7 days until the hospital...How do I get thru?

[Chrisandgary]

7 days until Gary goes into the hospital 10 days till the surgery. I feel like I am losing my mind. How do you get thru these last days - I even have so much to keep me busy - packing up him, me, 4 kids to farm out, I'll be at a hotel during his stay - farm out the dog, lock up the house etc. I still have too much time to think.
It is 11:00 now - of course the night time is worse - I was just wondering if anyone had tips on how to get thru this last stretch of time.
Thanks,
Christine

 

[geebee]

Christine,

I do so feel for you. I have always felt it is emotionally easier to be the patient than the loved ones looking on. I was so sick before each of my surgeries that I just didn't worry or care - I just wanted to feel better. My S/O was the one who took care of things and worried through the surgery day.

You guys are awesome as we would have had things so much tougher without the support.

I am sorry that I don't have any words of wisdom. However, I think you will find (once retrospect kicks in) that this last week actually went fast.

Just try to spend time with Gary and your family making good memories that will get you through the day of surgery. That day will be the longest. A well timed glass of wine might help too.

Take care.

 

[Chrisandgary]

Thank you Gina for always responding and responding with such warmth. Gary is so good at not thinking about it and going thru his day - singing with the kids or dancing or playing a game - I just cant stop thinking about it, counting it down, and fearing the worst.
I guess it is better that he is the rock since he has to go thru it!
I will now go to bed in anticipation that this week will go fast and that next week (the week of ) will too and we will be home and he will be in his recliner!
Take care and thanks again - you are an angel!
Christine

 

[baldstuart]

I have been thru the same recently, please take some time for yourself and remember if you need to talk about it. DO IT! I held so much inside out of fear of upsetting my husband and myself. And now that it is three weeks post op we are talking about things that we both wish we would of talked about before surgery. Keep yourself busy and let others help you. You are not a SUPERHERO! Best wishes for an uneventful surgery for your hubby and he will be home in the recliner before you know it!
Patti Wife of Baldstuart

 

[KristiinSD]

It may help to give yourself a break.

It may help to give yourself a break.

Maybe schedule a little time each day to zone out with a good book, movie, or music so you get a break from worrying. I don't watch t.v. but have started to recently to give my brain a break from all the what ifs.

Kristi
surgery 9/8/05

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Chris

I read your post and can vividly remember the week before Tyce's surgery. Emotionally, I was a wreck, while Tyce was absolutely fine. We made plans to accomplish a certain number of thing per day.....it really helped. Tyce took the week off (only because I had this terrible feeling that I was never going to see him again) and every day we worked a bit and then did something together....either dinner, a walk on the beach, a glass of wine, etc. Somehow it almost all managed to get done. First worry about the kids, then the dog, then the house.....and if the house chores don't get done, OH WELL!

I wish you both the best. I do know how hard it is on the spouse, so treat yourself a little extra special at least ONCE in the coming week.

Best wishes.

Evelyn

 

[Phyllis]

Hi Chris- all of us have had similar experiences. Dick was totally calm and accepting whereas, I (internally) worried a lot! As Bob has often said, they should provide a whiff of anesthesia for the spouse. I too kept my fears to myself for fear of upsetting Dick. Hang in there, it will all be behind you before you know it and you will be happily at home and looking forward to the rest of your new lives.

 

[Nancy]

Chris-

The only way I could get through all of Joe's surgeries and other things without totally losing my mind was to skip right over the icky stuff and focus on the future when he would be doing much better, and think about all of the nice things I could do for him, and how I could help him recover. It's not easy to visualize the future and you'll have to discipline your mind, but it can be done.

Also stay in the minute. If things are OK right now, then go with it, if they stay OK for a few hours, that's great, don't go too far beyond what is going on right now. Minute by minute. That's how you will both get through the recovery period too. Don't project. What ifs are useless. They cloud your mind.

And try to find some nice or amusing things to talk to Gary about throughout each day. Keep your sense of humor. Laughter got us through some terrible times. Smile, even though you don't feel like it, especially to yourself when you look in the mirror.

 

[Karlynn]

Chris, you've been given some good advice. Now don't forget to breath. Soon you'll be looking back on this hectic, worrisome time with the nostolgia of a warrior looking back on his biggest battle. You'll have a healthy husband and life will be oh-so-good.

You and Gary are in my prayers.

 

[Lynlw]

Chris, I know how hard the time before surgery can be, for the family members not having surgery, My husband never had surgery , but My son Justin is 17 and just had OHS in May. I tried to keep us busy so we didn't have as much time to worry, either by watching Movies or playing board games or building puzzles, his first date was cancelled the day before because he got sick so he was home 24/7 for about 2 months before he finally had his surgery. I would do good as long as we were busy, then when he was alseep, My mind had time to "go there" the best thing for me was talking online to all my friends that were "heart Moms" and really get it. we also spend time on Justin's carepage and it was really great to read all the messages and know how many prayers were being said for Justin and us. I don't kow if you thought of setting up a page @ either care pages, (like Katie's) or caringbridge.org (like Justins) but they really are helpful in so many ways, it makes it so much easier when you are in the hospital to just do a quick update instead of calling everyone, it gives such peace to read (and reread over and over) all the messages and prayers being sent your way , it gives you a place to journel and vent and actually when I am going thru hospital stays, even a few weeks later, when I think back, everything is a jumble in my mind, so it is nice to be able to go back and re read, especially when people ask me about what happened when. bothe carepages and caringbridge are free services.
Justin has had 4 OHS, a pacemaker surgery and 3 other non heart related surgeries and It never gets easier, I thought it would get easier when he was older, but it doesn't. so please feel free to vent, it really helps, Lyn www.caringbridge.org/nj/justinw

 

[Mary]

Christine,
Try to remember that worry is useless, so take each minute as it comes (Nancy's suggestion) and keep going. It's like most things in life; you plod through the mud and anticipate finding a good road ahead.

