The waiting is the hardest part!

[beccaslp]

2 1/2 months until AVR. At first, I was like, "Okay, this is just what has to be done. It will be fine; not a lot of fun, but fine" As the days pass, I get more and more nervous. I am on the internet ALL THE TIME, concerning the surgery, coumading, heart hugger, etc. It seems like it is on my mind all the time. I fear that I will be a wreck by the time the surgery actually gets here. What can I do to calm my nerves? June 1 is a while away. I can not obsess over this until then. I have a family and work also. Does anyone have any advice as to coping with the anticipation, waiting, etc. Thanks BECCA

 

[Ross]

Believe it or not, as the time draws near, you'll calm down some. Don't worry about it, trust in God and have fun with your life as it is now. If it becomes a real problem, talk with your Doctor about your feelings. Yes, waiting is the hardest part!

 

[geebee]

Becca,

Trust me, in another few weeks you will post that you can't believe your surgery is "next week".

It will go fast and you will settle down. Try to busy yourself with getting ready. Stock up on easily prepared frozen meals. Get your recliner in position (or buy or borrow one if you don't have) on the first floor and near the bathroom. Make sure you have lots of pillows.

Look into the Hearthugger. It seems like it has been a Godsend to those who have used it. I only had "heart pillows" after my surgeries and wish I had had the Hearthugger. http://hearthugger.com/flash.html Order early if you want it to make sure it arrives in time.

Spend time with your family. Make sure all your paperwork is in order (wills, medical POA, etc.). Read some good books and watch some old movies. These are all things that will keep you busy and relax you (except maybe the paperwork stuff).

If you are still having problems such as sleep issues and/or panic attacks, don't be a hero. Ask your doctor for some medicine to help with it. There is plenty of drugs available and this is certainly a time to use them.

Good luck and keep us around to help.

 

[tobagotwo]

Waiting is the hardest part...

Waiting is the hardest part...

Your title says it all.

In the last few months of waiting, most of us drive our families crazy, either by talking about it all the time or refusing to talk about it at all. Some become compulsive: women wash the blinds and the curtains, and clean the attic; men try to finish all of their household fixit projects or perform heroically at their workplaces.

Its icy grip closes on us at night when everyone else falls asleep, and our hearts start experimenting with unusual and disturbing rhythms.

We obsess on it to ourselves, because it occupies a closed circuit in our brains. We know it bores or frustrates those around us, so we keep discussion about it to a minimum. Still, we need those around us to help.

We find a way to talk the business of the surgery with our partners without opening the door to the Overflowing Closet Of My OHS, so too much won't tumble out at once.

After all, once we start losing these marbles, will we ever be able to find them and put them all back again?

When we try to share our upcoming experience with someone outside the immediate family, we instantly regret it. They start telling us how "diet and exercise" would have prevented this. They tell us that they know someone who had a valve put in once, and it's no big deal, because "they do that kind of thing all the time."

We are aggravated by the slowness of the time passing, but secretly horrified that our ordeal is creeping unfeelingly closer.

Then we come here, because here everyone "gets it." Here we can sceam out in pulsating electrons the fear and the frustration and the worry. Here, someone doesn't give us a pat on the head and tell us not to worry. Here, someone says, "Darn straight. Scared the heck out of me, too."

It stays like this for a while. Just try not to go crazy. It does have an end date: try to hang on to it.

You have some time. Go to a place that you love, a place in which you find great beauty or joy. Your ability to appreciate it is at its peak. Celebrate life. Give yourself something good to look forward to.

I can tell you that shortly before the surgery, you may find that a Great Calm envelopes you, and carries you through the surgery. It happens quite often to people here, and it's an amazing, zen-like experience. I hope that happens for you.

Best wishes,

 

[catwoman]

Bob:

You are so eloquent! You've hit the nail on the head...

Becca:

Do all those personal affairs type things between now & your surgery, stock your freezer, etc. etc.
But also -- do something very special and fun before your surgery. Maybe a weekend fun trip, somewhere you've always wanted to go to. Provided you aren't getting run-down physically, of course. Give yourself something enjoyable to look forward to before the surgery. Take lots of photos and make a photo album. Take it to the hospital and think of having another visit to the same place -- when you're back to "normal," whatever that is after OHS.

Me -- I'd go camping, rent a cabin at a state park like Caddo Lake State Park near the Texas-Louisiana line. Get totally away from TV, turn the cell phone off, not read a newspaper.

 

[Marguerite53]

Yes, it is!!

Yes, it is!!

Bob. Nicely said. I'm going to keep all that in my notes since I'm beginning to go bonkers myself! Marsha, sounds great! Becca. Can't say I've been there yet. Still nothing but "see you in 6 months" from the cardio for me. Someone mentioned some very successful relaxation tapes, hopefully there will be some feedback on that. Massage is a very good thing to invest in -- a treat, actually, if you find someone with a nice space, little fountains, nice oils, gentle music, etc....

Good luck. I know there will be more experienced suggestions coming your way.

Marguerite

 

[Barry]

Used to be a Marriage and Family Counselor, a trick that some of my patients found was helpful was to have a "worry chair".

Have a chair at home set aside for worrying. When you begin to worry, go sit in that chair and do your worring. Don't try to stop worrying - just do it in that chair. Over time you hopefully will find that you're worrying less. But if you somehow find that you're not worrying at all about anything, set a bit of time aside to sit in that chair and purposefully worry; there's a certain amount of worry to be done in this life. Worry often helps us come up with solutions to problems; it's only a problem itself when it goes on and on and on and on and on...

BTW, have a mechanical valve and I'm on Coumadin. By the time it's all over I think you're going to find that the surgery and pain and all that nonsense is a bit anticlimactic - especially after having worked yourself up into a frenzy over it. And that Coumadin is no more than a minor annoyance.

 

[beccaslp]

I liked that last part!

I liked that last part!

I like this last part that you wrote:

BTW, have a mechanical valve and I'm on Coumadin. By the time it's all over I think you're going to find that the surgery and pain and all that nonsense is a bit anticlimactic - especially after having worked yourself up into a frenzy over it. And that Coumadin is no more than a minor annoyance.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the reply - BECCA