What do you say to a child?

[KimC]

This week my cardiologist called to discuss my diagnosis. He said that he had gone over my past four echocardiograms with a fine tooth comb, including the most recent contrast echo, (which tested negative for an intracardiac shunt). I still have aortic insufficiency, and it did progress during the pregnancy.

I had been waiting for a final diagnosis, as I was told that "all bets are off" until my echo postpartum.

Of course, I had been hoping that the insufficiency was transient and that by now my heart would've bounced back! I'm still having a second opinion next week. Call it a healthy dose of denial.

Because I've had so many doctors appointments recently, (e.g., OB, cardio and PCP) my six-year-old, Jessica asked me tonight if I was going to die. I couldn't believe it! I asked her why she asked that, and she said, "Because you sound sick, Mommy."

I've had a bad cold and cough for three weeks now, and am on antibiotics. I've seen my PCP, who told me that I may have bronchitis and mild pericarditis. (I've been having "positional" chest pain). Given my regurg grading I'm probably FINE, but the cold adds to the stress of my still-fresh diagnosis.

Meanwhile, my three-year-old daughter has been carrying around a heart toy, hanging onto it for dear life like she does her blanket. I've wondered if she overheard my husband and I talking about my health problems. Or maybe it's just a silly heart toy that she loves.

How do you talk to pre-K children about heart disease? Do you? I've been avoiding any discussion, but now I see that I can't, at least not with my eldest child.

Tonight was a lesson that I need to be more conscious of their fears, too and find ways to tactfully confront them.

Thanks,

 

[Ross]

Kim by all means try to include her on the discussion. Kids pick up stuff even without you saying anything. It's more fearful for them not to know what's happening then to try to explain it to them.

You could compare your heart to a car engine. Explain to her that cars have valves and if they don't work right, the engine acts sick and won't run right. Same thing with mommy. The car and mommy can be fixed so that all of the valves are working properly and the car and mommy will purr like new again.

Something like this anyhow.

 

[Creed3]

Hi Kim,
I went through the same situation a year ago. My kids were three and 6 months at the time. My three year old knew something was wrong and was asking plenty of questions. You should definately discuss this with your kids. Ross gave some very good advice. They don't need to know all of the details, but explain to them that Mommy's heart needs to have something repaired and that once it is repaired, Mommy will be just fine. I tried to explain it by comparing it to a doctors visit. You go to the doctor when you don't feel well and then the doctors make you feel better and fix you all up. Sometimes to fix things, you have to have surgery, but that you will be all fixed up after the surgery. My three year old still had somewhat of a difficult time. The timing of my surgery was a surprise and none of us were prepared for it. I left her one day for a third opinion and then didn't see her for ten days. That really scared her. She wanted to be with me all the time. She didn't want me going to the doctors again without her going with me. She thought that I wouldn't come home. It took a few months, but things improved. Even when I thought she didn't think about it anymore, she would out of the blue say...."remember when you were in the hospital and had surgery?" It's been a year now and she doesn't talk about it too much anymore. When she does talk about it, she talks about the scar.
I'm rambling here. Sorry. I hope this has helped some. If you need to talk, just PM me.

Good Luck and Take Care!
Gail

 

[weekycat]

Very good advice above!

Very good advice above!

My youngest was 5 when I had my surgery, I told my daughter that "Mommy's heart isn't working quite right and needs to be fixed". I explained how the doctor would have to cut me open and fix it, and that she would have to be very careful with Mommy for a while.
I told her that I would be in the hospital for a few days, but that she could come and visit me. I also told her that she could call me whenever she wanted to to talk to me. Would you believe the little stinker memorized the 10 digit phone number to my room? She had a hard time with me being gone for 8 days, but she did come to visit and she called me quite often.

Young children understand a lot more than we tend to give them credit for. A few months later I had to try to explain to her about my other operation, (hysterectomy), I didn't give her a lot of info there, just that they need to operate on my tummy. She called that my "tummy business".

 

[sylviayasgur]

although my kids were older when joey had his surgery,
i am so touched by how each of you have explained this surgery to your young childern.
what wonderful parents you must be.
be well, sylvia

 

[KimC]

Thank you ... I'll find a way to talk about it with them. I probably should've done it sooner, but am still getting my head around it.

Kids are amazing, aren't they?

God bless,