They are changing my date

[karenm]

Help! How do I get over this hurdle. I know that I do not have any choice but to deal with it, but I am really shaken up. My surgeon just called to inform me that my time/space has been given to some other person that is already "in house" and much more sick than I am. While that is a small blessing, I do not know what to do.
I am a real list maker, and I had meetings all day today to pass off all the project that I have at work and volunteering. I have friends and family that were taking time off of work and travelling to support my family.
I feel at a loss of all my hard earned resevoir of self composure and control. I am feeling guilty for my family and friends, angry because I will now be at meetings that I had gracefully excused myself from and embarassed that I will now look like a fool that could not even remember the day of her own surgery.
Help.

 

[tobagotwo]

My surgery was pushed for the same reason, but it was only an hour and a half, so it really didn't do much to me. However, this is very common in OHS, as those who are in need but stable are frequently pushed off the table for those who are discovered unstable. How far down the road did they reset the date to?

Frankly, if you're this close to your date, you should just stay out of those meetings. If anyone asks, your doctor had to push the surgery date, but told you he wanted you to take it easy until then (I'll bet he did, too).

If you still feel insecure, ask his staff to send you a letter advising you that they are changing the surgery date. Tell her you need it for work, as you made arrangements to begin short-term disability on that date. Once you have that note, you're no longer crazy or forgetful.

Open heart surgery is not a mere social inconvenience. And if any of the people you're dealing with can't figure out that it is more important than your attendence at their meeting or help with their function, you shouldn't be spending your time with them, anyway. Your volunteer presence is a gift of your time and effort, and while it has intrinsic value to you, it should nonetheless not be taken lightly by others.

It is difficult for your family and friends coming to help from a distance. Fortunately, they are family and friends, and that means they kind of have to accept it, whether it makes sense to them or not. That is what family and friends are for, after all. Remember that their willingness to help also speaks to their willingness to understand.

You have no reason to be embarrassed. You did the appropriate things, and the fly in the ointment was one that you had no way to control.

Relax a little, if you can. You can pick up the reins again after you recuperate, and you'll feel stronger and more confident to boot. You deserve to decompress a little to ease the tension in your body for the surgery ahead. Do something you enjoy doing. Indulge yourself in some way. Celebrate yourself.

Best wishes,

 

[geebee]

Karen,
I am a list maker too and, as such, know there is always one more thing to do. Just try to look at this delay as a chance to tie up one more loose end.
You are correct in that you can't do anything about it. Just be happy you have the type of surgeon who looks out for his patients. Try to put yourself in the place of the emergency patient who really needs his time ahead of you. Heaven forbid you should ever be in that place but you must be secure to know you would be taken care of.
I will also be willing to bet your family, co-workers & friends will love having you around a few more days to enjoy the time together. And your co-workers will also have a few less things to do with you there a little longer.
There is always a reason for changes. You may never find out why but I truly believe there is a reason for the delay besides than the other patient. That reason will turn out in your favor.
Keep smiling,
Gina

 

[Mary]

Karen,
I would try to view the delay as an unexpected reprieve, and an event beyond your control. It's happened to a few members. They tried to change the situation into a positive and make the most of having a few extra days. You have everything in the ready, so you should be free of last minute duties and chores. Try to relax and enjoy each and every moment that you can.

 

[Karlynn]

So did they give you a new date?

Family and friends will understand. Bob gives good advice about staying away from meetings. You don't want to catch any cold or other bug that would delay the date for you even further.

I wouldn't want to hazard a guess at the percentage, but a lot of OHS gets moved around due to your situational experience. Take the added opportunity to spoil yourself a little more. Eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite movies. Get that pedicure (with foot massage) you've been wanting.

Do you have comfy jammies and jogging suits to put on after the surgery? Get some nice hand lotion so that family and friends can give you relaxing hand massages while you are in the hospital. (It's such a relaxing treat.) Do you have a note pad so that your, or family, can write down what people are telling you and questions you want to ask when the doctors make their visits after surgery?

