Sense of impending doom from a health crisis

[Duff Man]

Who else has felt a sensation of impending doom distinctly different than anxiety that accompanied a bigger heart/cardiovascular problem? Do you think it's a symptom - our bodies trying to tell us something - or is it just an emotional problem?

It seems like many doctors would argue any form of anxiety is purely just a pathological issue with the psyche, but many articles written about cardiac crises say that anxiety or a sense of impending doom is a symptom.

When I had my pulmonary embolism, I just had this creepy feeling I was going to die, and the feeling wouldn't go away for several days before the pain became bad enough to make me to go in. I think it's still with me a little sometimes... I'm a couple months out.

Sorry about the morose topic.

 

[MarkU]

I can't say that I ever had a sense of "impending doom", but I have (and still do) suffer from bouts of depression since my surgery. It's gotten better over the years, but I still occasionally get the "blues". Sometimes it's triggered by something specific, other times it just kind of hits me.
Mark

 

[AgilityDog]

Well, sometimes it's telling us something. Before my MVR, even before the respiratory illness that shot my mitral valve to hell and gone, I had a sense for a couple of months that something was wrong. Like a train was going to hit me. I said to several people that I wasn't sure which was going to come first: a good vacation or a major illness.

Of course, my "baby" sister had just died in January after battling leukemia for 10 months, followed by everyone getting strep/scarlet fever at the funeral from some of the kids. Everyone was worn out, physically and emotionally. But my virus which triggered the bronchitis hit in late March, and my valve let go April 12. Maybe my valve was telling me something after the scarlet fever???? Maybe it had already had enough, and the bronchitis was the last straw??

 

[Mentu]

Duff, you have had a lot happen in your life recently. At a similar time in my own life, I too felt a sense that my life was ending and the world was weighing me down. This followed the death of my Father. My family Doctor helped me deal with it. She began by helping treat my depression and then performed an annual physical which led to following the stenosis of my heart valve more closely. With time, the depression lifted and I began to enjoy my life again. Two years later, when my aortic valve began to degrade more rapidly, I began to experience a loss of energy and shortness of breath after activities that had never been a problem before. This also led me back into depression. For convenience, we speak of our bodies as being separate from our minds but this is an artificial division. The point I am trying to make is that depression can be the product of different types of issues that effect how we feel as we live our lives. I would encourage you to speak with your doctor about your sense of doom and your concerns about your heart; both can be treated.

Larry

 

[Duff Man]

For convenience, we speak of our bodies as being separate from our minds but this is an artificial division. The point I am trying to make is that depression can be the product of different types of issues that effect how we feel as we live our lives. I would encourage you to speak with your doctor about your sense of doom and your concerns about your heart; both can be treated.

Larry

I'd talk to my doctor about both issues, but I don't tolerate antidepressants very well Really though, if you go to a doctor with the complaint "I feel like I'm going to die",
just expect to have your health issue dismissed. I would definitely just stick to tangible problems.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'd love to hear more. The topic of heart problems in relation to psychology and social constructs really interests me. I personally think there's a massive misunderstanding in the health care industry about mental health and disease processes.

 

[carolinemc]

I have a friend who hated me for saying what if I don't make through the surgery. It is just anxiety mixed with emotions we can't control when facing health challanges. I have gotten better about seeing a future on earth.

 

[Duff Man]

I have a friend who hated me for saying what if I don't make through the surgery. It is just anxiety mixed with emotions we can't control when facing health challanges. I have gotten better about seeing a future on earth.

Yeah, I particularly enjoy the resentful friend and family treatment.. somehow it's become socially unacceptable to be concerned about a legitimately serious health problem. I've learned to pretty much keep it to myself, if only because people rarely have the capacity to understand. When did crappy health become offensive to society? They would argue it's not your health, it's your attitude, and then recite platitudes about cancer survivors who willed their way to a cure. They might even infer that you're causing your health problems. If you hadn't made your surgery, it would've been your fault -- because your attitude was just too negative. I think your friend hated you for making her feel uncomfortable, more than anything.

Empathy may in fact be acquired. I will concede that a positive outlook is very important in alot of challenging situations, but sometimes too much positivity just isn't realistic.

 

[Bina]

I also had a severe shock of a death in my family before my OHS. My Mom passed away in 2003 and several months later my cardio wanted me to get the AVR done. I refused, it was just too much to handle at the time. I stalled until 2005 when I could no longer function and my GP doc said I could die within 1-2 years. My husband and family encouraged me to get fixed up. This has been a huge thing to deal with for me. My whole life I was raised to be strong, non-emotional, and independant. It's been a long road trying to make changes in the way that I think about, relate to, and deal with medical and emotional issues.
Duffman, probably the best thing you can do is talk to people like the ones here on VR. We "get it".

