Two weeks to go

[Teresa UK]

I haven't posted much recently - having been addicted to you all for months and months, I've recently felt a need to hang back - I'm not sure why. It may be because its so emotional reading everyone's experiences, to the point where I feel quite stressed waiting for better news of people who have been having a hard time. I've felt a bit overwhelmed on occasions. I've begun to doubt I have anywhere near the amount of courage that the majority of people here seem to have, and I have this weird sense of not being worthy - even though I DO know that's silly. I'm just a bit too reflective at the moment maybe. 8th May seems to be rushing towards me now. I've just one week left at work as I've decided to take time out for the week before the op - just to potter around the house and garden, get a bit organised, spend more quality time with Steve & the boys, watch the grass grow, whatever. I've got the recliner, the front-fastening PJs, the soft'n'seamless bra!! What more could a girl need? I've been fairly upbeat about what's about to happen (apart from fretting about the ventilator tube ), but I'm definitely getting a little more subdued and reflective now, which is to be expected, I suppose. I've been thinking a lot about my mum & dad & my sister, who are no longer with us, and I miss them. Anyway, this was just to say I'm still around, and I'm thinking of you all and checking in regularly even if I'm not posting anything. Take care. Teresa.

 

[kingpeta]

Teresa,
No need to apologize for your feelings now. Those of us who've been through it know what you're going through. It sounds like you're ready! I think taking a week off before the surgery is a great idea as long as you can keep busy. The waiting is the hardest as I'm sure you heard others say. Before you know it, you'll be posting in the "post surgery" section and feeling much better I hope. Hang in there and know we're thinking about you!

PS - not to worry about the vent tube - they take it out as soon as possible which is usually when you wake up.

 

[Doug]

Teresa,
We will be thinking about you. Best wishes for the 8th. Looking forward to a post surgery report on how great you are doing and feeling!

Keep the recovery Boring.

 

[Der Biermeister]

Teresa -- let me put your mind to rest on this vent tube. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most irritating thing you could imagine. I would put my experience at about a 2 or 3. I woke up, and when I wake up I am ALWAYS WIDE AWAKE - and this was no exception. I was even joking (via hand signals) with the PA -- somehow they understood me to ask how long? And he said about 20 more minutes. I sent him two FIVES with my right hand, telling him I wanted only 10 minutes - ha. I think he actually abided. I didn't have a watch on of course, nor could I see a clock, but it seemed to be a very short time later that they pulled it out. It's all over in about two seconds - really.

btw, just knowing about what to expect is half the battle. Can you imagine not having been told about this and then waking up with no idea what the hay is jammed down your throat?? Nope, I was totally prepared by the good folks here and made my mind up that it would be no big deal, and it really wasn't.

So ...... FORGETABOUTIT!

 

[Phyllis]

Teresa,
I totally understand feeling overwhelmed by the forum at times- just keep in mind all the great "success" stories and we look forward to adding you to those. You will do fine and we wish you the best.

 

[Phyllis]

P.S. Took the liberty of adding you to the calendar, Teresa.

 

[roxdrop]

Thanks for sharing your feelings...seems very familiar to me, and I would guess many other people here as well. In the weeks preceding the surgery, I just found a million different ways to distract myself and went through a roller coaster of emotions. I felt the most stable and relaxed in the two days before the surgery, when a calm just swept over me and stayed with me until I woke up in ICU. It is the feeling of accepting a difficult reality, and faith in knowing that you will come out of this with flying colors. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, and keep faith.

 

[MrP]

I can sure relate.....so many emotions and reflective thoughts about family and what's truly important in life. You are a much stronger person than you realize.

Best wishes in your upcoming surgery and recovery.

 

[Mary]

In my estimation, there is very little courage in having this surgery. Most of us reach a point where it's have the surgery, or die. As a result, we grudgingly trudge off to the OR for our date with destiny.
I really didn't think I would be able to walk into the hospital, I was so scared. But I did, and I'm here to swear that the waiting and anticipation of surgery are much, much worse than the surgery. I was also worried about the ventilator, but on a scale of 1-10, I would put it at a 0!
You'll do fine Teresa. Just hang on, and know that we're here if you need us.

 

[hensylee]

Teresa, you pretty much covered the bases (an American term - sorry - but it means 'everything'). You are certainly not alone in your reflections. We all probably did/will think about those things since this is definitely MAJOR SURGERY and not to be taken lightly. Don't feel less worthy for thinking very natural thoughts. I know that I finally decided that this was a very serious undertaking. And after you come home and begin to recuperate, you will again have some of these thoughts - that you will be a newer, softer, more appreciative person and that the surgery is what put you there. Life will be wonderful, we promise. So reflect away - and know that we are understanding what you say - and rooting you on to better life ahead. Blessins............

