9 days to go. How do I cheer my parents up?

[TenPly]

Ok, funny story (to me, at least).

Today is exactly 9 days left until my surgery on Sep. 1st. Last night, I went into my parents' room and, with some over-the-top enthusiasm, began counting down from 10 to 1. New Years Eve style.

They didn't like that. I asked them, I was like, "My operation is only a few days away, aren't you excited?!" and their response was no! I was like, "Why aren't you excited? That's gonna be a life-changing day. It's epic."

My dad said he's not excited, only anxious. My mom told me not to count the days, and to just let it happen.

I understand they're nervous. To be honest, it's probably gonna be harder for them because they'll be AWAKE while I'm fast asleep in the operating room. What can I do to cheer my parents up in the meantime?

 

[Big-Chuck]

bryan

bryan

I dont know if this will sound silly or not but the best thing you can do for your parents is pray for them and for a peace in their hearts about your operation. Dont let them know tho. Keep it between God and you. I have seen miracles thru the power of prayer. And be at peace in your own heart. God is in control!!!!! Oh boy is He ever!

 

[Nancy]

Bryan-

You know what? I like your style. I believe you are thinking that this is the transformation you have been wanting for a long, long time.

Your parents are scared out of their wits. I know I've been there with Joe. He's had 5 thoracic surgeries. His first one, I wasn't witness to, but all the others, I have helped him through.

Pre-surgery is so scary. But I did a ton of research on everything that was going to happen, and that helped. I also focused on the future, after surgery, when I would be able to help Joe recover. I planned what things I could do to help, and sort of glided over the "icky" phase of the actual surgery and hospital time. I was there for him in the hospital every minute that I possibly could. That helped me and helped him as well.

If your parents view this surgery as something that will give you back your life and quality of life, it will help tremendously.

Keeping a sense of humor, as dark as it sounds, during this anxious period of time also helps. That is why I like your attitude. You are happy about getting fixed up and are trying to assuage your parent's anxiety.

Best wishes. Keep your spirits up. That's what will get you through.

 

[hensylee]

We are excited for you. Mom and Dad are scared to death - you will find this out when you become a parent yourself. None of us can explain it to you but it is true - they are frightened. Please allow them this.

We, on the other hand, know what you are about to go through. You will have a healthier and happier life on the other side of this great and awesome mountain you are about to climb. Be excited - go in with all the enthusiasm you now have, knowing that you are going to be a whole new person later on. At least that's what happens to most of our members.

But Mom and Dad are a whole other story and we know that story, too. Let 'em be.

Blessins............ and GODSPEED!

 

[Lynlw]

Hi I know how your parents feel, my Mom has had heart surgery and my son has had 4 OHS and a few other surgeries, and from most people I talk to handing your child over for major surgery, no matter how old they are, is one of the worst feelings. but it has to be done, and all you wish was that is was you instead of your child going thru it. If you think your parents would like to email me, feel free to give my info, or they maty just want to block it from their thoughts since it is so hard to think about, everyone deals w/ it a little differently, but from reading your post, you remind me alot of Justin, sometimes I feel like he is trying to protect me, so doesn't share his fears until after the surgery and I do know I wished he didn't have to feel that way. Maybe you could think of a fun way for you and your parents ot spend a day together, to take their minds off the surgery and focus on how Blessed they are to have you now, Lyn www.caringbridge.org/nj/justinw

 

[TenPly]

Thanks everyone for your input!

Big-Chuck: I most certainly agree with you there.

Nancy: My parents haven't been to this website (even though I gave it to them), and they only know what I've told them about the surgery. We've had maybe 3 or 4 talks where I would go over different things with them and explain the operation to them. They'll listen, but they don't do their own research. I think they're still trying to grasp the reality of it all.

hensylee: Thank you. See, that's what I think about. I think about what life will be like after I recover. I like the way that sounds!

Lynlw: Lyn, thank you for that. Sometimes I ask myself if my enthusiasm is really me just trying to keep my mom and dad from worrying. But I know it's not...they already saw me cry my "woe is me" tears when I first found out the news. After that, I decided I wasn't going walk in fear, because I know I'm going to be alright. I think we'll take your advice and spend some quality time before I go into the hospital.