 

[Marguerite53]

I love your signature; In the Living Room. However.... what I hear from you in this thread is actually what so many of us experience while we are in the Waiting Room. It is not a fun place all the time!

I definitely had a sense of doom creep in every once in awhile while I was living my 3 years in the Waiting Room. My life was so hectic and full of joyful family, though, that it really never lingered long enough to feel like more than a day when I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep, you know? What you describe almost sounds a little like PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; albeit a smoldering, low level kind. Regardless of how you or your doctors want to view it -- apart from your body, in tandem with your body, just in your mind -- the fact is that it is THERE. And its being there is taking you away from something else -- presumably taking you away from more pleasantries in your life. So you have to choose. Do I want to spend time endlessly debating these things in my mind, or do I want to try some pills and counseling that might shut them all up in a closet in my mind so I don't have to be bothered with them.

I wonder, how much time do you spend hashing this stuff over in your head? Might a little stopwatch be useful? Why don't you time yourself each time you plow your mind through its latest conundrum. PLEASE understand, I am totally supportive, understanding and empathetic with your wanderings; been there, done that -- mine is an earnest idea. I am thinking that it is a way to put things into perspective for you. If you find you are spending 45 minutes a day lost in worry, then take another 45 minutes and go watch Comedy Central or something. Balance your worry time with some true pleasant time. Try to diminish or erase that time you spend thinking about things. Free up that time. Then fill it with something that truly does keep you in the Living Room.

Putting things in perspective was one way I managed to cope. I used it the 3 times I was pregnant, too. I just looked at the whole of my life up until then and calculated that these unpleasant waiting times were just a tiny percentage of my whole entire life and that I would just accept whatever form was coming at me. But, when the heart thing hit for real, I was in my 50's. I had gained a lot of perspective by then and I'm sure my acceptance was just easier by virtue of my age. You kids in your 20's and 30's are barely able to concede that you are not immortal! This is counter-intuitive stuff for you at this age!! I get it. We get it! It's difficult!

Well, hoping this helps you a little.

:smile2: Marguerite

 

[ShezaGirlie]

But, when the heart thing hit for real, I was in my 50's. I had gained a lot of perspective by then and I'm sure my acceptance was just easier by virtue of my age. You kids in your 20's and 30's are barely able to concede that you are not immortal! This is counter-intuitive stuff for you at this age!! I get it. We get it! It's difficult!

Absolutely Duff Man ~ Marguerite is spot on..! I was also in my 50's and the only thing I could think of pre-surgery was my life post-surgery and how I choose to view and live the rest of my life. Eleven years later I'm still givin' it my best shot..!!

 

[Shobu]

The time between my initial diagnosis of BAV and surgery was so short that there wasn't much time for feeling doom although I was probably more in shock than anything else. After the first surgery my cardiologist said I'd be depressed a few weeks after the surgery, and sure enough it hit me hard, but slowly went away as I got better. No real support at home or anywhere else, just dealt with it and it seemed to go away.
For the second surgery I was going through a bitter divorce when I was told I needed more surgery so was stressed anyway, and put off surgery as long as possible (few months) till the final trial was over. Didn't need that kind of stress from a vicious ex while I was post-op. After surgery I had a little depression, but nothing like the first (mostly due to a lot more complications post-op) but had so much more support at home this time around from loved ones and even better post op care than the first time around, so I am certain that helped. My rehab after the initial complications has also gone very well, and home life is so much better now, that depression is a non-issue at this stage.
Having people around that truly love and support you, docs that are genuinely interested in your well being, as well as having specific goals post-op (in my case, fitness levels, getting back to martial arts and scuba, traveling to specific places overseas as health, time, money allow) have all been key to my getting better mentally as well as physically. I did a lot of positive visualization immediately post-op, some meditation, kept a positive frame of mind (as much as I could) over the weeks (now months) post-op which has helped immensely. Not everything has been good, but knowing what I went through before, as well as preparing my loved ones for what I knew might or would happen afterwards was a big help.
I truly believe there is a link between your heart and how you feel mentally, whether that is due to blood-flow/perfusion and it's effects, our autonomic nervous system, just having the knowledge something is wrong with a critical organ, or whatever. Without taking the mental side into account, especially post-op I think it's pretty easy to get stuck in depression/anger cycles which has to have a negative effect on your recovery. I think this is especially true if you are suffering with things post-op like afib, medication side effects, palps, etc.
Anyway sorry for the extreme length, I just agree with Duff Man that this is an important issue, and pre and post-op care may not be geared towards addressing these issues in patients.