 

[DiscoG4]

Pre Surgery Wobbles

Pre Surgery Wobbles

Teresa,

Just wanted to wish all the best, I had an AVR on 03/04 this year and was very nervous prior to the op, but not as bad as you think it is, and to be honest the tube thing was out in a jiffy and I was so spaced out, I didn't really notice!

I had mine done on the NHS and the staff couldn't have been better, even the physiotherapist! They'll soon have you out and about and before you know it, you'll be back home with your other half waiting on you hand and foot!

All the very best

Steve

 

[Marguerite53]

Hi Teresa!! I really should be napping, and am starting to nod out abit here, but wanted to tell you that everything you're feeling and saying is right on par with all that i went through. I have no siblings, and both my parents are still living. But a very dear friend took her life awhile back and I did feel her calling me one night. Then many old relatives and family friends who have passed came into my mind, and my heart. I began to fight it because I was afraid that it was something weak happening. But then I felt their love and smiles and decided that they would all be my angels instead and help me keep my choice to live.

We each have our own way of getting through this. And this site is a testament to the fact that most of us do get through it!! Stay with us, now that you've come back in. Let us keep you afloat!!

My oldest son, 23, emailed me (he's 3000 miles away) before my surgery that he was grateful to me for my optimism and in my being able to show my children how something like this should be done. Your family is undoubtedly very proud of you also. And ready to hold you up for a few weeks if need be. You will find yourself in a calm state soon. It just happens. The clock wins and you have to just go with the flow. And because you have the knowledge you need, you have the power to get through this just fine.

Take care.....waffle all you want....swing the pendulum from one emotion to the next.....it's all normal. Soon you will join a very exclusive club!! We'll be waiting with open arms!!

Marguerite

 

[dj/utvolsfan]

You are going to do great!

You are going to do great!

Teresa,
I sure wish I could reach into this computer and give you a huge hug of encouragement. At about two weeks before surgery (which is where you are) I think my anxiety was taking on a life of its own. It was so hard to battle my nerves when I was so exhausted anyway. But I think it was within 5 to 7 days before I was to leave for Cleveland that something else took over and I felt a calm and peacefulness that I was not expecting at all. I don't know if it was acceptance at that point that if surgery was going to make me feel so much better, than the sooner the better. I think most of us will tell you the pre-surgery days are the hardest and the biggest test of all. I would have to say I would have have won the trophy for "least likely to show courage prior to ohs" had there been such a thing.
I admit I shed more tears during those pre-op days. Everything seemed like it evoked some kind of emotion within me. It's normal. Geez, it was ohs I was facing as you are. You know what? You will make it through it and you will look back in just a few short days afterwards and say," hey, that wasn't so bad after all!" Sure, it is a huge surgery, but man, let me tell you the rewards you will reap are all worth the anxiety you are feeling now. Try, if possible, to stay focused on the end result. You are going to feel better. Life will be much easier for you.
The vent was shortlived as was everything else I was dreading. So very shortlived....amazingly so. You may not feel so courageous right this second, but there is a hidden reserve inside you just waiting to come out right when you need it the most. Believe me!
Debbi

 

[pfsinger]

Hi Teresa-
I am having a PVR 11 weeks from tomorrow, on July 14. Even with the date this far off, I am experiencing a lot of the same feelings you are. I have a feeling that my moods and emotions and thoughts will be an unpredictable rollercoaster ride until the time of my surgery.
Like you, I am freaking out about the ventilator thing. I think this is the issue that freaks me out the most out of everything. It's helpful to read the comments in the responses to your initial post in this thread. But I'm still worried about it.
I also have stocked up on button-front pjs , and have some great terry-cloth flip-flops and fun slipper socks. It helps to get these things now, so I don't have to worry about them later.
It's good that you're taking the week off before the surgery to hang out with your family and relax and prepare.

Hang in there! We're all here for you.

 

[carista]

I was also very worried about 2 things mostly after surgery...the ventilator and having the chest tubes taken out. I think I was expecting them to be so bad that they turned out to be nothing. I don't even remember the ventilator hardly, I remember waking up and having it in but that's about it, it couldn't have been too bad, and as for the chest tubes, it was quick and I hardly felt anything...it was just uncomfortable if anything. Of course that's just my experience but I wish now I hadn't put so much time in worrying about it. Best wishes on your upcoming surgery!

Carista