The one year Post-Op Blues, from my scar right down to my shoes!

[jake]

So just a little over one year post OHS and gosh sakes almighty, I think I have the blues!

I don’t know why, as I had next to no complications other than my scar going keiloid, but over the last year I have been diagnosed with Miniers syndrome (occasional vertigo) and have had about a half dozen very brief drop attacks. I frequently experience what can be best described as a forceful heartbeat as sometimes it just feels like my heart is pounding itself out of my chest. No raise in BP or HR, just a real forceful BOOM BOOM BOOM for no apparent reason. I feel it in my throat, in my ears everywhere!

Add to this the occasional ocular disturbances (the flashing rainbow colored horseshoe thing) and some occasional wired stuff like my eyes going completely out of focus one time and one other time my right eye just going black and than coming back and let me tell you, its like fate is playing some very crewel jokes on me just to see how I will respond. When these anomalies occur, they don’t hurt, but they sure do make me depressed! One would think I would be used to them by now, but somehow, I just cant seem to get used to it.

My chest still hurts from time to time with sharp zingers and muscle pain and spasm, nothing real serious, but just enough to derail my attention from everything else and get me thinking about the invasion into my chest.

I have to tell you all, I really deep in my heart believe that some of this stuff shall pass with time or I will just get used to it, but I really miss my old life before I had OHS. Stuff didn’t hurt, my eyes didn’t play games with me, I didn’t get dizzy, I seemed like so much more a happy guy. I guess I just have the one year anniversary blues. Sorry to be captain bring down for those of you who are sporting a stiff upper lip, and I really apolagize to those of you who had so many much worse issues after OHS and learned to live with it. It makes me feel a bit ashamed to complain I guess, but very few people around me really get what I am going through.

 

[Allisoninoz]

Hi Jake, You're allowed to complain to us! I'm nearly at the 12-month mark too - 22 Feb is my anniversary date. I posted a month or so ago on feeling down and feeling guilty for feeling down! Yes, things could be much worse ... but this is your reality and you're allowed to feel a bit irritated with the world every now and then!
I doubt anybody who has had such major surgery has just flown through the year without down times. My surgeon told me it takes about 9 to 12 months to be emotionally over the surgery ... so we're almost there!
I have mild epilepsy as well as congenital heart problems so really get how annoying and depressing sudden changes in your senses can be. I have occasional absence seizures where I just 'zone' out for maybe 60 seconds - then just 'zone' back in. I HATE IT! It's embarrassing and frightening. My neurologist isn't worried at all (i'm on meds) but it drives me mad - and in my dark moments I think, FFS (work it out) WHY did I cop having a dodgy heart AND epilepsy? And I look at the scar on my chest and the scars on my back/side from earlier surgery and think how revolting they are.
But then I remind myself I have a beautiful healthy daughter, I can walk, talk, see, think, blah blah blah, live in a great country, and get on with things.
My chest/incision tend not to hurt unless it's really cold. Maybe some stretching/heatpacks/gentle massage would help?
Again, you're allowed to feel down for a little while but don't let it take over your life.
Is it cold in Detroit? Sunny in Melbourne today!
My husband, daughter and I are heading to the US next month for a three-week holiday ... Disneyland, SF, Yosemite etc. Fun, fun, fun.

 

[kfay]

Jake, I had all of the issues you've had post op except for the vision in one eye going black and coming back. With time (I'm almost 4 years post op), all of them have disappeared. Some took longer than others, but I don't think they will be coming back. I had the keloid first time around and had surgery to have it re-done. Luckily, the second time around it didn't happen.

I know at a year post op you feel like you should be back to 100%, but it does take some of our bodies a longer time to get things back in shape it seems. Hang in there.


Kim

 

[nngbwh]

I'm sorry to hear about this and wishing you the best. Give yourself some time you will be back to yourself again

 

[Phil]

Hi Jake,

Let rip! I had a gripe session yesterday complaining about being so bloody tired all of the time. It helped. I got great acknowledgement from others who understood where I was coming from and whose support perked me up.

I hope things improve for you soon.

All the best.


Phil.

 

[Ovie]

Sorry to hear some things aren't behaving the way they should. Also never be ashamed about complaining or being down. I haven't had my surgery yet, but with what people have to go through with this operation I feel IMO you have every right to vent whenever, about whatever.

 

[epstns]

Jake,
This is the one place where you can say anything that is going through your mind. The folks here are the ones who are most likely to immediately understand what you're going through. We all have either been through heart surgery of will be going through it. There are some things that the other "non-patients" will never fully understand, no matter how close they've been to a valve patient. Being near a patient is just not the same as being the patient.

That said, it is quite common for patients who have had heart surgery to experience feelings from "the blues" all the way to severe clinical depression. It seems to be the body's way of coping with the shock of such major surgery. For some it comes right after surgery, for others, much later. Some patients are affected, others not. There is absolutely no stigma to having these feelings. It just happens. The important thing is to keep a handle on it and if it becomes too serious, get help. As some have mentioned, their docs may have prescribed meds to help. Others have met with psychologists and undergone various types of therapy. Whatever it takes, you owe it to yourself to get help if you need it to keep things under control. If these feelings get in the way of your basic enjoyment of life, get help - you had the surgery to get your life back, now don't let feelings get in the way.

 

[Julian]

Jake you just described my life 6 months post op. I hate that your feeling this but in the same breath im glad im not the only one feeling this way. For me its not straight depression or anxiety, ive been through both. Its more of the little changes in the body that cause me to feel kinda of depressed or anxiety like symptoms.

Like you said its these little hicups like strange heart sensations, weird eye issues, and a bunch of other sensations i cant recall. Its these things that dont let you be at peace. You ask yourself will you ever be at peace again. You start thinking about how things were ten years ago and wish you can feel that way again.

I know how you feel... Vent away it gives me peace in a strange way.

 

[mecretired]

This is the place to go when you want to share, vent, ask questions--whatever. You are almost surely going to find someone who is feeling or experiencing (or has) the same thing. This is a bump that you will get over.

 

[Boston Tiger]

It sure can be frustrating to get those reminders of what your body has gone through, especially when you have gone a certain amount of time post surgery. I'm hoping my spells of aches will become further and further apart over time. But I just keep reminding myself that they are better than the alternative I would have faced without the surgery.

Vent away here, because you have an audience that fully understands!

 

[neil]

hope you start to feel better about it all soon, most of the above posts have hit in on the head about things so theres nothing left to say really, apart from a big slice of choclate cake seems to lesson the pain a bit

 

[sflagg13]

Jake,
Thank you for posting I too have the same exact problems at 6 months - the vision problems really upset me and the aching chest is just annoying. Its hard to get past it sometimes because I thought the surgery was the "cure". It cured the BIG problem but created a bunch of lesser problems that are annoying and scary at times. I try to remember the trauma of the surgery to my body and especially my heart and what took 51 years to go bad may take more then 6 months to recover. It can only get better - right
I hold on to that and the incredible advise and wisdom from this forum.