 

[normofthenorth]

Hi, folks, newbie here. I just scheduled OHS for Dec. 1, to replace a BAV and my Aortic root, and maybe to repair or even replace my MV -- as long as they're "there"!(!!)

I've been waiting for this for around 5 years, since the BAV was diagnosed. 65 y.o. now, and I've been hyper-active, playing competitive volleyball with a bunch of 30-somethings until quite recently.

I'm one of the "glass half-full" crowd in general, never been down for long, much less clinically depressed. But I've had maybe half a dozen really intense episodes of "sense of impending doom", all in the last decade. I think mine are neurological rather than emotional. Mine started before I even knew I had a BAV, so there's no connection there, at least emotionally. I've had them checked out, and they've been (tentatively) diagnosed as a weird form of "icepick headache", a nasty-but-transient and uncommon symptom developed by some migraine sufferers (which I used to be). Unlike most icepick headaches, mine haven't been painful at all, just incredibly awful.

I'll be sitting down, minding my own business (mostly at the computer where I "live", but sometimes in the car), when a huge wave of SOMETHING washes over me. Unbelievably powerful stuff. "Impending Doom" is as good a description as any, or maybe just "Doom". The first time, I was sure I was dying, right there and then! I've uttered a big groan maybe each time, and felt the worse for wear afterwards, either for a few minutes or sometimes for hours. After one of them, I felt I'd lost a bunch of IQ points and memory for the rest of the day, but not with the others.

Mind you, I'm not all that tickled about facing OHS in 4 weeks, and maybe finally ending my volleyball "career" after resisting that for so long -- but this is definitely different from "just" dreading that. And if these miserable "things" I've experienced are really TIAs, or something that might happen more frequently while I'm recovering from the OHS, then I'm even less tickled than I thought I was!

A University buddy of mine got an AVR and a new ARoot about a year ago, and he said he had "migraine-like symptoms" (visual auras) afterwards, that had faded to only "maybe one minute every other day" by 9 or 10 months later. Is there a thread here that discusses those kinds of post-op complications, or is he unique?

 

[Duffey]

Hi, Norm!:smile2:
Glad you found us, wish it were under different circumstances.
If you do an advanced search, using post-op complications or visual aura, you will find many threads in the Post surgery Forum.
Duff Man, I can't say that I had those feelings post-op. I felt doomed, so I suppose no need for the "impending" part.:wink2:
I will say, five years out, I feel good emotionally if not always physically.:thumbup:

 

[Kathy McCain]

Yes, I guess you could say pre-op I did have a sense of impending doom. My husband kept telling me I needed to be more optomistic and positive, but it was difficult. It' okay though NOT to feel strong and brave at times. I also believe it is quiet normal. It's part of the human condition. I think people need to have their feelings validated, even negativity, or "impending doom".

I don't tolerate, or really like anti-depressants either, I can TOTALLY relate to that.

Take care

 

[Gail in Ca]

Yes, I had this happen to me just before my 2nd AVR. I didn't know my valve had taken a turn for the worse after I was given a fluid overload during a cardiac cath, which put me into CHF, but after a night in the hospital I was sent home. So, I thought I was okay. But, a few nights later I awoke at about midnight with a bad back pain and just a bad feeling. I got up and sat on the sofa until about 1:30am, just getting this feeling that something was terribly wrong. I did indeed feel some impending doom. I finally woke up my husband and said 'I think I need to go the the ER.' There they found my BP was 90/19 and my valve was in very bad shape. I was sent by ambulance to Stanford, and was put on the fast track for Dr Miller, whom I hadn't even met, yet, to do my surgery. I sure believe we need to pay attention to these feelings we have. They have saved my life twice, now.

 

[Guest]

I also had a severe shock of a death in my family before my OHS. My Mom passed away in 2003 and several months later my cardio wanted me to get the AVR done.

Similar here....

As some of you may remember, shortly after I joined this site, my grandmother (Mom's mom) died ... October 2002. A couple months later, I learned I had to have my 3rd open heart surgery, January 2003. At the time of the tests, I thought I was just tired/sad/depressed from Gram's death, but the tests proved that my "not so up to par" feelings were more than just grief.



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