Home Alone - How much help did you have/need?

[honeybunny]

I told my surgeon's nurse that my daughter would take a week's vacation to be with me 24/7 post surgery. She lives with me but travels about 3 days a week as a flight attendant. The nurse said I would need help for longer than a week. That may be difficult to arrange.

How much, and what kind, of help did you need at home? I live in a single story home so no stairs. I would wait to bathe when my daughter was home. I bought a power lift recliner so getting up and down won't be as difficult. I have neighbors I can call if needed and relatives less than 30 minutes away.

So opinions please as to whether I'll need a warm body with me day and night after a week or so.

P.S. I searched for this topic throughout the Post Surgery forum but couldn't find any posts specific to this question.

Michele

 

[MrsBray]

Preface: Everyone is different!
I was 43 at surgery. The first week home from the hospital I needed a bit of help showering and getting dressed. I needed help for about 2 weeks getting in and out of bed. I had an electric recliner, and only used the electric part for reclining, not for sitting and standing. With a little forethought, I could have fed and watered myself the first two weeks.
My sister was here the first week - she helped me get in/out of bed, get dressed, and went for walks with me. She took me out to lunch, and to the grocery store.
My mother was here the second week. She took me to the mall and the hairdresser and the nail salon and the grocery store and to my workplace. I was exhausted when she left. but she made meatloaf, so it was OK.
My brother was her the third week. We watched a lot of movies and went for walks.
The first week I was also visited by a Physical Therapist (twice), and a Home Nurse (three times). They were arranged by the hospital and the insurance company.
The second week I was visited by the Home Nurse (twice).
So physically I didn't really NEED anyone - I could have slept in the recliner, I could have eaten all my freezer food, I could have showered very very slowly. Mentally, it was very reassuring to have someone there. The first few days at home were worrisome to me - what was that pain? am I running a fever? (maybe...take some tylenol) Why do my legs look funny? (because the disinfectant the hospital used on my legs doesn't come off unless you scrub really hard, my legs looked jaundiced!)
My first walk around the block - out of sight of the house - was a little scary.
My brother and sister were worried they'd have to help me toilet. They didn't.
My first day home alone was kind of nice - peace and quiet. I went for a 1 mile walk.
What else?
-Meredith

 

[spartangator]

Great question because it is rather individual. Even a week later you'll be tired so help with food and home activities (cleaning and such) would be a huge asset. None of those things require a 24/7 person, of course, so you could sort some meal planning and other assistance with your nearby family.

To answer your question: my very limited opinion is, no, you won't need someone day and night. However, have some people stopping by a few times a day to help out and keep you moving so you heal as smoothly as possible. All the best with your procedure.

 

[DachsieMom]

I was told to have someone with me 24/7 the first week. It helped. One item I had trouble with for almost 3-4 weeks after surgery was opening my refrigerator! We have a large subzero fridge. When you are starving and no one is home, you stare longingly at the fridge. I also couldn't reach glasses, dishes etc, couldn't open the dishwasher, or press the microwave door button. my husband was able to work from home for 2 weeks, but I didn't want to keep asking him for help. I just stayed hungry until he came down to eat!

 

[Paleowoman]

Post surgery I never needed any help showering or bathing at all. I would have hated to have someone help me shower - I'm much too indpendent a person for that. I didn't even need help showering in the hospital - a nurse hung around in the next room in case I needed help - I didn't. I also didn't need any help dressing as I made sure my clothes were the easy kind to put on.

BUT I certainly did need TONS of other help when I got home. I needed someone to cook for me, pans etc would have been too heavy to lift, and I wouldn't have had the energy to cook anyway, …even tooth brushing was exhausting though I did it, sitting down. I needed someone to make me drinks - the kettle would have been too heavy to lift to boil water. I needed someone to do the shopping. I needed someone to take me to the GP and the hospital when I had problems (you don't know how you're going to be post surgery). I needed someone to make up my 'bed' on the sofa at night or when I needed a rest during the day I needed someone to let friends and relatives know how I was (see that other thread going about that). I needed someone to answer the door and the phone, too tiring to do all that. I needed someone I could contact during the night if I had any problems.

Prior to surgery, I read on the forum that the most important thing a person needs post surgically at home is a "slave" ! How true. I had my husband - I could definitley not have managed without him.

Before I had my AVR the hospital pre-admission nurse asked who would look after me at home. When I volunteered that my son, who is on the autistic spectrum, would be at home too and that he can be challenging, it was suggested that I spend a week or more after discharge at a recuperation hospital (not something I would have wanted). Hospitals used to keep patients in for a few weeks post surgery. Heck even having an appendix out a person would stay in hospital for two to three weeks and that's not major surgery like AVR. This makes the cynic in me think that hospitals discharge patients far too early these days relying on others to do the nursing !

 

[honeybunny]

Thanks, all~ Your answers pretty much confirm my own thoughts about the matter and are reassuring

 

[big_L]

I didn't need much help after 3-4 days at home. It's going to depend on how you feel. If you can get around and especially in and out of bed by yourself, you should be fine. Do you have someone else that you can call if you have a problem when daughter is gone?

 

[honeybunny]

Yes, big_L, I will be able to call several people if needed. The nurse made it sound like I needed someone 24/7 for a couple of weeks. From what I'm reading here that won't be necessary so that's good to know. Thanks for the feedback!