 

[Karlynn]

I understand your enthusiasm totally. When my surgery was finally schedule my bro-in-law said "Gosh, you'd think you just won a free trip to the Carribean!" But I felt like $#*& prior to my surgery and was really looking forward to feeling good again. Because my husband, parents and family saw how awful I felt, they were happy too that it was approaching. But they were also anxious.

If your parents don't see much negative with how you feel right now, they aren't in the frame of mind that they think "Thank God he's getting this fixed." Instead, they just see that an otherwise healthy looking young man is undergoing a serious surgery. Even having been through this life-saving surgery myself, I think I would probably feel better about one of my children having the surgery if I saw that they were physically suffering from it. But the hitch is that visible symptoms mean the recovery may be longer. It's truly a catch-22 for parents.

 

[Nancy]

Hi Bryan's parents-

We would love to have you come to the site and join our little group. There are many people here, myself included, who have helped a loved one go through this surgery. And you can hear it from the very lips of those who have had the surgery themselves. We can ease your bumpy road a little, give you hints about how to survive the waiting room, how to survive seeing your son in the ICU, and how to help him right after surgery, in the hospital and when you have him at home for the first time.

So come on in and we'll be your friends.

 

[afraidofsurgery]

I can relate

I can relate

I can relate - my mom is freaking out about the surgery and I'm pretty matter of fact about it. But it's true - she'll be awake, I'll be asleep. I think it has a lot to do with her mom dying of heart failure (bad valve, pre-replacement days) and my dad go through open heart surgery. I'm hoping this will be a much more positive experience for her. My dad was 76 when he had his surgery and was a bit unstable for a few years afterwards.

I say stay positive - might be contagious for them!

Patty

 

[Superbob]

Bryan,

As a parent (and grandparent) I can relate to your parents totally. When there's nothing to worry about, I invent things to worry about when it comes to the children. I would be freakin' out if they were scheduled for surgery.

But I like your attitude and I applaud it -- it IS a life-changing event, a way to correct problems and get on with a good life. Just be sensitive to your folks -- they can't help being nervous.

Godspeed to you!

 

[Ross]

I guess I have nothing to add here. Everyone has pointed it out already. Good Journey my friend. Ma and Pa will be ecstatic when your out of the OR and on your way to recovery. They really should stop in here and get the 411 from those that have been there and done it already, not from so called research literature.

 

[Marguerite53]

Good luck to you!

Good luck to you!

Bryan. You have a great attitude!!!! I am the parent of an 18, 20 and 23 year old. If it were any of them, I would be having a very difficult time coping with my anxiety. I think that you understand that and your maturity and grace about them is truly commendable.

To be sure, your parents are feeling enormous pride in you for taking this event head on and being a leader and optimistic patient. Even if they don't exactly show it, trust us -- they are proud!!

Keep up the positive energy -- what I've read here tells me it is a viable and healthy choice! You will remain inspirational to me when my time finally comes!!

Keep us updated!

Best wishes! Marguerite

 

[ALCapshaw2]

What a GREAT ATTITUDE you have Bryan!

Your insight that you will sleep through it but they have to stay awake and worry, not knowing how you are doing is RIGHT ON. It IS harder to be the caretaker than the patient.

Keep encouraging your parents to 'look us over'. As you know there is a LOT of information here about Pre-surgery and Post Surgery and valve choice and all that, BUT, they might find the most comfort starting in the Significant Other Forum to see how others cope.

In the mean time, remind them that you have a "plumbing problem" and need to go to the plumber (aka surgeon) to get it FIXED. And it WILL get fixed.

Remind them that first time success rates are 99% and that young people tend to just 'bounce back' after surgery. If they are worried about the 1% complication rate, tell them to think about what the complication rate would be if you did NOTHING. That should turn them around!

I hope that your parents will 'check us out' and come in for the support that is freely offered by those who have 'Been There, Done That'. We won't bite.

And KEEP UP that POSITIVE ATTITUDE

That is the Best Medicine for your recovery.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[catwoman]

Bryan:

Best wishes with your surgery.
I understand how you feel. It's the same way I felt when I had jaw reconstruction/alignment surgery at age 17. I was excited by the prospects of looking more attractive that I told orderlies who wheeled me into the OR that I was going to be beautiful. This was not done as a cosmetic surgery, but to restore normal function of my jaws. However, the end results -- shortening my lower jaw by 1-1.5 inches -- did change my looks.

