Can Depression Still Be a Problem after 1 1/2 years post OHS?

[tex]

I agree with what Westie has said, i was so down when i had my VR, i sat here for months feeling sorry for myself getting more down by the minute, i couldnt go back to my job as a nursery nurse in a special school, i worked with students that had severe behavior problems, i worked here for 28 years, i thought it was the end of world, a number of people on this forum offered me advice along with a councillor which i had started seeing, and guess what im starting a nail and beauty course in 2 weeks time, a complete change of career which i cant wait for, having this operation has changed my life, and everyday i thank god im alive. I am now 46 years old and just about to embark on my career change and you know what i cant wait.
I hope you work things out, lifes to short to be as unhappy and depressed as you are.
Take Care
Jane

 

[Lynlw]

Chris:

I agree that with Lynlw that you should change counselors. Another counselor may have different insight. Perhaps checking a medical school to see if there's someone on staff who has a private practice would also be a resource and may know of some new research.

Good luck to you, Laura and your family. Chronic depression is a hard one to kick.

This post gave me an idea, perhaps you could call your cardiologist or surgeon and ask if they can recomend someone that has alot of experience dealing with post OHS people.

 

[tobagotwo]

My suggestion is a little different.

Get mad. Anger can be a tool to get past things. Depression is passive, anger is active. There is nothing like a good shot of adrenaline to get all your internal systems lined up in a row behind you. Get steamed up and do something for yourself. Anger brings strength and change, if channelled properly.

However, it needs to be finite, and directed at something external (being outside, railing against fate works fine on a good, rainy, windy day), and shouldn't involve other people.

Best wishes,

 

[hensylee]

and you are right on target, Bob. My ex who is a psychiatrist always said you can't be depressed and angry at the same time.

 

[Bridgette]

Westie, you said it mate!

Chris, when I said get a job, I too meant get ANY job, doesn't matter if it's not in your qualification area.

I'm a teacher, but in the past I've worked in a grocery store, stacking shelves and serving customers. Don't be too proud to do "menial" work. I wasn't, and you know what, your self esteem is better when you are earning, rather than brooding!
Bet you could find something if you got out there and really looked!

 

[Lisa in Katy]

I think this is the best advice ever!

"mate, dump the pills, the quacks, the touchy feely crap blah blah, all you need is hard work, some beers and some slap and tickle with yer missus."

 

[Philip B]

Depressed?

Depressed?

I'm often amazed to see people who expect things to change without doing anything differently.

Given a choice between the side effects of happy pills or those associated with living in a state of depression for a few years, I'd take my chances with the happy pills, but that's just me.

-Philip

 

[Marguerite53]

I found this description of Asperger Syndrome:

Children with AS learn to talk at the usual age and often have above-average verbal skills. They have normal or above-normal intelligence, and the ability to take care of themselves. The distinguishing features of AS are problems with social interaction, particularly reciprocating and empathizing with the feelings of others; difficulties with nonverbal communication (e.g., facial expressions); peculiar speech habits that include repeated words or phrases and a flat, emotionless vocal tone; an apparent lack of "common sense"; a fascination with obscure or limited subjects (e.g., doorknobs, railroad schedules, astronomical data, etc.), often to the exclusion of other interests; clumsy and awkward physical movements; and odd or eccentric behaviors (hand wringing or finger flapping; swaying or other repetitious whole-body movements; watching spinning objects for long periods of time).

Although less is known about adults with Asperger syndrome, they are often described as having rigid interests, social insensitivity, and a limited capacity for empathizing with others. However, many adults with Asperger have normal or even superior intelligence and can make great intellectual contributions due to their increased ability to focus and block out outside distractions. Many individuals are highly creative and excel in areas such as music, mathematics, and computer sciences. They tend to excel in fields that require little social interaction.

