OHS for Christmas

[codeman]

My wife is DinahS she has a thread on the presurgery forum. She is having AVR on 12/28 and then a couple of days after having an AICD implanted.

She had her valve repaired about 5 years ago.

The thing that I need to now is how to deal with the few days of not talking to her. I love my wife more than anything and we talk a lot. We talk on the phone to each other during work hours a least 2 or 3 times a day and that is before we talk to each other all the way home from work on the phone. As you can see we talk all the time. The thing that drove me insane last time was not being able to talk to her and hear her voice. If I have a headache she can touch me and it is gone. If I need someone to talk to she is always there. But the last surgery was so hard on me. I could not tell her how I felt and hear her tell me that everything will be OK.

I know that sounds weird but my wife means everything to me. I have to have her by me. I have 100% blockage on the right side, and have an A type personality. So I am on the move all the time. She helps to slow me down.

I am hoping that she will not be in surgery as long as she was last time. She was under for almost 8 hrs. She had scar tissue from when she had surgery as a child so it took a little longer. Now she has scar tissue from both of the other surgery's and the AICD going in then coming out. They have to put that back in before she goes home.

I am ready for a new year. My Dad died in Feb. of this year, My wife goes into the hospital in March b/c of an infection then has to have her AICD taken out, Then we find out that she is going to have to have valve replacement surgery and after that have her AICD put back in. I need a new year......

Please let me know if you have any ideas. Any would be welcome.

 

[geebee]

Codeman,

Welcome to our second home and we will help you through this tough time. As we know, your part is, in many ways, harder than being the patient. We get to sleep through surgery, you have to wait and worry.

I think it is important for you to talk to your wife about your fears. I am sure you will find she has similar fears and talking about them can make it easier.

There are many of us who have had multiple surgeries and made it through just fine. It is a little harder to recover from each one but recovery does happen. There is some comfort in knowing what to expect but it can be a little tougher also.

Please stick around. We will be here to listen and offer as much comfort as possible.

 

[codeman]

I am not going any where. My wife and I have been reading the forums every day. Talking about the ones that we read together. She is trying to get a friend of mine that always makes me laugh to come and sit with me for a couple of days. I hope he gets to.

 

[geebee]

Laughter is very good medicine - to paraphrase an old quote. Although this is a very serious time, pre-surgery is a great time to be happy, spend time together, and plan that first, post-surgery vacation. My post-surgery vacations just got better and better - Cape Cod for the first, St. Thomas for the second and Hawaii for the third. I hope I never have another but, if I do, I am insisting on an African safari after.

Glad to hear you and your wife have open communication - it makes things so much easier. Take care.

 

[hensylee]

welcome to VR, Codeman. We certainly aren't a substitute for a spouse, but we are very dependable when a shoulder is needed - or company. Somebody's here 24/7 from all round the globe.

Since you have already been through this once, you know what to expect. That experience has given you enough knowledge to make plans. You'll probably spend lots of time at the hospital. You could take some time off work, if possible, and sit with her. Someone needs to be aorund the first few days anyhow to be sure she gets all she needs. Be her advocate.

Everybody gets through it somehow. We each just have to find our niche.

 

[Phyllis]

It's amazing the strength that we, the family of the patient find, when we need it. You will be fine and we are always hear to listen when you need a shoulder. Wishing you both the best and a speedy and uneventful recovery so that you can start a new year with good health and nothing but good news. I put your wife on the calendar for the 28th.

 

[Lynlw]

Hi I know pretty much how you feel, except it wasn't my husband, it was my son that had heart surgeries.like your wife, Justin was born w/ CHD and had his 1st surgery @ 10 days. In May Justin is 17 andjust had his 4th open heart surgery (8th surgery) and had alot of scar tissue, his heart was fused to his sternum, but luckily we knew that before they opened him. If it is any consolation, they seem to be getting people off the vent asap now. Justin's surgeon actually was going to try and have him off before he got to CICU, he wasn't quite ready, but he was off in 5 hours post op. when he was on the vent, he was awake when we saw him right after surgery.he wrote things, granted it was hard to read because he already has trouble writing andw/ the meds , well, but we were able to talk the first night, (his first question was if the O's won lol)
I know it is so tough seeing someone you love go thru this and how you much rather it be you. please remember there will be alot of people praying and we will be here if you need to talk. BTW you both are incredibly Blessed that you found someone that you love so much. Lyn

ps speaking of CHD please see my post in heart talk about trying to get a CHD Bill passed, since many of the people here were born w/ heart defects, you know how important this is, at the bottom of the post is a link to the resolution if you want to read it

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Codeman

I think all families/so's are in the same boat as you when it comes to valve replacement. I know when Tyce had his surgery, my cousin and one of my best friends were there to keep me sane, distracted, normal, and whatever. They were there to listen to me and just keep me on an even keel.

There is nothing you can do when you can't talk with your wife. Just know that she is having a procedure done that will make your time together longer and better....be patient, she will be talking to you soon. I would definitely have someone with you when she has her surgery.

Everyone here at vr.com is here for you, so when you get home from the hospital and don't have anyone to talk to, someone will always be on to answer any questions you may have or just give you much-needed support. This is quite the group, you know.

Just remember, YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. Try to focus on the outcome, not the surgery.

God Bless.

Evelyn

 

[Kate]

Codeman,
I understand how you feel. Because my partner and I don't have children, we are each other's primary family and very close (unfortunately, due to Ohio's extremely strict Defense of Marriage Act, we also had to worry about her not being allowed into ICU to see me on top of everything else, but happily the nurses were great and we didn't have any problems.) I think having a friend there with you is a terrific idea - it really seemed to help the time go faster for Susan. Also, why not ask your wife to tape a reassuring message for you that you could listen to during surgery? We tried a version of this (my mom taped herself reading a favorite story from my childhood for me to listen to in ICU) and found it very comforting. I'll keep both of you in my prayers over the next few weeks. Kate

 

[Georgia]

I'm sorry you have to go through this again. I think that if you're terribly anxious about this it would be in your best interest to get a little chemical help to calm down. There's nothing wrong or weak with this - your wife needs you to be strong for her for the next month, and if your anxiety leaves you distracted and depressed it's not good for you or her.

I know that I tend to turn inward when I have a huge trial ahead of me, and simply don't communicate very well about it. My husband is really good about it and doesn't try to draw me out. It's a way for me to compartmentalize and gather strength. We all address these things our own way.

Best of luck, and please continue to use the forum for reassurance and any help we can provide.