I was apprehensive about my valve surgery. However, toward the surgery I looked forward to it because it was the only way I could be restored to good health.
I know my family was concerned. However, my dad teased me about having bought a new blade for his circular saw & also for his reciprocating saw so the surgeon could use them. I think his jokes were as much to displace his concern as mine. He was extremely attentive to me while I recuperated at my parents' home for 2 weeks post-op.

You are only 21, and I'm sure that's really weighing on your parents' minds right now. Do some fun things with them between now & your surgery.

Do have someone let us know how your surgery goes -- and I'm sure it will be 100% successful. With your positive attitude, your recovery should be very quick!

 

[LLJ]

Hey Bryan:I know how you feel! My friends threw me a "Good bye Broken Heart" party a couple days before my surgery. I got many gag gifts and more rubber hearts and stuffed pigs than I knew what to do with. Humor has always gotten me thru. As a parent, I understand their worry. When you become a parent you feel it is your number one job to insure no harm ever come to your child. When you can't insure it, you feel helpless. Urge them to visit us here;let them know there are parents of OHS patients they can get info from.
Well count down with you!
Laura

 

[Georgia]

Ditto everything everyone else has said. But don't let your parents' inability to discuss this positively get you down. If they don't want to encourage you, go find a few friends and do a little pre-surgical celebrating - good meals, good movies, whatever sounds like fun. You'll have a few weeks when you won't be able to get out for fun, so bank a little for recovery.

 

[Gnusgal]

Where's my "fun pills?"

My husband says he wishes that the people in the waiting room could have a dose of versed. That way they don't have to remember all of the waiting!

I agree that it is a LOT easier to be the patient than the person waiting. I've been the patient most of my life, and the few times I've had to sit in the waiting room were torture. I much prefer sleeping through the iffy parts. And I'm also glad I didn't have to look at myself when I came out of surgery. From the descriptions that people have given me it would be enough to scare any loved one...

But it all came out well in the end. And I know yours will too. And your great attitude should speed up your recovery. (Just remember one thing. Even though you'll FEEL like you can do a lot more right away, don't. You're still recovering. Let your body have time to heal. If you do too much too soon your body will kick your butt. I learned that the hard way.)

Good luck with your parents. Maybe if you give them the job of coming here to update us they'll start visiting for themselves? And we'll get our updates. It's a win-win situation!

 

[vboesen]

19-year-old daughter

19-year-old daughter

Alexia just had a aortic valve replacement with the St. Jude on July 11, 2005. Her hospital stay was one week. She had an attitude like yours which plays a big Factor She was ready for the surgery and ready to get on with her life. Her email is: [email protected] if you want to write to her for anything. Will your parents have a carepage for you so we can check on your progress? Write us anytime!!! Her Carepage is: AlexiaBoesen, we are in Sacramento!

Valerie

 

[tobagotwo]

When it came time for my surgery, my wife was shaking her head about how I could be so darn pleased about it. In fact, when I finally made my surgery date with the surgeon, I danced around her feet like a puppy in the streets of New Brunswick, I was so excited.

You understand it - it is epic. It is transformational.

Leave your parents their space, as I do understand how terrified they are that they might lose you.

But let them know that you need to have some leeway on rate of recovery. Most hospitals give instructions intended for people in their seventies. While you have to take some caution and not overdo, and you do have to watch out for your sternum healing, you will likely be well ahead of most expectations for recovery. Frequent rest stops are a good thing, but too much sleeping and laying around is not a good thing after OHS. You are healing a muscle and bone, not recovering from the Plague.

Very best wishes,

 

[MitralMan]

Bryan, I'm stunned by how much better I feel post-surgery; you will, too.

Bryan, I'm stunned by how much better I feel post-surgery; you will, too.

I never knew how impaired I was all these years (I just thought I was a wimp). Now, 8 months post-op, I'm training for a 5 mile run in October; I'm biking again; I have no problem with high heat and humidity (walked five miles last month in 90+ heat in hilly terrain, but you gotta love that CamelBak with Gatorade).

You'll do great. Want some more inspiration? Read about Lance Armstrong (if you haven't already). I recommend IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BIKE.