Most patients with AS have normal or above-normal intelligence, and are able to complete their education up through the graduate or professional school level. Many are unusually skilled in music or good in subjects requiring rote memorization. On the other hand, the verbal skills of children with AS frequently cause difficulties with teachers, who may not understand why these "bright" children have social and communication problems. Some children with AS are dyslexic; others have difficulty with writing or mathematics. In some cases, these children have been mistakenly put in special programs either for children with much lower levels of functioning, or for children with conduct disorders. Children with AS do best in structured learning situations in which they learn problem-solving and life skills, as well as academic subjects.

Adults with AS are productively employed in a wide variety of fields. They do best, however, in jobs with regular routines or jobs that allow them to work in isolation. Employers and colleagues may need some information about Asperger syndrome in order to understand the employee's behavior.

Individuals with Asperger syndrome often benefit from psychotherapy, particularly during adolescence, in order to cope with depression and other painful feelings related to their social difficulties.

I think Chris is living with serious issues. I'm glad that you come here, Chris, but I'm not sure how much more we can do but listen and support you. You probably need some good professional help. The right "cocktail" of medicines would seem to be very important; as would a therapist who is very well versed in your condition and personal experiences and medical history.

I like the idea of teaching online. I just took 9 hours of online classes and it was a lot of work! My teachers, well, I never saw them!! Mostly we communicated online. There was a forum so that "class" could have discussions. I know that the teachers had office hours, but I don't really think anyone actually went into any office of theirs! Talk to your local community college. There might be chemistry classes you could handle.

Good luck and I hope our caring about you is inspiring and useful.

Marguerite

 

[Duff Man]

I don't know if anyone's mentioned it, but beta blockade and / or other meds could be a cause...

 

[scotttnz]

yes, that is quite correct scott. we are from different parts of the universe

i went to kelston boys high school, the westie and rugby capital of the world. did you go to auckland boys grammer????

and good on you for going back to work; you will be the winner.

bet you found your first post op drive a bit hard

westie

Nah Macleans College.....almost as bad as Grammer, but not quite

My first drive was great! Even a Mondeo can be exciting to drive after 5 weeks of no driving. (Mind you it is the V6, and goes quite well when reved a bit)

 

[BubbaHooska]

Chris -

Yes, depression can be a real factor 1-1/2 years (or more) post OHS. I've been through exactly what you're going through.

With all due respect to those who are telling you to get a job, they may be making your depression worse without realizing it. With me, failure to work was NOT a cause of my depression ... it was a SYMPTOM. And when people jumped on my for sitting around doing nothing --"Bubba, you will feel so much beter about yourself if you just get out there and start producing" -- all that did was amp up my guilt level for not producing, which put me into a downward spiral. Noninterest becomes disinterest which becomes anti-interest.

Depression is unexplained, irrational sadness. The sadness can be mild to crushing and anything in between, and frequently is debilitating. If you graph your emotional ups and downs, you'll see that a depressed person, for some reason, has unusually deep troughs on the down side. So deep that they reflect a medically, biologically, chemically defective system. You simply cannot "pull yourself out of it" if you indeed are truly depressed. In that case, you need both medical help (antidepressants) AND counselling.

Antidepressants are not happy pills. They don't make you feel different. But they do elminate the bottomless pits of despair you feel. Just enough to allow you to think rationally about your situation. And then a counselor will help you bring your thinking back to center -- help you figure out what you actually think, what job to pursue, etc. And most importantly, how to enjoy life again.

Chris, the posters who have made suggestions on you how to fix your situation on your own have all admitted that they don't really understand your situation. I DO understand your situation. You need outside help. See a psychiatrist for medication, and see a psychologist for counseling. And do it now.

 

[BubbaHooska]

mate, dump the pills, the quacks, the touchy feely crap blah blah, all you need is hard work, some beers and some slap and tickle with yer missus.

When I was severely depressed, this is almost exactly what my dad said to me. As a result, an intervention was required to prevent a suicide.

Depression is a serious condition. If you don't know anything whatsoever about depression, you shouldn't give advice on how to cure it.

 

[Bob in Colorado]

My Best Wishes

My Best Wishes

This post caught me by surprise this early morning 7 days post op from a second heart surgery. First of all, my best wishes for you, depression can be absolutely overwhelming and OHS related depression is certainly very real.

