I'm still stunned..........and crying.........
I'm still stunned..........and crying.........
Well, where do I start? Sadly, I have come to know all too well that this earthly world of ours can be a very painful place to be...........and today is one of those days...........
I had a restless, uneasy feeling last night, and I couldn't really pinpoint the source. Yes, Katie's surgery is pending and then there's the MAW thing, but there just seemed to be another puzzle piece missing. I was grading papers and periodically checking the computer to see if there was a late night update from Nancy(PDHeart) on Bethany, like there usually is. The update never came, and Emma's last post yesterday was encouraging, so I tried to resign myself to the "no news is good news" philosophy. I finally went to bed at three a.m, tossed and turned for the next 3 &1/2 hours, then got up and went to work. I started to turn the computer on and check the mail before I left, but told myself I was being silly - that the last few posts were all good news, so I didn't.................
Then this afternoon, after he knew my students would be gone, Don called with the news about Bethany. He knew I would want to know, and would need some time to "adjust" to this latest tragic development. I oddly thanked him and then hung up the phone. I sat there for probably ten minutes...............just stunned. Then I became violently ill and felt like I was going to puke my guts up. (sorry to be so blunt) Then I bawled my eyes out for the next ten minutes or so. I finally gathered all of my stuff up and headed for home. I cried all the way home. Upon arriving home, I hugged Katie like I would never let her go - until she complained that I was squishing the "baby." Now, wading through all of your posts, I find myself in tears all over again.
God, I wonder if Dan and Jo will ever know how many lives throughout the continents their little girl has truly touched. I am devastated - as you/we all are. Our CHD heart family has been hit really hard over the last year and my heart aches for all of the children who have valiantly fought this battle and lost. I grieve for their parents who are putting up a good front and struggling to carry on. And I live in fear for all of our heart children who are still here fighting to survive and lead "normal" lives. Yes, I'm afraid that this old world of ours is all too frequently one immersed in pain..............
Emma, I can only send my love, prayers, and hugs to you. I know you are holding Chloe just a little bit tighter tonight. When you get a chance, could you relay the following to Dan? I'm afraid that his mailbox is probably full right now. Love and hugs. Janet
Dear Dan, Jo, and Jaysen, my words cannot begin to fill the deep, dark
void that has just consumed your lives, so I offer my love, prayers, and
heartfelt sympathy. While I can picture Bethany up in Heaven looking
around for some mischief to get into - or some unsuspecting angel's
panties to pull over her head - just like she used to with Jo's, I know
that doesn't alleviate the ache in your heart or the emptiness in your arms.
I am so sorry that you are living my worst nightmare.
Your precious little girl most definitely will be missed. We all love
you and are here for you if you need anything -- anything at all. Janet