Quiet Now

[Glenda]

I have noticed and other people too that I am quieter now since I have had my AVR. It will be a year on June 2. It seems I don't join in conservation like I used to. I notice myself listening more. Is this something that comes from the surgery itself or is it just me. As I'm getting older, I'm finally keeping my mouth shut! ! LOL My husband would say "Praise the Lord!" My daughter-in-law mentioned it to my daughters today. Of course I have to be constantly on guard around her. She literally takes everything I say wrong. I'm damned if I do, or damed if I don't. (know the saying?)

Has anyone else had this unexpected blessing?

 

[McCln]

Glenda

Glenda

Mine is the calm from not stressing as much as I did before surgery. I stressed about everything. Now, here is an example of me now. I am trying to get a bike for exercise and outdoor fun. It is hard to to since I do not drive and am trying to get help from my brother. Called a store about if the bikes are in boxes while at the store before they are assembled. Some are, some not. I am trying to be patient and not stress over this till get to the store. My brother is willing to put the bike together. So this problem will be worked out soon. And not stressing. People have different experiences after surgery that changes their outlook. Good luck in finding others here sharing their experiences. You have a good day.

 

[Ross]

Glenda I think it's all in how your surgery went and what kind of experience you had. Some folks have a hard time even reading about this stuff afterwards much less participating in conversation.

 

[Glenda]

I've been thinking about it. I also think that people (unless they have been through it) have no idea what happened to you. This is why this web site is so great. At least you are talking to people that "have been there, done that."

I know I have been through so much these past five years. Maybe it's just catching up with me. First, breast cancer, then kidney cancer, now living with CML (leukemia) along with the AVR. Also I was the one that found my father-in-law when he committed suicide two years ago. Sometime I ask myself why am I still here? God has to have a purpose for all this.

 

[Marguerite53]

you have been through so much!

you have been through so much!

Glenda. Maybe the quiet is a very good thing. Maybe it means you are becoming more reflective. Drinking it all in and giving it thought. You were probably doing the hustle and bustle for so long that now that you have time to take a breath and think, you are finding it to be very rewarding and quieting.

I believe you began volunteering recently, didn't you? I'm sure you're a very good listener for those who need an ear. A different kind of giving.

Enjoy! Marguerite

 

[hensylee]

nope. not me.

 

[Yaps]

I am quieter

I am quieter

I think its more of a fear of another heart attack..you know, visions of Fred Sanford clutching his chest" its the big one Elizabeth", I rarely get angry as it dosent seem worth it.There are larger things in life now. Does that make sense? Love the pup

 

[Glenda]

I most certainly agree with all of you. Things just don't bother me like they used to.

Marguerite I know you are right. I've always worked and have been so very busy in the hustle and bustle of life. Now I can set back and relax and enjoy life so much more.

Yaps I don't find myself getting angry but I do find I get hurt by unkind words especially from family members. I know I need to over look it. It's their problem, not mine but it still hurts!

Thanks again for all your kind wishes.

 

[Wise]

nope. not me.

Ann, how come this isn't a surprise? (LOL)

Glenda, bless your heart, you have been through so much. I really admire your spirit and attitude (and reliance on God, of which I could stand to learn from). I'm glad things are more mellow for you now. Now you can tell Olivia Newton-John, "Yes, I have been mellow, thank you very much." Have a good day!

 

[PJmomrunner]

I've been thinking about it. I also think that people (unless they have been through it) have no idea what happened to you. This is why this web site is so great. At least you are talking to people that "have been there, done that."

I know I have been through so much these past five years. Maybe it's just catching up with me. First, breast cancer, then kidney cancer, now living with CML (leukemia) along with the AVR. Also I was the one that found my father-in-law when he committed suicide two years ago. Sometime I ask myself why am I still here? God has to have a purpose for all this.

I'm still "in the waiting room," but I am already amazed by the people who I have seen within the last month who ask me, "So when is your surgery? Or have you already had it?" I think to myself, "If I had had it between the last time you saw me and now, I would not be standing here like my old self." So, I am sure you are right, Glenda, that people just don't get it! Heck, I don't fully "get it" yet!

 

[Mary]

I don't know Glenda. There might be a physiological basis for it. After the mini-stroke last spring and again this time, I am hesitant to talk. It's not that I'm thinking, "Gee, I don't want to talk to them," I am just reluctant to.

I also find that it is tiring. It kind of wears me out to get in a lengthy conversation. I've also noticed that the first few days I was moody. In a conversation with my sister, who was questioning whether I was taking care of myself, I started crying. I felt like she was being mean to me. I knew she wasn't, but my brain felt like she was! LOL!

The flip side is, I find it relaxing to be on the forum. Maybe because there is
more time to process my thoughts, and I control whether I respond or not. I think it's possible since my brain was "whacked" a little bit, it's still dealing with the residual effects. Maybe having the replacement, and being on the pump, has done something similar to you.

If you figure it out, let me know!
Mary

 

[ShezaGirlie]

A vote for Glenda..

