this anxious mom has calmed down

[Innercalm]

As previous threads have shown, I have been anxious until James received a date. (April 19 at Cleveland Clinic) I was a nurse but being a mom overrides that. I have been reading the many threads about being anxious (as a relative of the patient) and "needing" others with you when waiting for the surgery to be over. I feel calm and resolute now that we have a date and I will be James' only support before, during and after surgery. His Dad will join us two or three days before being discharged and fly home with us. Is there something amiss when I feel confident about not having others with me while waiting? Others will distract my concentration and needing to be by myself to pray, listen to classical music and pray some more. I also will be calling
family. I have given this considerable thought and decided not to have my sister with me (she volunteered) or my husband. My son also has said that he doesn't want any fanfare or others around to "feel sorry for him". This web site has meant everything to me and I am so grateful to all of you for
sharing your experiences. I can now understand why the reunions are so valuable. innercalm in Arizona

 

[gijanet]

No, IC, go with your gut............

No, IC, go with your gut............

You know yourself better than anyone else. I tend to be the oddball, too, who doesn't really want anyone else around. I don't want to have to try and make smalltalk when my mind is racing, and I'm trying to keep that one little thread of sanity from fraying completely in two. My husband is also there during Katie's surgeries, of course, but we honestly don't do much talking as we are both off in our own little worlds. We do take turns pacing the floors and hospital grounds, so one of us is always officially "in the waiting room" just in case there is word from the OR. Now, after surgery is a different story. It is great to have family around to share the good news and to help you hold a vigil in the ICU afterwards. Dunno about an adult child, but we NEVER leave Katie alone post-op. Except when they boot us out at shift changes, either Don or I or a close family member is with her at all times. When she comes to, I want someone there she knows. And another set of watchful eyes never hurts the care either.

Many hugs and this will all be behind you soon. Janet

 

[Karlynn]

I put the date on the VR calendar so it's really official now. You need to do what will allow you be your best and most relaxed during this time, so if this means waiting alone, then so be it. I know things will go very well. James will have my prayers.

 

[aussigal]

Great another one to join in the April Sale on OHS's...

James and I will just about be climbing the mountain together as we are a few hours ahead of you guys!...I will be praying for another wonderful April-valver...

God Bless you both...
you go with what feels right for you...
ton

 

[Nancy]

I too wanted to be alone while waiting for Joe to come out of surgery. It is such a tense time. Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. I understand that his brothers needed to be there also, but it was a distraction and they were talkative and joking around. I am one who can cope by meditation and my own relaxation techniques, and didn't want to leave for even one minute to get a cup of coffee, etc.

I just wanted to sit there and do crosswords, etc. and listen to a calming CD, and even take a little nap.

Couldn't do that for any of his numerous thoracic surgeries. So I was more nervous than I would have ordinarily been.

You will be fine while waiting by yourself, if that is what you find calming. I surely understand.

It's not that I am standoffish, it's just the way I can cope the best. Everyone is different in that respect.

Here is a list of things I found useful while waiting.

A nice little canvas or other carry bag with handles-something sturdy that can be laundered.
Crossword puzzle book or other thing that could help to pass the time
Prepaid calling card or your cell phone
Roll of quarters for vending machines
Pkg. of Altoids or other strong mints (mouth can get dry when you are nervous)
Small bottle of mouthwash
Imodium (I was glad I had that!)
Small pkg. of Tums
Aspirin, Advil or other headache remedy
Some hard candies
A neck roll pillow, like those used for traveling
A small throw, nerves can make you cold
A pad and pencil
A list of important phone numbers
Pkg. of hand wipes or baby wipes
Small bottle of Purell
Small pkg. of Kleenex
Travel size hand lotion
Lip balm
Bottle of water and a straw.

 

[Phyllis]

It sounds like you have made choices that make both you and your son most comfortable and that's what matters. Sending you are best wishes for a successful surgery and uneventful recovery.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

One theme that sticks in my mind is the benefit of having someone with the patient ALL the time to make sure the nurses and staff do what they are supposed to do and do it RIGHT. Also, to watch for 'difficulties' that need attention ASAP.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[Emma]

I'm with you too on the wanting to be alone. Although my husband, Chloes dad, has been with us all the time - I do prefer to wander off to think when shes been in surgery etc - I cant handle anyone elses worries at that time - or sympathies, so I know where you're coming from. Even now at Chloes checkups I prefer to go alone. My hubby, bless him, tends to only hear half a conversation so comes out with totally different versions of her cardis report to what actually happens.

We always stayed with Chloe every second after her ops - I didnt leave her side for more than a loo visit the whole of her 6 week long stay after replacement. I'm sure you will be the same with your son. You do what you need to do for you at that time.

Sending him and you my very best wishes for the surgery
Emma
xxx

 

[hensylee]

If you prefer being by yourself, then that's exactly what you should do. And judging from your post on the other thread, your son also doesn't want any fuss. It can be tiring when many are around - and, as you say, distracting. You will want to be able to 'take it all in' so-to-speak. Being an advocate requires that you know all that is going on, as much as possible.

Like Nancy says, take something with you to fill those quiet hours. He'll be sleeping a lot at first so you will want something such as a good novel or crossword/puzzle book. Knitting, crochet? Just something to keep yourself from going nuts while you sit there.

best wishes.