But.. not knowing you Chris and having the background here that some seem to have I'll give you my reactions:

1) You are wasting the time and life that you have here and now. I think that you have given yourself more than enough time to deal with your depression.

2) I wonder how much if any of this is related to OHS

3) You do need CHANGE - definitely a new counselor and new approach

4) Get out of yourself and do something for others. You don't say if money is an issue and I doubt that it is given where you live and all that you seem to have. But I think you might benefit from other contact and sincerely trying to help other people - being volunteer work or just any outside employment where you can use your talents.

I know, easy for me to say. But you did ask and remenber what you paid for this "advice".

Sincerely all the best, but get moving and CHANGE something

Bob

 

[neil]

hi,yea depression is common after ohs,i cert suffered from it,my family and friends cert helped and even though now and again feel sorry for myself ( who doesnt)am doing great,but agree with bubba it sounds you got it preety bad,expert advice needed imo,very easy to say do this do that and you be fine,but clinical depression needs handling with care,am sure with the right backing you will see a light at the end of the tunnel,good luck and keep us informed,

 

[Alex B]

Not sure what kind of advice I have, but my wife has pretty much ignored that anything is wrong with me, she never mentions it, and it has kind of rubbed off on me, my thoughts lately don't include AVR and I feel like I'm moving on, albeit, quite slowly...

 

[Kathy McCain]

Chris,

I can not add much to what has already been said. You have some excellent advise!

I do feel for you though, I have been depressed myself since surgery. I do feel however, that you ABSOLUTLELY need something to focus on , besides your problems! No sarcasim intended, believe me. Like my surgeon said to me, "you have to move on down the line, and get on with your life!"

PLEASE DON'T STAY AWAY so long! We, at the forum, are here to help and support you as much as we can!

Take care

 

[PairoDocs]

I'm Not Intentionally Staying Away...

I'm Not Intentionally Staying Away...

Thanks everyone for your various philosophies and approaches. Yes, I admit that I'm a strange bird when it comes to the usual depression. I will again explain my state. People don't want even me to volunteer, as I tend to commit a lot of faux pas when with them.

For instance, for a few years I regularly visited a convalescent hospital, until the vast majority of the lucid patients told me they'd rather be lonely than have me visit them. I've not visited such a place in 20 years. I tried to get involved with the online education program at www.k12.com and they didn't want me far more recently. Diversified Fuels, an ethanol production place, wouldn't even return phone calls. Even with a shortage of science teachers locally, I'm not wanted. As for restaurant work, they'd take one look at me and my work history and wouldn't even consider me. Even if hired, they'd fire me hours later because I wouldn't fit in. Same with the local fish hatcheries and farms. I can drive tractors and farm equipment, but nobody wants me. So much for the "Kiwi" logic of pulling myself up by my bootstraps and getting a job and downing a few pints of beer to take edge off.

Just last week I took a nearly indigent friend with whom we shared a rock and mineral hobby to Virgin Valley to search for opals. He also had an aortic valve replacement and a portion of his aorta replaced about 4 months after my own OHS, but he doesn't do internet, so I was unable to convince him to join this group. The opal search was a success, though not out of this world. Suffice it to say I had to buy a much larger dome to display my wet opal finds this time than I did last year. I also found some nice dry opals with good play-of-color, and no crazing. This means if I were so inclined, I could make opal cabochons from these opals and possibly sell them for a few hundred dollars each.