 

[tom in MO]

I was 54 for my ohs. I spent the first week in the hospital. When i got home i could do evrything i needed other than groceries and get my meds. If she is gone 3 days a week, make sure you have easy meals, premade meals or a list of good take out . That being said, you will be on pain pills which make some people depressive. Be aware of this and reach out for some human touch, even if it's the phone or Skype. You will do fine. Oh, Netflix was a great help for me.

After a couple of weeks you will start rehab, if you are off the narcotics you can drive there. Groceries thogh maybe not. You won't be able to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk.

 

[honeybunny]

Thank you, Tom, for another encouraging response. I am feeling better about yourself recovery process. I'm surprised, though, about not lifting Anyang heavier than a gallon of milk for a while. Interesting.

 

[Paleowoman]

I'm surprised, though, about not lifting Anyang heavier than a gallon of milk for a while. Interesting.

It's becasue lifting something like that puts a strain on the sternum while it is healing. It takes around six weeks for the bone to fully knit so if you lift something too heavy you can delay the healing process. Your sternum won't come apart as the wires hold it together but you want it to heal well. I'm surprised that Tom said a 'gallon' - sounds pretty heavy for soon after surgery. Also surprised that Tom started rehab at two weeks post surgery - it's usally at around six to eight weeks for rehab, and they don't like you lifting much either ! Also driving is generally at around six weeks. But with all these things it depends on what your cardiologist says - but most people don't have a follow up with cardiologist to find out at two weeks unless there's a problem !

When you have your pre-admission honeybunny they'll give you a lot of information for post surgery, including what you can and can't do.

 

[cldlhd]

It all varies individually but my wife stayed with me for a month after surgery . I certainly didn't need her for everything but seeing as I couldn't drive it was nice to have her for company and to drive me around so I could get out of the house. She helped me shower as she was afraid I'd trip getting in and out but I think that was mostly an excuse so I let her have her fun.....

 

[MrsBray]

People will do amazing things for you if you say, "I'm a heart patient, can you please help me?" with a smile on your face

 

[epstns]

It all varies individually but my wife stayed with me for a month after surgery . I certainly didn't need her for everything but seeing as I couldn't drive it was nice to have her for company and to drive me around so I could get out of the house. She helped me shower as she was afraid I'd trip getting in and out but I think that was mostly an excuse so I let her have her fun.....

My wife did about the same thing for me. After about 3 weeks, though, I sent her back to work. We made sure all the "heavy" stuff was done while she was home, then she started back to work part-time for a week or so, then full time. We all heal at different rates, so you may need more or less help than anyone else. It is just good to know that help is available should you find it needed.

 

[harrietW]

I was and have been concerned about this myself honeybunny. And really unsure what it was all going you look like , so l started making phone calls last week.
I live 3 hours from Calgary which is where my surgery will take place. My son and his wife live there and insist l go there afterwards to recover which Is very kind and generous considering they both have very busy lifestyles and l thought l didn't want to burden them and they still need to run there business and work so they would be gone anyway most of the time. I just think l would feel more comfortable and feel better at home in my own bed.
So this is what l found out. In calling assisted living home care to find what it would cost to have someone come in to check on me a couple times a day and help me up and to bed at night. Alberta Health care covers the cost of a home care provider as long as needed free of charge. That upon arrangements to leave the hospital to recover you make arrangements with a representative at the hospital before discharged. They will come to me wherever l am or go to heal whether home to my little town or my son's in Calgary. They just don't cook or clean other than to through something on the microwave quick. So l checked on Meals on Wheels here in my town and for $10.00 they deliver to you a hot 3 course meal with desert right to your door from the local Roosters Convince Store 2 blocks go my home. My worries for aftercare are over.
As well as l have some really great small town community minded ppl here that would all be willing to stop by and check in regularly. So l will most likely stay in Calgary until l feel well enough to make the 3 hour trip home.

I am so very blessed with the way things are looking as far as my recovery looks.

We are all very luck ppl here to have such amazing resources and such a great forum to come to with our worries concerns and questions of what this Journey really looks like. It can be so frightening and intimidating and scary .. not always but l will admit to having bouts of fear and uncertainty of what this whole thing is going to look like. I do know on thing for certain is that l am in God's hand and in good hands.

 

[Paleowoman]

I don't know about Canada and US, but here in the UK the Red Cross will lend people equipment which might be useful for some, dpending on what they have available. For example, I was sleeping downstairs on the sofa but we only have one toilet in our house which is upstairs so the Red Cross lent us a commode which was really useful for me during the night time. They may have those beds which are like hospital beds ? Worth enquiring.

 

[honeybunny]

I haven't "checked in" for a few days and was pleased to see the additional replies to my question.

Are you being naughty cldlhd And MrsBray, are you telling me I can milk this situation if I play my cards right? I could use the extra attention LOL! Steve, I plan on saving most chores for my daughter to do, which goes hand-in-hand with the “milking it” tactic. So glad you have your recovery options worked out, Harriet. We are both going to do just fine! Anne, good idea about the Red Cross. No stairs in my house, and I now have a power lift recliner thanks to my brother, so I should be good in that respect. But the RC may be able to provide some domestic assistance. I will check that out. And thanks for the info on the heavy lifting. A C-section incision done in August of1984 ruptured in April of 1986; my daughter and I nearly died. I’m hoping that is not an indication of how quickly I heal.

Again, thank you all for sharing your experiences. It makes this journey so much easier.

Michele