Wedding? Surgery? Help! Advice Needed

[brendamarlene]

My daughter became engaged this summer, and was planning to be married Labor Day, 2005. Yea! congratulations!

BUT...

Recently, I was told I would most likely need resurgery in 6 months to a year (or sooner, if symptoms ---fatigue---get worse) So...

Should we push the wedding up to this December (2004) so it will be BEFORE my surgery (hopefully, unless I get worse before then)

Or wait until Labor Day 2005 as originally planned (If I have the surgery this spring, I will have recovered by then). But will I be too worried going into the surgery? Too stressed out while recovering???

Decisions! decisions! any advice out there???

 

[Ross]

One things for certain. This is not an elective surgery, so they aren't going to just do it. You'll be waiting until they determine it's too dangerous to wait any longer. I guess what I'm saying is, you have no control over when it gets done. Just live your life and enjoy things until the time comes. The stress of surgery and wedding plans certainly are not a good combination, but you'll have to see how it goes.

 

[catwoman]

Brendamarlene:

Congratulations on your daughter's engagement. How exciting!!

My niece got married 10/18/2003 -- less than 4MO after my MVR. When a cardio told me 4/29/2003 that I needed OHS, I told him it would have to wait until after my niece's wedding. To which he said, "You don't have that long ... " So, I had surgery 6/24. My sister & I flew from Dallas-Fort Worth to St. Louis the Tuesday before the wedding. I was a little tired the next day because I had flown to Southern California the Friday before, flown back home Monday afternoon, did laundry, repacked and flew to St. Louis on Tuesday afternoon. I hosted a bridesmaids luncheon the day of the rehearsal. I danced and danced at the wedding reception.
I could not have done any of this the last several months pre-op.

Since you don't know exactly when you'll be having surgery, go ahead and work with your daughter on her wedding plans. List things to do when, move up deadlines to give yourself a little fudge factor, make a resource list of names/businesses w/ their phone numbers, contact names, addresses, etc.

I occasionally fill in our our weddings page coordinator at the newspaper here. I am amazed at how organized some mothers of the bride are. They have ring-binder notebooks, divided into sections on flowers, cakes, reception food, hotel info for out-of-town guests, photographers, etc., a calendar, etc. No doubt you can buy one at a bookstore, but many of these are just a plain notebook.
If you work well ahead and build in a little flexibility, you should be able to handle VR surgery before the wedding. Line up other relatives and friends who can step in should that happen.

As for your health, take one day at a time. Allow yourself more time for rest. Find some stress-relievers that are not wedding-related.

Good luck!

 

[ALCapshaw2]

WHO told you that you would likely need resurgery?
Cardiologist or Surgeon?
Based on what Test(s)?

You might want to get a second opinion or
more accurate tests (such as a TEE or Cath)
if based on a simple echo.

Look at changes in Heart chamber SIZE, Valve Areas, and Valve Pressure Gradients.

If ANY of them show significant change, you may want to have surgery sooner rather than later and get it over with before your daughter's wedding.

Personally, I put more confidence in a SURGEON determining the timing than a Cardiologist since many Cardio's seem to prefer to 'wait until the last moment' before recommending surgery, often with less than optimum surgical benefit due to damage that occurred while waiting.

'AL'

 

[Karlynn]

I'd let your doctor know of your new good news and see what his/her opinion is. The closer the wedding gets, the busier you will be.

If it were me, I'd be inclined to ask if sooner isn't better than later for the surgery. Wedding planning can take it out of the healthiest of mothers. My niece just got married and I saw what they went through the last 2 months. (She became engaged 14 months prior). I think I'd rather have my stamina and health be on the way back up for the wedding, than on the way down.

But as Ross said, you may not have that much control. I'll also second Al's last comment in his response.

Best wishes and congratulations!

 

[brendamarlene]

Thanks everyone! This decision is so hard. (But it's a happy one-deciding when to have a wedding---rather than deciding on what valve)

First, my original surgeon, after reviewing my last echo and my cath, told me I should have surgery within 6 months to a year, and sooner if my symptoms (fatigue, only) get worse. Cardiologist at CC also concurred, although he did not examine me---also, just reviewed the results of the tests.

But I must admit I do not know exactly what number is convincing everyone that the time for a redo is "near."

I have asked drs what they thought vis a vis the wedding. But no one wants to say, I guess. That's why I asked all of you---my fellow vr's.

So, what I am hearing from most of you (is this a poll?) is that we should just go along with our original plans for next Labor Day, 2005. I will probably have my surgery this spring and then be ready to celebrate and dance, dance, dance at my daugher's wedding.

 

[medtronic of borg]

Weddings

Weddings

I'm with Ross on this one!
Med

 

[Darron_ATL]

I actually just got married about 2 weeks ago which was 2.5 months post surgery. Initially when informed I would need surgery ASAP, we contemplated canceling the wedding and going to a JOP to avoid stress and potential complications from surgery impacting the big day. We decided to move forward with the full scale wedding which was definitely the right choice.

I personally found the last two months leading up to the wedding consisted of a lot of phone calls, mailings, faxing, and confirming with various vendors exactly what they were supposed to deliver. The vast majority of these tasks could be completed from the home. I found this to be a good way to pass the time during recovery and found this made me feel ?useful? even in my weakened state.

Would not consider postponing the surgery since they said you would need it within 6-12 months. Also would not consider moving the wedding up to December since this will depend on your condition remaining stable. I vote for keeping the wedding and your surgery scheduled as you originally laid it out (ie spring surgery and fall wedding).

___________

Darron
Congenital Bi-Cuspid Aortic Valve
Bacterial Endocarditis
5/27/04 25mm On X Carbon
St. Joseph's Atlanta - Dr. Macheers

 

[brendamarlene]

Farron, thank you so much for your advice and wedding details! That is just what I have been needing to hear!!!

 

[doberman]

you come first

you come first

Put your health before the plans for the wedding, you will have the surgery when your surgeon decides it should be done. I am sure that this wedding is very very important to you but in the long term you need to put yourself first. The wedding will be fine and everyone will understand and most likely you will attend. The last thing you need now is stress. Two weeks before my sheduled surgery my wife ended up in the emergency room with an obstructed bowel, she was looking at surgery and us with two small children at home! She made a miraculous recovery (no surgery) and was able to be with me at the hospital. Many things we have no control over, don't fight it and have some faith and it will all work out.
Best JD

 

[Kelly Luisi]

Put your HEALTH first ! Get your surgery done when your doctors feel the time is right. I am certain your daughter can handle most if not all of the details of her wedding. As involved as you wish you could be, it is far more important that you are around to share ALL the exciting moments that will come up in your daughters life even after the wedding!

You're in my prayers! Kelly

 

[dawnwit15]

Welcome

Welcome

Congrat's on your daughter's engagement, I know it is a very exciting time. I got married 5 months before my surgery. Based on my personal experience I wish I had the surgery done before the wedding because I physically would have felt better at the time of the wedding. This is just my personal opinion but if your surgeon could do it before hand I would get it over with. Some people recovery quickly while others don't, so you have to take that into consideration when making your decision. I know I didn't feel "right" until I hit my 3 month post-op mark. What ever you decide, best of luck to you and discuss your options with your family. I'm sure your daughter would change the date if she had to, I'm sure her main concern right now is your health. Keep us posted.
Dawn

 

[brendamarlene]

So the latest is...wedding next year...AFTER my surgery (that's today's decision, anyway)

thanks again to all!