubes and everything hooked up to him.... But I did talk to the surgeon today and he just reassured me everything would go ok and I know it probably will but Im scared and I just feel like a baby sitting here crying... but I guess that would be expected.. they might take me to a loony bin if i were excited for the surgery.. its all so real now though since its only a day and a half away.. and to be exact 30 and a half hours... thats too short for me... and i read all the time about how many people make it through surgery and yet i still sit here and think something will go wrong... I do things to keep my mind off of it and it still seems to come to me anyhow.. ah well... I will post tomorrow to say my goodbyes for the 5-7 days that I am gone... Much love, Jaque

 

[Johnny Stephens]

The waiting has to be the most stressful thing we have to go through. It's completely normal to feel like crying - so don't diminish yourself for the natural emotional release. Jaque, those of us who've been where you are now can completely relate to how you're feeling! I'm a first-class worrier, and I got through it.

I remember the last few days before surgery as a very surreal experience. Particularly at night - for me that is always the hardest time, as my brain zeroes in on all the negative things. Then, when I get up in the morning and get busy and distracted, I often feel much better.

Put a positive spin on it - you're that much closer to getting fixed up and feeling better. Easier said than done, I know .......

Take care - I'm sure things will go fine for you.

Johnny

 

[Marge]

Jaque, I coiuldn't sleep that well tonight & got back on the puter, and found myself crying when I read your post. I WISH I could think of some magic words to make it better for you.

You are going through the worst right now. Hang in there, girlfriend.

IT WILL GET BETTER. You HAVE to believe this.

I guess I am glad they didn't take me to see the CVICU as they did you. I kind of wanted to, but I guess it is not part of my hospital's procedure, and I am the better for not seeing it ahead of time.

Take my word, when you are actually there in CVICU, it is not so bad: you have an incredible sense of being surrounded by so much care -- at least I did. I felt that "these wonderful folks are NOT going to let anything bad happen to me." I had such a feeling of security and confidence and love there that when they finally told me they were going to take me to the step-down unit, I didn't want to go, and asked, couldn't they please keep me just a little longer? It may look bad to see somebody with all those tubes, but when you actually are on the tube yourself, it is not bad at all. (And I was one of the ones who were most terrified of the tubes ahead of time, as my old posts show.)

 

[Abbanabba]

I'm sending you a great big cyber-hug OOOOOOOO.

Maybe you could talk to your doctor about giving you something to calm your nerves. I know plenty of people need a little help to get them through those last days before going in for something as scary as this.

Hang in there... it'll all be over before you know it.

Best wishes
Anna : ) OOOOOOOO

 

[Ross]

Awe Grasshopper you will do fine. Do not fret so. It all looks so much worse then it really is. Soon you'll be crying because your all fixed up and overjoyed!

I'm not making fun of you. I've walked that line twice now, so I know where your coming from.

 

[EVELYN]

Jaque

Johnny Stephens said it best: THE WAITING IS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH. He's absolutely right!!!

Please don't feel as though you're any different from anyone else here on this forum....we've all been through it....either from the standpoint of patient or loved one.

You WILL be fine, and believe me, it will work out ok....Just remember Dory's words in FINDING NEMO....."KEEP ON SWIMMING, KEEP ON SWIMMING, SWIMMING, SWIMMING!!!!"

In my prayers as of today....Raverlaw's out because he's home and doing well.....you're in.

Evelyn

 

[tommy]

Hang in there, Jaque. We are all pulling for you. You will do great!

 

[Tom F.]

Hang in there, because YOU WILL BE OK! It is very hard getting close to the surgery day, tension, fear, all very natural. But you really will be just fine!

 

[Gemma]

Jaque,
sending you a great big hug from England too - that's 3 continents of hugs now!!
The waiting is the worst thing in the world, worrying doesn't help but there's no way in the world not to.
When my boyfriend Jim was admitted to hospital the night before his AVR surgery, I cried all night then woke up after about 2 hours sleep to realise he was about to go into surgery. He, meanwhile, was woken up to get his pre-meds, which made him sleepy again, had the operation and he says he hardly remembers being in ICU at all. The first thing he really remembers is the following day when he was on the main ward and had all tubes except the pacing wires and a drip removed. By my reckoning your surgery is in the morning? Best to get it over early in the day, no time for worrying then.
Anyway, my point? It is scary, terrifying even, but you WILL GET THROUGH IT Instead of counting the hours till the surgery, try adding on 3 or 4 hours - that's when your new life with your brand new fixed-up heart begins

Gemma

 

[Nancy]

Hi Jaque-

Your feelings are absolutely normal. It can be a very scary sight to see someone hooked to all that "stuff". I know because I have seen my husband several times in that condition.

But you know what? All of those tubes and gizmos are for keeping you safe. They are your protectors while your body is weak from surgery. They will make sure that you can breathe, and that all of your other body systems work the way they're supposed to. So think of them as your great big electronic body guards. They'll have their little metal and plastic "arms" wrapped around you taking care of you while you sleep and get stronger. They'll be gone soon enough and remember the whole experience of the ICU usually only lasts for a day or so, and then you'll be in a regular room and sitting up and walking. And then soon after that, you'll be home again.

You'll be fine.

 

[Glenda]

Jaque, my prayers are with you and God's arms will be around you. I haven't been through this surgery but I've been through many others and it amazes me how well the staff looks after you.
Good luck to you. You'll do great.!

 

[xtremlee]

Good luck Punkin. I wont be far behind you I got that feeling.
You can then reasure me. God Bless
Lee

 

[Raverlaw]

Jaque,

It will be OK! You really should just relax today. Look around you at all of the wonderful things in the world. Be thankful for them and know that they'll all be waiting for you when you wake up. What ever you do, don't spend your last day watching TV - it is all so negative and depressing. Go for a walk outdoors, instead!

You will not remember a thing about the surgery. It's like a 8-10 hour hole in your life; Really! First you're laying there, waiting for them to get you ready, and the very next thing you know, you're done and in the ICU.

The people in the ICU have but one job - to keep you alive! They take SUCH good care of you it is impossible to describe. I may have Sandy post on this - she came in and watched immiediately post surgery while I was having some issues and things weren't too smooth. She left, since it was difficult for her to watch, but was able to go back out to the waiting room KNOWING that the ICU staff knew what they were doing and weren't going to let me down. By the time you're awake, things will have stabilized quite a bit and you can't do anything but RELAX to help the team do their job. Close your eyes and visualize whatever it is that makes you at peace!

On the day after surgery, you will be uncomfortable until the drain tubes are removed. You can have as much pain medication as you want - tell them you hurt and they will take care of it. When they ask you if you're in pain, don't try to be tough, just say yes and they'll fix it for you.

Here's a thought - your time in ICU will be one of the few times where you can have someone waiting on you hand and foot, and who will literally do whatever you ask. Lay back and enjoy it. As Marge related, having to leave the ICU to a step down room will be sad for you, even though it means you're doing well!

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you head in. We're all thinking of you - you are not alone - and the power of that collective energy is as immense as it is mysterious. Good luck!

 

[2hartsas1]

Jaque

Jaque

I wanted to tell you that it was very natural for you to be afraid and that you could look to your higher power now for guidance and strength and that in all honesty, you are going to be JUST FINE!!!!!
BUT! I see so many good hearts have reached you first and in much more powerful words than I could ever muster....
SO! I will be looking for your first post surgery thread!
(you'll be complaining by then about drafty hospital gowns and the like )
And take these with you:
((((((((((Jaque))))))))))
~Shirley (& Victor)