My friend Chuck also found some nice opals. I thought all was well, but he didn't tell me that he didn't get any sleep because the noise of the AC fan. I didn't pick up on that--I just wore ear plugs. Then he told me strange Fortean stories (i.e. ancient advanced alien cultures interacting with Central American Indians, crashed UFOs, and the like), and I listened the best I could. Then the kicker: His best opals disappeared--kept in a separate large spice bottle supposedly in his bucket. When he discovered them missing (after we got home) he asked me "Would you happen to know what happened to them?" I took that to mean he thought I stole his opals after he rejected my suggested possible reasons for their loss (dropping the bottle, leaving it at the motel or the mine office, etc.). I paid for the trip, both his and my digging fee, and some of the meals, and perhaps he thought I took my "share" of the opals. I made a social error: I spoke with his 19 year old son and asked him why Chuck would think I would even remotely consider stealing his opals. I then made a visit to return a hat and a few opals he left behind, and he was very curt and distant with me. I had involved his son and had accused him of accusing me of stealing. This has pretty much ruined what could have been a productive mining partnership and friendship. I apologized, but he seemed pretty disinclined about accepting the apology. I then left, and haven't been back, and he hasn't called me. For all I know, he still had his opals and wanted an excuse to be rid of me. I even called Rainbow Ridge opal mine and the owner, Glen, called me back a couple of days later to tell me the jar was not found by him or any of the other miners in the days following our visit.

So you see that there's little hope for me, as working or volunteering involves people, and that's where I'm weakest. Nearly dying hasn't changed that one bit. I care, but I don't know how to show it. Maybe it's for the best that I stay away from here as well. My presence here merely takes attention away for far more deserving people who aren't stuck on "feeling sorry for themselves." I'm sorry I took up so much time and effort on the parts of folks here who think I deserve help. I don't, and I hope you can accept that. I certainly haven't earned it, and there are many here who have suffered through far worse problems than I did. I merely had a mitral valve repair, not a replacement, so maybe I don't belong here. After all, this isn't "valvesurgery.com" it's "valvereplacement.com." Nothing was replaced, just re-shaped and reinforced.

I appreciate the changing counselor advice, but there's nobody local who specializes in post OHS people, so I guess I'm stuck with my current one.

I may or may not be back, depending on how things turn out at home. I get the digests of posts on VR, so I'll read what anyone says. God let me have the opportunity to die back when I had the option of accepting surgery or not. Since I'm not a productive member of society, I should have just accepted God's offered gift, and not burden my poor overworked wife and my beleaguered children with the constant drain on their existences I now provide. I suspect that's why Laura doesn't even come near VR anymore--it reminds her too much of me. Again, sorry for the trouble my presence has caused on this forum, even if you've seen nothing else of me but my writing and a few pictures.


Chris

 

[tobagotwo]

Sorry. Not buying the God gave you a chance to die bit. God also gave you a chance to live. If it had been your time, you'd have gone on the table.

Nope. You're intended to continue. That means you need to keep searching.

Maybe you should consider animals. There are a lot of puppy mills that do terrible things to dogs. Maybe you could become a humane officer and rescue some of them, help find them homes, etc.

The opals sound like fun. I enjoy fossil-hunting myself, and have an interesting collection. I also have enjoyed rockhounding, mainly in the very interesting mineral areas of Franklin and Ogdensburg, NJ. My father was well-known in the mineral collection field, for both his collection and his technical writings.

Be well,

 

[Lionheart]

Chris,
I'm sorry that things don't seem to being going well right now. I feel that you have helped me and others with your past posts. To me, you are one of the regulars whose posts I can rely on for thoughtful and even advice. For that reason, I hope you stay around VR.com and continue to contribute.

Take care,
John

 

[Wise]

Sorry. Not buying the God gave you a chance to die bit. God also gave you a chance to live. If it had been your time, you'd have gone on the table.

Nope. You're intended to continue. That means you need to keep searching.

Maybe you should consider animals. There are a lot of puppy mills that do terrible things to dogs. Maybe you could become a humane officer and rescue some of them, help find them homes, etc.

The opals sound like fun. I enjoy fossil-hunting myself, and have an interesting collection. I also have enjoyed rockhounding, mainly in the very interesting mineral areas of Franklin and Ogdensburg, NJ. My father was well-known in the mineral collection field, for both his collection and his technical writings.

Be well,

Chris, listen to Bob. There's a lot of wisdom in his words.

Your words reveal that depression and self condemnation are talking and not the real Chris.

Retreating from this site is not a good idea. Yes, you need to take action and start on the road to living again. Depression will totally cut you off from your connections. It's my personal belief that God gives you those connections. Please don't discount them or yourself.

Wise