I know you are anxious to get it all over with, so hang in there.

 

[Harpoon]

Delays like that aren't all that uncommon. Many surgeons are handed "bad cases" at the last minute that really need to be dealt with right away even if someone else has already been pencilled in.

The delay for you gives you more time to prepare, more time to make sure you have everyhting the way you want it to be when you get back home.

The delay ALSO means you're in pretty good shape right now. They wouldn't push your date back if you were too sick.

It's happened to a lot of people before on this site.


You shouldn't feel embarrased about having made all the arrangements you did for being away only to find out you'd still be around. Stuff like that happens and no one should hold it against you, least of all family and friends.

If they do, then it's a good sign that you need to find someone else to help you out when the time for surgery finally does come. =)


I'm still struck by how many people in my life had no idea I had another open heart surgery, or even that I was "away" for two months straight. One of the guys I used to work with covering local high school basketball had called my house while I was in Cleveland and asked my wife (she and my father were home for less than 24 hours to check on bills and other household issues) if I'd be covering a particular basketball game....

I was in a coma at the time, quite literally near death (I was a SPECIAL case, and not typical of valve replacement surgery outcomes...)

I bug him about it now. I'm acutally kinda pissed because he was being dense at the time and should have known better.

There are some people who just didn't know, were never told, but there were a lot of people that had at least some idea of what was going on (or should have had it) and acted as if nothing at all has happened.

More people know I got married than know I had open heart surgery.

Dunno which one would be more considered "significant" in one's life....

 

[karenm]

Thanks All

Thanks All

Well, 28 hours after my eventful phone call I am doing much better. All your calming words and good counsel have helped. I do have a new date, November 9 for the angiogram and November 10 for the OH. I got the call to change the date from the surgeon at 1:00 pm, and then at 5:00 I talked to my Cardiologist because she had received the tape from my event monitor (those are slick things) and she wanted me to come in to the hospital be monitored over the weekend. She had no idea that the surgery had been changed and based on what the event monitor said, she'd put me in the hospital from now until the surgery if it was up to her. As you might imagine my head to jammed full of so many conflicting thoughts.

I decided to stay home for the weekend, as I have the fast heartbeat events (215 bpm) about every fourth day. I had a series of four to six over a two hour period on Friday, so I think I can keep it under control through the weekend. No excercise, adrenaline or dehydration and I should be fine. Anyway, I am on orders not to drive any longer and to go to the ER at the first sign of fast heartbeat. I have a feeling that I'll be getting some more urgent advice on Monday from my ACHD specialist.

I'll keep you all in the loop, as I am going to be needing your logic and advice, and calm I suspect!!
Happy Halloween
~Karen

 

[Cecily]

Hi Karen, Guess what I am on this site too, thanks to you. Boy alote of people here on this web site all going through or have gone through the same thing we are going through. I am so sorry about your change of date,I have heard of that happening. It is hard enough to go through the surgery let alone having the date changed. I have someone coming from across the country to help take care of me so date changing is always in the back of my mind. It seems all the people here have calmed you down. I wish there was something I could say or do. All the people have pretty much said all the things I would have said. Just know there is one more person thinking of you, praying for you and wishing you well. Cecily

 

[Abbanabba]

Hi Karen, I'm sure you're feeling a little more settled now you have the new date. Hopefully they won't need to change it on you again. Try to use this week to rest and double check you've got everything in order before you go in.

Sending best wishes your way,
Anna : )

 

[doberman]

The waiting is the hardest part... I am sure no one thinks you are a fool. I am sure that your co-workers are very concerned about you, and you should let them be (concerned). Do you have a new date yet? How long do you have to wait? I feel for you and hope you can chill until your new date.
JD
(I showed up a week early for my post-op appointment with my surgeon, talk about feeling silly, I even had the right date written in my day timer)

 

[doberman]

I didn't notice your other post before my last post, I see you do have a date now, Good Luck.