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geebee

My mom spent her last couple of years in a nursing home (she passed in 2003). She was one of the lucky ones because she had family members who were passionate and regular about visiting. However, many people there (and it was an upscale nursing home) never had visitors. I guess their family thought spending the money on a good nursing home was sufficient or maybe these residents just didn't have family - yeah, right.

The holidays are the hardest for folks alone in nursing homes. If you have the means (or even belongings at home that you can live without), I encourage you to share with our seniors who may have nothing save a place to live.

Our local post office has a tree up with paper gingerbread men listing the Christmas gift wishes of local nursing home residents. I don't know if that is done at a lot of post offices or just ours. But you can always contact a local nursing home to find out how to help. If you do not have extra money, then simply visiting someone alone will brighten their holiday.

Most of us will probably spend some time in a nursing home before we pass. Please consider making some emotional deposits you may be able to draw from later down the road. I am a devoted believer in, "What goes around, comes around".

Thanks for reading this.
 
Very nice Gina -

Very nice Gina -

a nice reminder for all of us. I volunteered in the nursing home here in Estes for bingo once a week before my surgery - I have yet to go back there but keep meaning to. I was shocked at how many of those nice, nice elderly people had no visitors. One hundred years ago, the elderly died in their own homes with their family taking care of them. Today, we shuttle them out of sight. I know my sisters and I always told Mom we would take her in when the time came and she insisted on being put in a nursing home because she thought they were nice places. Unfortunately, we never got the chance to live out those plans with either of our parents. :(

Christina L
 
I had always thought I would never put my mom in a nursing home and actually promised her that years ago. However, she got so bad with Alzhiemer's that I really didn't have a choice as she needed 24/7 care. I did not have the stamina nor facilities at my house to provide what she needed. It broke my heart the day she reminded me that I had promised never to put her in a nursing home. It was very interesting to find out the things she DID remember.

We can only do our best for our parents and loving them enough to accept what is best is often very difficult.

This time of year is the hardest for me which is why I try to help out those like my mom who, unlike my mom, have no one to laugh and cry with.
 
Gina -

Gina -

I know fully well that there are those who NEED to be in a nursing home as their care is too complicated for their families to handle.

Don't feel bad about having to put your mom in a nursing home. It is not putting them in a nursing home, it is putting them there and forgetting about them, that is the crime. :( You did not do that with your mom and we wouldn't have done that with our parents if it had come to that.

Christina L
 
I'm familiar with how you feel, Gina.

My grandparents (Mom's parents, that is) moved into a nursing home, as some of you may remember, in September 2001, 6 days before the events of September 11. Luckily, it was Gram and Gramps' decision to move there....we didn't have to "force" them...or feel bad for pushing them to move here. Gram had picked out the place "years ago". Sadly, it is 1.5 hours or so from Elgin. Ah, well...I love to drive.

As most of you may remember, Gram died in October 2002, soon after I joined here....and just 3 months before my last surgery.

It always amazed me the number of folks in there that did/do not have regular visitors...I can't imagine _not_ visiting or calling. Which reminds me, I need to call Gramps sometime yet today...I call him every Sunday. Appropriate, since he was a pastor ;).

This year, since Christmas Day is on Sunday, the chaplain at Pinecrest (the nursing home where Gram and Gramps moved...and where Gramps still is...though we are told he had a fever and some time of infection in the last week :() asked me to lead Pinecrest's regular Sunday service...so, I'll be leading that at 2p Christmas Day!


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Very Nice reminder to not forget those who looked after us for many years. My grandma recently went to a nursing home to undergo physical therapy on her legs. She suffered a heart attack and had a severe urinary tract infection. Luckily my mom had stopped over to see her and found her a mess and in a very confused state. Luckily she is recovering. She had no strength in her legs so she will be getting therapy in the nursing home. After that she will be going to live with my aunt and uncle. They recently remodeled their house and specificly made a place for my grandma so it was ready when she was no longer able to live alone. My aunt is trained as a nurse so my grandma will be in good hands. I know this Christmas will be hard for my grandma if she is still in the nursing home.

Thanks again for reminding us to not forget about our seniors, especially those who are alone.

