visiting

[labguides]

The hospital where our daughter will have surgery is 1-2 hours from here depending on traffic. I am considering getting a hotel room for 2 nights. My thought behind this -- she will not want much company the first couple of days. If I get hotel room, I can visit briefly several times a day. I appreciate your input. Thank you!

 

[ALCapshaw2]

MANY hospitals have 'apartments' or 'guest houses' where families can stay while their family member is in the hospital for surgery / recovery. ASK the surgeon's office or hospital if they have such a facility. Also ckeck to see if there is a 'Ronald McDonald House' in the area.

'AL'

 

[labguides]

hotel?

hotel?

UCLA's facility for families is closed for rennovation. That would be perfect as it is adjacent to the hospital.

 

[Ross]

I would suggest doing that, but more importantly, even if she doesn't know your there, be there. So many things go on that I can't stress enough to family to be there at all possible times. Hospitals are short handed throughout the U.S. and your presences can make all the difference in the world to the patient.

 

[Nancy]

I second and third what Ross said. Be there as much as they will let you. I was able to be with Joe almost all day, in just about all circumstances. I stayed way out of the way of any medical care going on, and when he was too sedated, I would go to the waiting room. If there is a large family group, it's a lot different. With Joe, it was just me and I was able to do lots of the things that the nurse's aides could do, like bathing him and helping him with small things, once he was out of the ICU.

It's important to talk with the doctors if you can. That way, you will know exactly what is going on.

 

[labguides]

<, So many things go on that I can't stress enough to family to be there at all possible times.>.
That was my feeling -- that someone needs to be there to be an adovcate for our daughter.

We are a small family -- my husband will stay at home at night to care for the dogs, but I think I will opt to stay in hotel near the hospital.

I <<was able to do lots of the things that the nurse's aides could do>.
We were told that we should help with spirometer and "pounding" on her back. She asked that I help with bathing etc.

Thanks for all the support! Without this board, I would be lost and have no idea of what is going to be happening.

 

[Heather Fisher]

I agree with the others. I know I slept through a lot of what was going on but it was comforting to have someone there when I needed something. My husband could give me ice chips, run after a nurse, or ask the doctor a question when I wasn't terribly coherent. He also could walk me to the bathroom, etc. Bring a book or other quiet project for times when she is sleeping. It makes a difference to awaken to familiar faces.

Heather

 

[Marge]

My experience from being with family members who were in the hospital is that the mere fact that a family member is THERE is helpful. I think being friendly with the staff, getting to know the nurses, etc., is a good idea, and you can only do that if you hang around -- that way you can schmooze with them when they're not absolutely overwhelmed with work.

No matter how good and conscientious the hospital staff is, it is good that they know that people are there who care for the patient and who are watching out for his (her) welfare.

The times my dad was in the hospital, my mom or I were there almost continuously. I spend a lot of time just sitting and reading, while my mom worked her crosswords -- because he was asleep a lot -- but they knew I was there. But when he woke up, we could do stuff for him when needed, or go get a nurse or an aide when he needed something we couldn't or shouldn't do. Lots of times he would be too tired or groggy to remember where the call button was to call someone on his own.

(Personally, I'm counting on my husband being there to recharge the batteries on my iPod.)

 

[dwfreck]

If UCLA's facility is closed, then a hotel room sounds like a good idea to me. Plus, it will give you and your husband and anyone else you care to loan the room key to a place to rest and refresh that isn't hours away. I don't think I'd like driving 1 or 2 hours (one way?!) every day to visit a family member in the hospital. Of course, if that was my only choice, I'd do it.

 

[Kenny F]

I can't agree more - my wife's presence was critical to me. She is my constant on this earth, the one I depend on, and I can't imagine what it would have been like to not see her face several times a day.

 

[Harpoon]

I second and triple everyone else's seconds on staying with your daughter as much as possible.

I was on a vent in a "semi-coma" for a month. She spent time reading to me, holding my hand, talking to me. When I could communicate, she helped me use a system of letters on a notepad to spell out words I wanted to say since I had a tube down my throat. She never left my side for more than was absolutely neccesary for a LONG time because when she did, my vitals shot all OVER the place....

I don't remember any of this at all, I just know about it because she's told me.

I'm kind of upset about some of that because a few of the books she read to me were by two friends of ours who are pretty well known poets. I like their work a lot and I'm sure it was VERY comforting to me at the time to hear her read.

Ask your daughter what SHE wants.

Ask her before the surgery and then ask her afterwards when she's able to respond. Be sure you do what SHE wants, not what you think she wants. =)

I see your point of not having too many visitors around. Too many people,. even family, can get pretty stressful when you're in recovery and it's best to keep that to a minimum. However, I LOVED having family come by for a visit when they could. When I knew they were coming I looked forward to it, and was dissappointed when they couldn't make it because of weather. I saw some family members I hadn't seen in years simply because they were near Cleveland and knew I was at the Clinic, one cousin brought me a big white lily on Easter.

Having family around means a LOT, it gets pretty lonely sitting in a room by yourself with heart monitors and crummy TV sets blaring....

Even having a nurse around (even when they were doing blood draws or other unpleasant things) was helpful.

 

[hensylee]

I quadruple and septuple what they said.

My nurse cousin arrived from Houston the day of surgery - got there in time to see me in recovery room. She took a motel room near the hospital, she had my car to drive, came and stayed with me most of each day. Just to make sure I had plenty of care and coverage. At nights she went to sleep in the motel, she could shop a little during the day when I was sleeping or exercising, but I always knew when I opened my eyes she'd be right there. What a blessing she was. Maybe this will help you. Please go and stay near. These days there isn't enough staff in hospitals to do all they need to do for patients and when a family member is close by, they do a bit better job - even tho I do believe heart staff is better than some other departments, they are still not the patient's family member!

 

[Gemma]

Hi,
Yes I completely agree with everything everybody else has said! Be there all you can, it's better to annoy the nurses a bit by being there a lot than wish you'd been there more a few weeks down the line.
Also if they're going to tell your daughter anything important it's vital that you're there or that they write everything down for her - if her memory's anything like Jim's after surgery she won't know what they told her and unfortunately neither his parents or I were there when he had the "what to do when you get home" talk - which is an important one!
I think you said she has a boyfriend? This is a bit of a tricky one, but try to give them some time alone, even 10 minutes is a blessing. And it's much nicer having visitors separately than all at once too I think.
I hope all goes well, PM me if there's anything you'd like to ask me.
Gemma.

 

[Granbonny]

Family

Family

My daughter stayed 24 hours in my room..Slept in the fold down recliner..Nurses loved it. Blankets, ect. 3rd Day Hubby stayed all night to let her go home..He stayed in hotel across street..St. Joseph's in Atlanta. I think it was a Marriott. I had family 24 hours a day. Night nurses love to have someone to chat with.. Day workers, too..Relieves them from having bathe me, ect...PLUS..daughter remembered everything they were doing for me. Asking, why are you taking more blood draws, ect. I was so relaxed..they could have cut my head off. Glad she was there to find out answers.She brought me home..stayed for a few days..Filled my pill box, ect...Things I would have never remembered to do. Thank goodness..for my mechanical valve...It's hard on family and I would never want them to have to go thru this again with me. Now..all I take is one pill. coumadin..No problem...Bonnie