The Bonus of Having Strong Support System.....

[Jkm7]

I've been thinking lately about those among us who do not have large families. People facing and recovering from their OHS without a spouse, no children or supportive parents. What is already so hard becomes that much more so and I send deepest respect to those of us who find the strength and will to go forward and to thrive during their recovery with little support around them.

It can be done.... it IS done and those who accomplish this are heroes IMO.

How important is support system for the emotional recovery do you think? Physical matters can usually be handled but the emotional so difficult on one's own.

Blessings......

 

[lb151]

I am one of those that did not have a large support system. I was dropped off at the hospital and spent the 2 weeks there alone. I do have a loving son that lives here in town,but,given the shape of things,he could not take time off from work. He and his wife helped me some when I got home with shopping,but thats about all the help I had.
I found courage I never knew I had. I am extremely proud of myself and that continues to help me through day to day. You can find the strength within and at the end of the day,thats where it has to come from.

 

[Ross]

Dolphin girl, probably no longer active, went through the whole thing alone. She was visited by John Cochrane when he was still an active member here. Yes, people do go through this alone and no one should ever have too. When I think back on my surgeries, it takes a huge emotional toll on you, so support, of any kind, is great.

 

[Jkm7]

Dyna.... I know what you mean but I think you sell yourself short.
I have tiny family but thankfully a precious, supportive DH. I am grateful he saw me through two OHS but I would have struggled my way through on my own if I needed to..... I think.

 

[palmaceae]

You are never alone if you have Jesus in your life, He will be your strength, He will be your support. That is what got me through this.

 

[Bina]

Quite honestly if I had nobody around I would have done one of two things. Either avoided having the surgery or probably would have shot myself the week afterwards because I was so miserable.

Ditto....and ditto......

 

[designlady]

Whew! I agree that the people that have to go the surgery alone are heros! I cannot even begin to imagine what that would be like! I had so many people present at my surgery that when the surgeon came out to tell them everything was fine, he was shocked! He teased me about it afterwards...said the entire hospital tilted when they said "Matthews family". I have a small family but a broad base of friends. I think there were about 30 people waiting in the surgical area.
My loving, caring and devoted husband was with me 24-7 until I came home. My son was almost as devoted. I stayed with my parents so I wouldn't have so many stairs. Friends brought food, clothes, movies, magazines, etc. Then several days after surgery when I had to go back to the hospital with pneumonia the support started all over again. I also agree that we always have God! He can spot a weinee like me a mile away...so he sends help to those of us that are weak! Trust me...the Lord and I did some heavy duty talking for a long time after my surgery! I praise Him and glorify Him for bringing me through such an experience. I also thank Him for all the support He lined up for me!
THE BIGGEST WEINEE THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI

 

[hall]

I can not imagine not having the support of family! My poor DH would come up to the hospital and I would tell him to go home and then he would call and I would ask him if he was coming up to see me DH and my kids were great. Yep, that first week home is a doozy! Whoever has to cope w/this by themselves or w/little help has my utmost respect.

 

[ponygirlmom]

I think a person would be better off alone than trying to recover surrounded by negative people, or people who make more, rather than less, work for the recoveree.

 

[abbanabba]

I'm a real introvert, so I found having people around fussing over me a bit annoying and very tiring. I kind of felt like telling them to bugger off and give me some space... but that seemed a bit inappropriate. I did, however, appreciate having them there to do the things I couldn't physically manage, but I would have been more than happy to take advantage of the home help offered by the hospital. When it comes to the emotional side of things I truly do much better when left to my own devices.



....maybe I'm just a freak..!

 

[ChouDoufu]

it IS done and those who accomplish this are heroes IMO.

not a hero, despite the heroic sexy speedo photos!

went through this alone is a strange country, was the best thing i could
have done. last thing i wanted was friends and relatives hanging around
the hospital ward pestering me. dammit, lemme alone and let me recover!

 

[Freddie]

Quite honestly if I had nobody around I would have done one of two things. Either avoided having the surgery or probably would have shot myself the week afterwards because I was so miserable.

Ditto....and ditto......

I need not say more!!

 

[CThrock]

I totally agree with Palmaceae on this one. If it was'nt for my faith in the Jesus Christ and my family I would of had a much harder time. I don't have any idea how someone can do it alone.
It would be a more difficult time then it already was.

 

[Ross]

Yeah but for you loners, emotionally how did you feel? Physically we know the answer too.

 

[Freddie]

Yeah but for you loners, emotionally how did you feel? Physically we know the answer too.

I was a wreck emotionally. Maybe more so than others because everything happened so fast for me. I was angry, upset, alone and cried a lot. I had no one to turn too, even my S/O turned the other way - just didn't understand. My sister helped on keeping my family fed, which I was grateful for, but the best emotional support I found was here - too bad I found this site 3 months after surgery.

