Woops...

Harrybaby666 · Apr 7, 2005

For those of you who saw my last post, I apologize profusely, as I didn't see the naughty words until I posted it, therefore I deleted it...so much for my attempt at humor...Sorry Gang..Harrybaby666

This one is much better...

Daffynitions

Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Chickens: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.

Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trials were a prime example.

Left Bank: what the robber did after his bag was full of loot.

Misty: How golfers create divots.

Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.

Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Paradox: two physicians.

Parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the s*** out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Perfect Pitch: what it is when you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn't hit the sides.

Pharmacist: a helper on the farm.

Polarize: what penguins see with.

Primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Raisin: Grape with a sunburn.

Relief: what trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck: what you do to relax your wife.

Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Seamstress: describes 250 pounds in a size six.

Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.

Selfish: what the owner of a seafood store does.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

Subdued: like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.

Sudafed: bringing litigation against a government official.

Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

hensylee · Apr 8, 2005

a good one to start the day, Harry. Here's another:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) I did not object to the object.
9) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
10) They were too close to the door to close it.
11) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
12) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
13) I shed my clothes in the shed.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in a pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, nor
French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that bakers bake, but grocers don't groce? If the plural
of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2
geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? If teachers taught,
why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does
a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet
that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites and why do Americans say they lucked out
when they're in luck?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you
have to hit "START".

Yaps · Apr 8, 2005

wow

wow

wheeeeee play wid me mind......

Wise · Apr 8, 2005

Thanks for the laughs Harry and Ann. Once you start causing laughter you're expected to continue. Just look at Ross...enough said!!! No, seriously, I had fun. Good way to start a day, but why stop there.

hensylee · Apr 8, 2005

years ago Ross and I made a plan. Then others, like Harry, joined in that plan. We space these things out to make you chuckle, then keep you comin on back for the next one. Guaranteed that there will be another.

Wise · Apr 8, 2005

hensylee said:
years ago Ross and I made a plan. Then others, like Harry, joined in that plan. We space these things out to make you chuckle, then keep you comin on back for the next one. Guaranteed that there will be another.

I'm glad there's more to come...woops, bloopers or otherwise!