Michelle
 
Michelle,

I am so happy your Grandma is doing better and hope she is recovered enough to be home for Christmas.
 
Brother is in assisted living. There are about 50 residents - mostly women (about 5-6 men). The staff is loving and generous. They nearly all (residents) eat together in a dining room, some 4 to a table, some 8. They sort of look out for each other - at least the ones who can. They worry about each other; they check on each other. It's like a small community. Many of them were born here or lived here much of their lives so are previously acquainted. Most have visitors, but some don't. One lady has been there since brother went in about 4 yrs ago and I have never seen her have a visitor. Staff members tell me there are some who don't have visitors at all. Our nursing home is a whole different story - some are 'put' there and forgotten. That is a shame.

When I have been in our nursing home, there are usually outsiders (not family members) who are visiting. When I was a square dance member, we went there once a month to dance for them and even those whose thoughts were not with us would tap their feet or move fingers in time to the music. Other organizations do the same. Some individuals adopt a nursing home resident. It says a lot for our town and I am proud for that - yet there are still some who have nobody to love and care.

If you are able, give your local nursing home a call to see what you can do. It might be only providing combs, toothbrush, soap or lotion. You just might get involved. Never know til you try. Or You could just mail hello cards to someone who never gets any. That takes no time at all and they love that. Just being remembered. Do it. Merry Christmas.
 
Nursing Homes

Nursing Homes

I think it depends on the locale of where you live... My father-in-law had to be put in one...and because we wanted him close by..the one he was in was so sad..:( Mainly Mountain people..long ago forgotten by their families.) Heard most were just dropped off..However, they were kind enough to put him in a private room and served his meals in his room. We had it fixed nice with recliner and T.V....we all knew he only had a few months.. and he never had to witness the sad ones in wheelchairs in halls, ect..with their heads drooped..We donated all his things to the less forunate ones when he passed.( 3 months).................Daddy was admitted into a very nice one..with all private rooms.We did the same thing. recliner, T.V., ect..However, he passed in his sleep. 10 days later...We had balloons, ect. for his 91st. birthday..2 days before he passed. I looked at the birthday chart..and asked that the balloon be carried down to a Lady celebrating her birthday..the day he passed.They were still full of air, ect. and lots of ribbons......There is one in a town not far from here..I will buy some soft candy and take to Nursing station and ask that it be given to those with no family..thanks..Geebee..for reminding me.:) Bonnie
 
I've had grandparents and mother in nursing homes. I've visited members of my congregations in nursing home for decades, and all of this is true. There are some wonderful nursing homes, staffed with caring people, but they are rare. The pay scale is often low, with a constant turnover of staff. The alert residents also know what it means when they have new residents: someone has died. Many get very few visitors, and are abandoned even by family. Nursery home residents rarely have any money left that hasn't been used to pay their rent.
I've had a church service in a retirement home nearby for some years now. The residents are mostly alert, and I've met some interesting people, but once again, they have very little family that visits them. Although some are members of churches, I've not heard of any church visiting their members there. We're hoping to go caroling there next Sunday.
If you feel charitable with your time this year, don't hesitate to visit a nursing home or retirement home; most would welcome a visit, especially if you call ahead and schedule a time to visit. If you want to take a present to a resident, what you bring isn't important; that you bring something will be thrilling. When you call to schedule a visit, ask about bringing something.
 
Nursing Home fees

Nursing Home fees

Correct me if I am wrong...but, Hubby's Father had Nursing Home pay for 1 year thru his Insurer..( In fact, hubby was refunded..9 months of left-over pay..quite a large amount...Daddy was admitted out of hospital for PT..for 100 days..Free. thru Medicare..IF, he had lived it out and was unable to leave for assisted living..We would have to have paid $3,000..a month. due to his assets, ect..........INCLUDING, his home, which we thought they could not take away.Talking with his Lawyer..he said, NOW, they can take your home away...after all cash, ect. is gone.(because Mama was not there)...........I remember talking with F/I/L's staff.. Most nursing home patients have NOTHING..and they take their S.S., ect..and only leave them $25.00 a month for haircuts, snacks, ect.......:( Bonnie
 
sadly, Bonnie, that is true. When all assets (cash, etc) are gone, Medicaid steps in, pays the bills. When the patient passes away, the home is confiscated to repay Medicaid (not speaking of Medicare here).