Its in the past, and I'm doing my very best to keep it there.

 

[ChouDoufu]

Yeah but for you loners, emotionally how did you feel? Physically we know the answer too.

pretty good emotionally. having gotten over the denial and self-pity, i could
look forward to getting it done, recovering, and getting better than before.
i won't say it was fun, but it was (and still is) an adventure. a genuine
E-ticket (if anyone remembers those) with some extra cutting and slicing.

 

[Jkm7]

I think the thing about those of us with tiny families is we are used to that. We are accustomed to handling what we have to so perhaps that pattern and history enable us to cope better. But it is those very stressful life events that bring to the fore the 'aloneness' that only sometime pokes it's head. As well know, OHS rates very high on the 'stress scale.'

Again, I am so grateful for my wonderful DH with whom I'll (hopefully) celebrate our 40th anniversary this summer. I did think of others with small support system while going through my second surgery particularly....more so than the first. For me, my DH and other less direct family members were 'there for me' but I truly cared about those that don't have even those few special loved ones. Perhaps they predeceased them; have problems of their own which make them unavailable...whatever.

Then, I heard of people with reasonably large family groups who felt very alone. I suppose it isn't the number of people with whom one is related but the quality of their bond and willingness to help when needed.

Thanks for your thoughts on this subject.

 

[lb151]

I agree with the above comments. I had already been through losing my son,a divorce and living on my own,,whats a little OHS. You do what you have to do. I actually only fell apart when I was with someone else and they would touch or hug me. I can still comfort myself better than another person can. I deal with what is given to me and store everything in my mind in tiny cubby holes. When I need to deal with something,I take the file out,look at it,do what needs to be done and put it back in its cubby.
I have very bright outlook on life and I dont have any negative people in my life.

I must add that my doctors and nurses are the best,,here and when I was in the hospital. I could not believe there were such caring human beings!

 

[sue943]

I live on a small island with no family and am not the sort of person who likes to 'be a nuisance' so prefer to be independent.

As this is a small island we have to travel to England for our OHS. First I had to fly to England for my angiogram and then a few weeks later for my surgery. I did get a lift to the airport both times then got the airline staff to push me in a wheelchair to the plane, then was collected at the other end again by airport staff. The hospital had arranged for a taxi to meet me at the airport in London and then I was driven to the hospital.

I was allowed to travel home alone the day after my angiogram but when it came to my OHS the hospital insisted that I was collected, it had been my intention to return home alone and fend for myself but they wouldn't hear of it.

My daughter came to the hospital the evening before my OHS and then was there for a few days, surgery on Thursday and she had to go home Saturday or Sunday. I was in hospital about 11 days and had visitors twice in that time.

My daughter and her fiance collected me and took me to their home on the Sunday, I became ill en route and spent the evening in the A&E before being allowed to leave.

My daughter and her fiance both were working so I was left alone all day Tuesday and Wednesday, I couldn't eat or drink as I was feeling too ill. Wednesday evening I moved into an hotel where I intended staying until Saturday but was so ill that my daughter took me to her doctor in the morning and I was admitted to hospital as an emergency, with complete heart block.

My daughter got married the next day so I missed that and then they went on honeymoon at my insistence on the Sunday. I knew no one in that city but a friend of my daughter did visit once and my sister travelled to see me once too.

I stayed in hospital until the following Friday then was taken to the airport by car and was wheelchaired through and then put onto the plane, I couldn't walk. At the airport at home I got a taxi to my home.

I was taken food shopping every few days by one of a couple of friends. Apart from that I basically fended for myself. I just worked out the best way of coping, things like placing a large towel on my bed and changing that instead of changing my bedding. Throwing soiled clothing downstairs instead of carrying it, carrying small amount back upstairs when clean. Most days I saw no one, nor spoke to anyone by phone.

I used taxis most of the time before I could drive again.

I just had to get on with it.

 

[abbanabba]

Yeah but for you loners, emotionally how did you feel? Physically we know the answer too.

Aside from getting bloody annoyed at being fussed over and not being allowed to do anything (for a fiercely independent person, this was a nightmare and one of the reasons I would have preferred the home help - at least they're not hovering over you 24/7 like you'll shatter into a million pieces if you dare try to make a cup of tea on your own!), I was emotionally fantastic

Obviously I'd been waiting a loooonnng time for my surgery and was happy to have finally had it done. As I improved physically each day, I really did feel more and more enthused and alive. I didn't experience any of that post-op depression that so many other people have been through... just a bit of frustration that I wasn't healing quick enough to match my willingness to get up and go!


A : )