Paranoid?

[TammyM]

Anyone else go through periods of feeling totally paranoid?
I am doing well. My last cardiologist visit/echo was in October and everything looked great! No problems. So, there should be NO logical reason for me to worry.
BUT, sometimes I really do. This weekend I was not feeling well (a fever) and all I could think of was that it was my heart. Of course, it went away and I feel just fine now.
Before OHS, I was never a worrier and always an optimist. Now, I feel like a totally different person sometimes.
Anyone else go through this at times?
Tammy

 

[maka]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH YES! I think it's normal.
Whenever it happens to me, I try to remember the time I had a nose operation for a deviated septum....I was positive everyone was going to bump into my nose.....now, really, when was the last time anyone even touched your nose? but we get so aware of our conditions that can't help it

 

[sue943]

Yes. I am seriously considering having counselling, I think this must almost be like having post traumatic shock syndrome. If I could have just one day when I get a good night's sleep and my waking thought isn't to do with what happened to me, it would be bliss.

 

[hensylee]

yes, my dear. You are one of 'the group' now, the group who is very conscious that we have a heart and must guard it (which we don't have to). I am 6+ yrs out from heart surgery and very conscious of heart issues; tho my surgery was for several bypasses and not valves. I truly believe that we are changed after heart surgery in many ways - one of them being that we are very aware of the danger we WERE in even tho we are not now in that same spot. If you are clicking, that's a gentle reminder, too. It will get less as time goes on, but I must tell you that when something happens, I go to heart first. (so does my dr) I bet most of us do. Maybe, also, that's why some of us long timers are still here! Guess you just have to accept that it's a new part of your consciousness. (or unconsciousness?)

 

[MikeHeim]

Absolutely! I'm embarrassed to say that when I do any kind of strenuous workout, all I can think about is my breathing, and whether or not I am more out of breath than I "should be". Exercise used to be my release, but now it causes more stress than the rest of my life! Every little sickness I have I almost automatically assume is the onset of Endocarditis. At one point I didn't go to a doctor for over six years, now I feel like I'm there every other month - most of the time for what turns out to be nothing.

Everyone gets little aches and pains, it's just now that (like you said) I don't shrug them off. I actually just start to worry about them. I assume that this will all get better with time and that at some point I will no longer consider myself a "heart patient", but I have to admit that this is more of a hope than a certainty.

 

[Karlynn]

Put me on the list. In the defense of all of us, we did have our chests cracked open and had our hearts man-handled in order to make us better. I think my paranoia comes from desperately not wanting to have a repeat of the way I felt prior to my surgery.

It's kind of like getting a new car. You've just spend a lot of money on it, have high expectations for what it will mean in your life, so when you hear a little rattle, you thing "Oh, no!"

My "paranoia" has decreased significantly over 15 years, but I still have it rear it's ugly head occasionally.

 

[kodi]

Wow, I hadn't thought of it as paranoia but I guess that's what it is. Thanksgiving day was 7 weeks post surgery for me and I never had a problem. Sunday I had stomach pains that wouldn't go away (and I was 350 miles from home). I kept thinking maybe I was starting a post-surgery complication or one of those dreaded things discussed on this forum. Monday was a little better, Tuesday was almost as bad as Sunday. Today I'm pretty good. I'm sure it was just a touch of stomach flu which I would have never given second thoughts to. Nice not to be alone.

 

[Barbara Stewart]

I had my first surgery May, 2005. Since then I've had another OHS and a pacemaker implanted. You bet I worry about my health! My pacemaker is a new acquisition so I'm worried about it almost constantly. I'm not supposed to talk on my cell phone on the left ear, which is the one I usually use, and when I slip up I worry. I hope it gets better and I'm sure it will, but the fact remains, I am a heart patient and always will be. There is only one heart in our bodies, no backup like kidneys or lungs.
I hate it.
Barbara

 

[sue943]

At this moment in time I have a toothache, a bottom tooth on the left side at the back of my mouth - but do I have a toothache? This isn't the first time in recent weeks. Recently I got this pain in that tooth, insisted on seeing a dentist the same day (scared of endocarditis), he took off my crown and cleaned the area. I have had tootheache in that tooth several times since - last week he fitted a new temporary crown. Painkillers haven't touched the pain - then of course I have the sort of spasms in the middle of my chest right by my valves. Add that to a painful left shoulder...

All I can say is thank goodness I am seeing my new cardiologist tomorrow morning.

 

[sue943]

Its no good, paranoid or not, I ended up telephoning the duty doctor (GP) and then getting my friend to take me to the hospital to be checked out by him. He thinks my heart is fine, that it must be my gums, he said there is some problem there. He checked my urine and found blood++ and raised white cells! At least I can tell this to the cardiologist in the morning, I will get the results of the urine test on Friday - it is all good fun.