A vote for Glenda..

I vote for Glenda as one of the strongest people on VR.COM. You've been through so much and remain such a positive inspiration to mounds of people.. me included!

And I know exactly what y'all are talking about.. I also do weird things I never did before...like paid my VISA bill twice, forgot my backpack with passport and other valuables in a public place... Showed up a day early for a luncheon date...gosh embarrassing, but only for a second as I don't 'allow' things to bother me.

Pre-surgery, I was a type A person and now I call myself a type Z gal. I don't worry about much (well, maybe nothing?) and tend to surround myself with people who are only positive and uplifting. You all are so right when you say people don't know how we feel if they've not been there, done that. That's it in a nutshell.

 

[Granbonny]

Hi Twin Sister

Hi Twin Sister

Glenda and I share the same birthday..June 10th..but, I am her big sister by 3 years. ...All of my people have always called me the Mouth of the South ..After my surgery...I noticed that friends were making fun of me because I wanted to talk about my surgery. (Not friends..anymore)..I was trying to tell 2 friends that I thought their Hubby's should have their INR'S checked more than every 3 months...(they were taking coumadin) ..One told me, I was obsessed. Well, her hubby had a nosebleed that made him pass out, hit his head..and 911 was called. The other one told me the same thing. Well, he died a few months ago, wintering in AZ.... I saw him before he left last Oct. and looked good...Don't know what happened. She is suppose to come back in May...They have a house down the road from me..that they spent their summers here. I sent her a card (they post on local community board)but, I will stop in when she comes back...Will be interesting to find out what happened to him......That was a few months after my surgery..I decided then..I will not talk to people who put me down. I am still a very, caring person....but, I think all people are fighting a battle..and I have decided not to butt in...Besides, Hubby and I live our own lives and I don't want anyone asking me personal questions, either. It's so funny. I used to call my kids all the time...now, when I miss a few days..they call me. I know, I post a LOT on VR....guess it's because people don't ask private questions. Take care..and yes, I admire you, too. Bonnie

 

[tobagotwo]

Less talking after surgery? Less writing? Surely you jest...

Glenda, you are an amazing treasure. Your spirit is absolutely indomitable, but you have the heart of a dove. I am in awe of what you have been through and your incredible ability to take things in stride. As a yardstick of humanity, you would be very hard to measure to indeed.

Sometimes I feel that I have understandings of things that I ignored before. I have more empathy, at least openly.

Maybe things just move too fast for us to appreciate routine life, and we need to be knocked down a notch. Sometimes I think I might have been moving so fast that God was aiming for my butt, and clipped my valve instead...

Best wishes,

 

[T-Money]

Thoughts on Less Talking

Thoughts on Less Talking

Hi.
Interesting point. I've noticed that I can't talk like I used to, but I just had my surgery a week ago. I think my lungs are stiill getting back into shape. I notice that when I talked on the phone today I ran out of breath on a few occassions and started coughing. I don't seem to have this problem when I'm on my walks, so I don't know.

 

[Barry]

My friends rather wish that I didn't talk as much as I used to.

 

[perrybucsdad]

Wow... I wish I was more like most of you. I've been through some tough situations and I seem to keep getting more uptight and stressed. My oldest son constantly talks back to me and we argue, then my wife get's mad at both of us, etc, etc. I get so stressed out over the money situation, people, etc. I wish there was something I could take or do to make me a type B person.

 

[Barry]

... I wish there was something I could take or do to make me a type B person.

Alas, all the things you can take to feel less stressed are addicting. Only arguable exception I can think of is pot, and I wouldn't recommend using pot for that for a variety of reasons.

You might consider stress-management counseling.

I've found that the best quick-fix for feeling stressed is to go for a walk.

 

[Glenda]

Bob, leave it to you, you have such a way with words. You can always make me laugh! I think you're right about understanding things better. I do find myself sympathizing with people more.

T-Money - my goodness, it's only been a week! I wasn't tracking very well at all after only a week. You're doing great! It takes a while to get your lungs up and working good again.

Bonnie, my wonderful twin! You are a dear! What you say is so true.

Wise Smith, my attitude isn't always what it should be, but God does have a way of bringing me to my knees.

Mary, you are so right. When people ask "How are you?" I don't think they really want to know. It's just a form of greeting. Besides I really wouldn't want them to know!

Janie, you are so kind, thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

[geebee]

.... but I do find I get hurt by unkind words especially from family members. I know I need to over look it. It's their problem, not mine but it still hurts!.....

I understand this statement. I think we appreciate and love our family even more after "bad" things happen. I have also come to realize that the people I love the most can hurt me the most, especially with harsh words. The words seem to be like "knives" sometimes. However, I seem to be less affected (if at all) by harsh words from strangers.

And Glenda, God's plan for you is visible everytime you write a post. Your kind, inspirational words, along with the challenges you have met head on, have made significant differences in the lives of the people who "live in" & visit this site. AND, you volunteer also. If that is not living God's plan, I don't know what is.

Sorry if I embarassed you but, truth is truth.