 

[tobagotwo]

Believe it or not, go on vacation if it is possible for you. Even for a day or two. Not a planned-out, full of activities, on-the-move vacation. A slow, easygoing one. To a place you really love to be. You will find that he is likely much more open to beauty and a quiet, reflective pace than usual.

Best wishes,

 

[Mb]

Hello.............

My husband faced dual valve surgeries three and a half years ago. He was 56 at the time, and was in fairly serious heart failure.

I found that for the two months before the surgery, doing research on what to expect helped me a lot. For the few weeks preceding the event, getting our business ready, getting him to the dentist, doctors, prescriptions, etc. kept us fairly busy....when not wigging out. He was like the other patients here.....he went to the OR with great peace. We did both recognize that he was at a point that he would not last much longer with out the surgery, so there was not much choice. About the week before the surgery, I gave it to God. I decided it truly is all His will, and that he had shone a light on our lives all those years, and there was no reason to think He would abandon us now, in our need. And, He didn't. When my husband was wheeled into the operating room, I knew we were on the way home. For the few weeks before the surgery, he was SO sick, that I was concerned he might end up having it done as an emergency. Today, I thank Him every day for the time He has given us. Every day is a blessing and a grace.
Marybeth

 

[Glenda]

My husband has been so wonderful during all of my many major surgeries. He has waited on me hand and foot, but last year before the AVR he was being so cool and supportive but I found out later from my kids that he was scared to death. I had so many strikes against me going in to this surgery and I had nearly put it off way too long. He was scared that I would die before I even made it in to surgery. Well, guess what? I'm still here and I sincerely believe that God is in control. All you can do is be there for him, pray with him, cry with him and it will be over before you know it. Trials like this usually brings couples closer. They begin to realize how much they really love each other. Hugs and prayers are coming your way.

 

[Granbonny]

Christine

Christine

Gary will do fine during his surgery...But, I worry more about you.... He needs you WHEN he comes home... If you are worned out worrying about kids, dogs, ect..You will not be in shape to take care of him...Just get organized..and then when he comes home..You will be rested.. He will need you then MORE than his surgery,ect. he will be back home in 4-5 days.. That is when you have to worry ..Keeping kids quiet, ect..so he can nap, ect......Don't worry about the surgery..Just make sure you have things home ready for him to recoup..for a few weeks..Recliner, ect..Bonnie

 

[CCRN]

You can do it!

You can do it!

Everything is going to go great. You are as ready as anyone could ever be. You guys have dotted your Is and crossed your Ts. You have tons of people keeping you in their prayers. You've got it all going girl!

I know you don't feel that way but it's going to be great. Just one more bump in that hill (surgery) and you're going to be sliding smoothly down the other side. I can visualize it. Take deep breaths and be sure to get some good night's sleep.....if it's possible right now. Just think of all the positives in your favor. It will be fine.

 

[Chrisandgary]

Thank you all for your great words. They really mean alot and I just keep coming in here and rereading them - and it makes me smile - makes me feel somewhat at peace.
Thank you all again 5 days to go - 2 more and we'll be in the hospital.
Time is winding down - I cant wait to be on the other side!
Christine

 

[gageyk]

My surgery is in 34 hours. I'm surprised at how calm I am. I just found out August 2nd that I'd be having the surgery and luckily I already had a weeks vacation planned. Originaly I was going to go to the beach and some amusement parks but after diagnosis the amusement parks were ruled out so I spent 7 days at the beach with my daughter, my sisters and their families. Very relaxing. I'm now at home. I think my wife is more stressed out than I am.

Tomorrow the angiogram and on the 24th at 0730 I will no longer be 100% orginal. Good luck.

 

[George]

My surgery is in 34 hours. I'm surprised at how calm I am. I just found out August 2nd that I'd be having the surgery and luckily I already had a weeks vacation planned. Originaly I was going to go to the beach and some amusement parks but after diagnosis the amusement parks were ruled out so I spent 7 days at the beach with my daughter, my sisters and their families. Very relaxing. I'm now at home. I think my wife is more stressed out than I am.

Tomorrow the angiogram and on the 24th at 0730 I will no longer be 100% orginal. Good luck.

Best wishes to you! I'm going in for PVR on Sept. 9. I hope I can feel as calm as yourself when the time comes!

 

[Big-Chuck]

getting thru the last few days

getting thru the last few days

PRAY, pray alot and often. Go see your pastor, talk with him, seek spiritual support and vent here often. Trust me, it all works. God will give you a peace beyond all human understanding if you only ask Him.