Where Medicare comes in, the doctor admits patient to nursing home, Medicare pays for 120 days of care (pretty sure it's that long unless they changed the rules) - then Medicaid takes over if there are no funds from patient's assets. Medicare paid for your daddy's care in total because he was not there very long so there shouldn't have been any bills to pay the nursing home. T

One thing - if any of you have now or in future - a loved one in a nursing facility, whether it's assisted living OR full nursing home. You should drop in on your family member at any hour of the day, including at night. That way you can check to be sure your loved one is receiving good care. When the staff knows that you are apt to 'drop by' they will be more careful of your loved one and make sure he/she is in good condition (clean, etc) at all times. They can be reported if your relative isn't properly taken care of and by dropping in unexpectedly, you will have proof one way or the other.

Thank you, Jim. At my brother's place, they have services, too. In fact, they have a minister and his wife who come in weekly and hold an open service. My brother's minister comes every two weeks to give him the Lord's Supper.
 
Bless You!

Bless You!

Gina, What a wonderful post! I own a share in a large victorian house and live here with four other members of our little coop. Two are a brother and sister, there is another single middle aged guy, and the 89 year old father of the siblings. He has Alzheimers. We ahve to have someone in the house with him at all times, and "childproof" any areas he has access to. He's locked in the house, out of, the kitchen, other's bedrooms, and all but his own bathroom. It is tough, but we are managing so far. We very rarely get days off. If you're not at work you are senior sitting. On the bright side, this is the guy that made all my meals when I was recovering from OHS. Nice to repay the favor. Sending you a big hug and lots of empathy. Brian
 
Thanks for the post, it is so sad. when Justin was little and a cub scout, we used to take them carroling to the nursing home and made the residents cards, they were the most grateful people I ever met and since they really did love the little cards the boys made, It made the boys feel good too. One of the walmarts by me has a senior tree this year. I thought it was great.
we actually have a pediatric facility near us (my niece works there) that is like a nursing home for children w/ medical issues. The children live there their whole lives. Some pf the parents are great, visit give the kids clothes (the facitlity only provides hospital gowns and pants) and even take the kids out for the day ect. but many many never visit or provide even one outfit a year. One year when Justin was little the kids that were medically able had tickets to go to one of the kid shows, it is alot of work to coordinate, but the place does take some kids to the events like that when tix are donated. I was so mad to hear some of the kids that could have gone medically and would have enjoyed it, had to stay back simply because they didn't own one outfit to wear. so I used to donate the clothes Justin out grew to them so hopefully the kids would own at least one outfit. I don't anymore only because his clothes are too big.
sorry I seem to have hijacked your thread about nursing homes. I will mention what you wrote to some of my other groups w/ younger families, so they can help, Lyn
 
Another thing about residents of

Another thing about residents of

nursing homes - they love little children and they adore animals. So, if any of you has a docile pet that you think would love to be petted and hugged by some seniors, then ask your local nursing home about visiting them. Of course, you will need to be approved and I am not sure what other formalities you would need to go through.

I found when I volunteered for bingo that most of the folks were very upbeat - I remember thinking how weird it would be to be taken out of your home you had lived in for years and put in this place - just waiting to die. However, most of the people in nursing homes have lived a loooong, long life and they welcome death and seeing their loved ones who have gone on before. They seem very appreciative and grateful to have lived the life they have. Yes, some seem very sad and I can totally relate to them also.

My grandmother was put into a nursing home at the very end of her life, after having lived in her own home for 95 years independently. She was SOOOO sad - she said that the workers in the nursing home didn't care about her and she understood why - she was just a "number." Grandma was visited a lot in the few months she lived there. She just "wanted to get it over with" meaning she wanted to die and go on. She was fiesty but had a great faith also.

Our nursing home here in Estes Park is one of the best I have ever seen - the activities director is a dear, caring woman who has brought life and happiness to those residents with many neat activities for them to do. It all depends on the facility, that is for sure. This is a small community and that does make a difference. A lot of the residents of the nursing home have been brought here from other parts of the country to be near a son or daughter who lives in Estes Park.

Christina L
 
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