Afraid To Live and Afraid To Die

[Kate]

Dear Jkn2kids,
I was also in your shoes until just recently (Had my 4.8 AAA and aortic valve fixed in September at age 38). My only suggestion is to follow the old AA advice about changing that which is in your control and trying to accept that which isn't. For me, when it became clear that I was going to need surgery sooner than expected, I did what I could to improve my surgical outcome - exercised as much as I was allowed, lost a few pounds, reduced the amount of alcohol that I was drinking and made sure I had the best surgeon my insurance would pay for. As far as accepting the part that can't be changed (the surgery and its chance - however slight - of death), I really believe there are things one can do to make that easier too. Many people have mentioned their faith as helping them, I used meditation and deep-breathing exercises, but I think anything that makes you feel calm inside - even for just a few minutes - will help. That might be getting out into nature, spending more time with your family, talking to a therapist, going fishing - whatever. This is a special time when you need to rely on your own knowledge of yourself and what works for you. I wish you the very best, Kate

 

[Marguerite53]

You're certainly not alone!

You're certainly not alone!

Hello. I'm waiting too. Nervewracking to say the least. At this point I'm only burdened with moderate aortic stenosis, but slowly approaching the severe mark.

It's odd that when I read your initial post here, I too was having one of those days. I just couldn't shake that doomsday feeling. the Why Me? The What If? You can really let it take hold. But that's just not a good ideal!! I like the ideas that everyone has posted. Of course, you are helping me because I get to read what they've said to you!!

I find that what I do is try to focus on how I'm feeling when I'm feeling optimisitic and positive about the situation. Like, thank goodness they CAN fix it! I just forget about the bad stuff and focus on the stuff I've come up with for me that is positive.

You might try looking to your kids. Children are just amazing sources of goodness and strength. They are so positive and full of life and the joy of the moment. They can have surprisingly deep insights to emotions, but you have to talk to them to find that out. Maybe gently sharing that you're having a sad day would bring some relief from those two darlings who are most precious to you.

(I think I've already shared this story.....) Long ago, when my oldest was 2 and I was 7 months pregnant with my second, we moved. I was unpacking one day and was suddenly overwhelmed and exhausted. I leaned on a wall, slid down to the floor and burst into uncontrollable tears. My little son came in to see what was the matter. He looked at me and I just shook my head and kept crying. He ran out of the room. Moments later he came back in with his blanket (his blankie). He came right up to me and handed it to me. Of course I started crying harder. Then he sat down next to me on the floor until I was better. Even a 2 year old can be helpful!

Look to your family. They are the reason you will make it through the wait and through the whole event. You can do this.

Marguerite

 

[Mary]

I like Laura's (LLJ) comparison of valve replacement surgery to boot camp. That pretty well explains the gist of the surgery experience.
It sure ain't fun, you sure don't want to go through it, but alot of people do and come out better for it.
Of course that also explains why no one welcomes the idea of going through it again!

 

[sylviayasgur]

hi jkn2kids,
i don't have much to add to what all have said here before me, but the waiting and anticipation is probably the worst part of this whole thing.

joey and i used diane tusek's guided imagery tapes (especially to help me sleep at night and relax in the day). you can check them out at:
http://www.guidedimageryinc.com/
also, try and keep busy and spend lots of family time together.

joey got to the point where he could hardly make it upstairs to our bedroom without stopping midway to catch his breath. this, after being an avid runner and biker for years, was a clear sign that it was time.

i hope it gets easier. we are all here for you.
be well,
sylvia

 

[linda janicki]

Life is Good Post-Op

Life is Good Post-Op

My husband is 6 week post op and we cannot believe the improvement in his stamina we both see everyday. Going into the surgery he felt at peace as his living during this this past year was becoming very tiresome for him. He feels he has been given the gift of another chance at life (he's 60 and except for a few days in hospital he said the pain wasn't nearly as bad as he expected.) Already, he's feeling better than he has in many years. He just wishes he had had it sooner. One bonus, no longer smoking and no desire to!

God bless you as you wait as it's the most difficult time.

Lin

 

[Guest]

LOL...I needed that laugh, Ross! But, if you only knew.... .

*sighs*


I've enjoyed reading the additonal posts for this thread ... some very good statements/observations and experience sharing in here .

Heh...and people wonder why I love to travel and meet people .


Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 32swm/pig valve/pacemaker
MC:family.IL.guide.future = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
chdQB = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/quilt.html
"How much longer will they be around?" ... Don Williams ... 'Old Coyote Town'

 

[aussigal]

I think Ross really does deserve the last say ...

after-all he IS the 5% that Blew-out and made it through the "dreaded-Surgery"...

I bet he wishes he was one of us "normal" ones

God Bless you Ross ...without you how many more of us would have made it into the 5% club?

I wish you strength, knowledge and comfort in your doctors. You will get through this just like I will manage to hang-in with the help and guidance of the wonderful people here at VR.com till they decide to Do-Me too.

 

[TomS]

Yup, it's a lousy deal, but as they say, "It is what it is". You can't change it, you can only choose whether to deal with it. I was in exactly the same boat. I had the operation with the following inspirations: 1. You could have just dropped dead without ever knowing. You have been given an opportunity to be able to do something about it. Consider yourself actually very lucky that you know. 2. I read on this forum a quote from someone saying that it wasn't a bad diagnosis to get. I didn't appreciate it when I first read it, but thought about it quite a bit as I made surgery plans. To paraphrase, he said; "Wait, you're telling me that I could die any minute, but I can do something about it, and that the operation has a 99.3% survival rate, AND afterwards I will be completely fixed - Other than knowing (see 1 above) where is the bad news?" An awful lot of other people are hearing a much worse story every day.

 

[Curtsmum]

I too am afraid of my son having surgery and the after affects living on warfarin but i would much rather that life, than no life. As all the others have said i find the waiting hard, you get to much time to think about it all. After the surgery you just deal with it. Take care Paula x

 

[Georgia]

I'll repeat what I've said on here before: I don't consider this heart problem anywhere near the worst deal life can dish out. I had breast cancer 15 years ago, and would gladly have a couple more ohs's rather than a recurrence of that little monster!

Of course, we can't choose what afflicts us; basically all we can do is pray for the strength to endure it and the luck to have a good outcome. And hope we can do it all with courage and grace. And a few meltdowns.

And thank God for this site where meltdowns and successes are welcomed and support and wisdom prevail.

 

[jkn2kids]

I want to thank all of you for your kindness and wisdom.We live this life(especially us men)believing we are invincible until something like this comes along and makes us very humble.There is a greater knowledge in knowing what you're facing as opposed to the unknown.I gather a lot of strength from all of your encouragement and understanding.It's nice to know there are others in the same boat as you and have "been there done that." I don't mean that I'm glad there are others but that it helps to talk to someone who has followed before you.Once again,Thank you for all of your graet responses.I will try to go forward with much more strength thanks to all of your support.Also,my wife has been a wonderful companion and outlet for me during this trying time.She has been 100% behind everything I want to do in regards to this problem.