 

[EireCara]

*Sue, Im glad your seeing your cardio tomorrow. And I hope everything works out and you get some relief from your painful tooth and shoulder. Let us know how you get on. Best Wishes 8)

 

[Marguerite53]

I think what you are feeling is a natural result of the experience.

Perhaps you can do as I have tried to do. Turn the concern into simple consciousness. Be conscious that you have a "new" heart that you want to protect. Be conscious that life is precious. Acknowledge these things, but don't let them turn into a deep review of every nuance of pain or sensation. You had faith in your surgeon....now have faith in your body!!

As for me, I find triumph wherever I can. Like when I see a steep hill ahead of me and I get to the top and my heart is not beating out of my chest like a cartoon character, and I'm not dizzy or out of breath. I stop and smile, sometimes laugh! I'm sure people around me think I'm nuts, but I don't care.....I'm being positive and grateful! Helps keep the heebie geebies away if you always try to keep the "glass half full".

Marguerite

 

[catwoman]

Tammy:

I felt somewhat paranoid the first 18-24 months or so post-op. Not long ago, my mom commented that I seldom talk about my heart issues, and I told her that it does take a while post-op before you feel comfortable, assured or whatever that you truly are going to be OK. At least, that's the way with me, because my valve degenerated so quickly and I was feeling so badly pre-op.

 

[WayneGM]

I'm finding I'm a bit paranoid in crowded places, like elevators. My chest is still sensitive to being bumped so I find myself really on-guard in crowds. Surprisingly, I'm not feeling paranoid about the heart itself

 

[Guest]

Anyone else go through periods of feeling totally paranoid?

*nods*

Oh my yes..... Whenever something "doesn't feel right" ... I am just about immediately "paranoid" about what it "might be".... Then, of course, when things work out ... I feel "dumb" for not relaxing first....

*sighs*




Cort:33swm."Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip".pig valve.pacemaker
Soon:new pics+revision = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
"I know I told you that I could survive" ... Deborah Allen ... 'Baby I Lied'

 

[afraidofsurgery]

Totally delayed paranoia

Totally delayed paranoia

Gee, thanks for the post.

I felt utterly invicible after my surgery until lately. I don't really feel paranoid about something being wrong with my heart or new valve, but I do all of a sudden feel the seriousness of what I went through over a year ago. Maybe it's the onset of the dark and cold winter weather, or that work has slowed down and I have a chance to reflect.

It's so dang annoying!! I liked the invincible feelings much much better

I keep reminding myself everything is most excellent in my life right now (which it really is for a change!), and I try to schedule in more things that are a treat for me (but I'm so responsible I have trouble doing this!). Yep. Post-traumatic stress syndrome, textbook symptoms.

Feel better!
Patty

 

[Ozmercy]

High Anxiety!

High Anxiety!

I think that anyone who doesn't struggle with a bit of anxiety after all we have been through has another problem with denial. Pretending that you don't have issues when you do can lead to big problems. So many of us have all said that they did not know how sick they were because of taking their growing problems in stride. I look back now and realize I was writing everything off to age or being out of shape etc. I have had a bevy of emotions and concerns and I think it is all healthy that you have these various thoughts. What is not good is when you don't learn to deal with the emotions and thoughts. Denying them is the same as denying the physical symptoms. I have never felt bad enough to seek out professional help but I do talk with the people in my support system and vent my concerns. My wife is a great listener and helps me keep my feet on the ground.

There are a couple of things I do that have helped me.
1. My faith tells me that there is a meaning to all that happens in life. I know some believe this, some don't. It has been a great comfort to me though.
2. I always ask people here or Dr. friends etc. when something is going on that might be a symptom. I try not to overdue it but I don't hesitate to call my cardiologist if i am concerned.
3. I talk to my friends about my anxieties.
4. I pray about the things that bother me. Even if you are just into meditation it is good to off load your issues. For me I feel like I am giving it to God. There is a verse in the Bible that says "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything, and the peace of God that passes understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." That helps me a lot to off load my fears.
4. I avoid negativity like the plague. Whether it is people who are negative or the news, if it brings you down I walk away. I avoid it and concentrate on my life and being the best I can be.
5. I heard a quote awhile ago that when you are faced with life and death situations you can either start dying or keep on living. I choose to keep on living. I am trying to pour myself into all the good stuff in life and make that my daily focus. Family, friends, service, positive stuff. I am also trying to enjoy recreation more It makes me feel good and gets my mind off the scary stuff.
6. I listen to positive music. Whether it is classical or Emmy Lou Harris, or Christmas music this time of year, i listen to stuff that builds me up. I love worship music I just enjoy relaxing and letting the music take me somewhere else.

Well that is my perspective and I know that there are others who handle things in a different way, but what is most important is that we take our symptoms seriously enough to talk with someone about it and that we do the same with our anxieties.

Randy